Wanting friends

I’ve never had a friend like that. I can’t even imagine it to be honest. Making friends as an adult is really hard, and with autism in the mix it feels impossible.

Pegg said:

I've thought about this some more and it occurred to me that I may always be alone, for the rest of my days, living in my childhood home with memories and a sucession of dogs for company.

We never know what or who is around the corner.

I made a thread about life stages, and reaching them at different times or not at all:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/29598/life-stages-becoming-an-adult/306457#306457

When I met my now husband in my mid forties I was alone and had been for many years (apart from a couple of aberrations).

I was actually quite content.

I ended up marrying in my 50s.

I hope that whatever life brings you Pegg, it includes happiness and/or contentment.

I've thought about this some more and it occurred to me that I may always be alone, for the rest of my days, living in my childhood home with memories and a sucession of dogs for company.

I like solitude, but that seems quite... final

I'd love an opportunity to be a friend like that to someone! I feel lonely all the time.

Please feel free to send me a pm.

I had an online friend for a few months that was neurodivergent like me. We talked pretty much all day about everything. She said she had my back, but she's been distant recently - I hope I didn't do anything wrong and that she comes back.

Yes I have. But only when I started university and I only have very few true friends and mostly not living in same city or country anymore. Most of my friends are true friends- they stuck with me and supported me when I went through tough times- that’s when you can really tell how good your friends are.

I feel you on that. I know that I've been too mechanical about what a friendship should be but I never wanted to hear it from people who didn't actually know me very well (because they didn't understand why that was my thinking).

I would never tell someone that they've upset me or hurt me unless it got really upsetting, which didn't help my relationship with that person.

I feel like I'm being difficult if I assert myself.

I tend to have issues maintaining friendships/relationships (family included) but not necessarily making friends.

Sometimes people have said that I have unrealistic expectations of what a friend should be but I’ve came to learn that I struggle to find the words to communicate how I feel when they have upset me and people struggle to understand why I am upset.

I also struggle to be able to accept that people have upset me as I often feel like I shouldn’t be annoyed and I’ve just misunderstood something. Not acknowledging it just builds resentment. 

I've never had any friends either :-/ 

My first taste of friend's has been here to be honest and that's the best kind of friendship for me because it means no in person interaction

And that's what I struggle with most of all! So this is ideal and perfect for me :) 

I've met some of the best people here this community is amazing ^^

I think that, as we are autistic, we meet so few people who we genuinely connect with that losing them is all the more intense. 

Thanks Debbie

Yes, I think you're right. I have known few people I've felt that connection with... though of course I hope it may happen again one day, I accept that it may not. 

Whilst it was easy with my friend because we'd known each other for a long time, the idea of new friendships is daunting, a step into the scary unknown. 

Hi, I've always struggled with this too, for me it about how comfortable I am with someone. I don't really have friends as such, I have work colleagues but if they left tomorrow it won't alter my life in any way. I suppose it's on how you are wired, I don't really need friends, I have a wife and dogs so I'm pretty much self contained. 

Maybe find people with similar interests whether it's and exercise class, book club, volunteering etc.

When you feel like a square peg it can be a little daunting. Maybe that's why I don't activity engage with others, I often find it difficult to gauge others levels and degrees of interest. But that's me, we're all different.

With regard to family I haven't actually felt 'close' to anyone in the same way I have with my few friends/relationships. 

Thinking of you too Pegg.

I think that, as we are autistic, we meet so few people who we genuinely connect with that losing them is all the more intense. 

that's the worst part of being friends when your friend is no longer here. But I know our friendship is forever

I may have said before, A=BCD, but I am sorry for your loss. As somebody in similar circumstances (my long time friend also died at the beginning of the year) your words really resonate for me. 

Friendship like that is forever, I hope you can find some consolation in that thought

Yes, I have found friends, but mainly through work, and just one at each school.

Nowadays I have 2 friends, one I was at school with, the other a former boyfriend, who I met through a work colleague.

I met my husband through work too.

I think that employment can be quite important for meeting people.

I hope that positive changes occur for you.

I've retyped this again and again as words are inadequate.

She had you in her life and that would have enriched her time here so much.

Thinking of you.

x

Yes, I have.

I feel extremely honoured to have become friends with one of the most lovely people I ever encountered. We met at school, where we were both bullied for being different, and though we were both shy at first we gradually started to bond and found we had loads in common.

It turned out we both had autism. And we remained friends all through school, supporting each other through the hardest days life through at us. When my parents died she was there for me, when her mum died I was by her side day and night.

I don't know how to be a good friend and how to communicate with people, but with her, it was like I was on autopilot. 

She sadly died at the start of the year, that's the worst part of being friends when your friend is no longer here. But I know our friendship is forever and I like to think that she's still here, watching over me and helping me through those difficult days.

I hope you will find that friend for yourself as well.

I'm a bit funny with that because I only realised that I did actually have that once I lost them (because I did something stupid).

I used to question if they liked me or not but someone willing to tell me that they love me and meet me in person is surely a sign that they care about you and won't judge?

I think that fear of judgement is always there though and I wish I got a handle on it earlier, because I think it held me back from being vulnerable and accessing support.

No. Next question?