Life changes since diagnosis/self-realisation/identification

I hope it is ok to add, I also believe my mother is autistic and now lives on a hosptial ward with dementia. 

I was diagnosed last month. Im 46. I feel I can be ME without feeling I am needing to adpat and change, even though I find sensory overwhelm and it triggers anxiety, I now feel more confident BUT when I told my father he was very dismissing.....

Listening to audio books on female autism has been my first step which was recommended by the assessor

I don't know if I've changed much since being diagnosed. I probably have but I don't always register change and understand it when it occurs, actually it's more usual that someone tells me I've changed and that's when it registers otherwise it passes by undetected by me.

Also, have others changed in their atttitude to you?

Yes especially within my own family.

My parents have a bad attitude towards me, most people do and my parents always have. They see autism as a weakness and then feel they can use me because I'm unintelligent, quite the opposite actually but that's the way a lot of people see it. Including my parents. They constantly make comments about it and me.

Also, have you made any changes to your life that benefit you?

I've made myself more withdrawn from people. It works for me, less anxiety and eventually my loneliness subsided as well. I'm more of a solitary individual now.

Has it changed your thought processes/attitude to others/past life experiences etc etc?

Yes.

My thoughts are much different now than they were before I was diagnosed. I see things as a lot more pointless now, but a few years ago I used to see point in doing things but now I sort of feel it's a waste of my time and life, I gain nothing from doing it. So why bother?

That's how my thoughts are now but before my diagnosis I was a lot more positive and enjoyed doing things.

According to my family this is negative and makes me "cold" but I see it as a positive. 

Changing is difficult for me and over-time it is even-more difficult to evaluate how I have changed, I don’t really empathise with my past-self unless I trigger an association, that I have proceduralised through that previous-mindset. Instead I either have to relive it or trust in the reasoning of my previous-self.

Other’s-attitude has changed in the sense that, I can call upon considerations that I didn’t have available before, I am considered differently. I just hope that the self that has made hay earlier in the year, has made enough that I do not starve or become the prey of others in my discouragement.

I use different language that I did before, that language has a different effect on others, and staves off instances of anxiety more-frequently.. But I dont know really, perhaps I’m not the right mindset to make a thorough summary, its hard to have personal-regrets when my blinders are so effective in the bad-times..

Ben has been asleep all evening and has no memory at all of what he ate for dinner. He is now sitting up in bed and watching the news on TV.

Ben

Thank you. 

Also, the conventional 'life stages' that I didn't reach, or that happened out of  time, were put into a context too.

This helps a lot as sometimes it can feel as though a person fails at life if they don't 'achieve' these things, but in fact it's not a failure at all.

Here's the thread:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/29598/life-stages-becoming-an-adult/306457#306457

Sparkles said:

What about you Debbie1?

Have things changed for you have you noticed more positives?

As I was diagnosed so late in life (60) a lot of my realisations have been retrospective.

So, the diagnosis put a lot of my life experiences, especially the negative ones, into a context.

It's been a positive change for me, and I'm sad to read how it can be negative for others (including yourself).

I think I'm a pretty calm person generally (not always!) but I think since I knew, I've been calmer and more at one with myself.

I have a very small circle of people I spend time with, and I haven't found that their attitude towards me has changed, although one friend I think doesn't really believe it.

I've used the diagnosis as a 'get out of jail free card' and have slithered out of social invites where I felt I could without causing too much offence.

The diagnosis has made me think about my autistic friend more than usual, as we were once in a relationship, as two undiagnosed autistic people.

The issues we had I can now see came down a lot to our neurodiversity.

Also, it's made me think even more about my late mother, who I now believe was autistic.

Before my diagnosis, I thought she was bipolar and/or had schizoaffective disorder and /or narcissism.

My autistic friend believed that she was autistic but because of so many other issues with her, I wasn't sure.

Now I feel as certain as I ever will, but I believe there were a lot of other mental issues going on as well.

I discovered this forum through my diagnosis, and that's helped a lot, to talk to other people who are on the same or similar wavelength and who share words here that resonate.

Good question:

I no longer question my differences. I no longer align with my career and am in a real no man's land atm trying to figure out how to earn a living. I no longer fret about people I have distanced myself from as much. I am beginning to embrace my randomness (I now have a pretty decent beard which I dont plan to cut until I look like Rick Ruben), maybe I'll get some seasonal work as Santa?

I'm so sorry to read this.

I dearly hope that the bird flies back, and stays.

x

Yes. Now in my head,  if there isn't a definite "close" to an interaction with another person, I am able to let it go a bit more. It's still a cognitive process every time but am chipping away!

Ha ha thanks but you guys already do that without realising it. This forum is my happy place

That’s great! It’s exactly what we are here for!

Ha ha thanks but you guys already do that without realising it. This forum is my happy place.

So sorry you feel this way. Can we improve your mood with much needed positivity in any way?

Great! What is Ben having for dinner? I love to speak about myself in third person too! It’s a great and very satisfying stim!

My life is terrible since I was diagnosed. It used to be days of darkness and then positivity flew in like a little bird. Now it's perpetual darkness. I'm waiting for my positive bird to fly back.

Yay!

It’s a great feeling :) 

Try to keep cool. I've been in my room this afternoon I have 2fans on but Floppy keeps jumping on me and his furs hot and I'm like no Floppy leave me alone lol  

I can't wait for cooler weather to come back this is insanely uncomfortable right now.

I'm back in the game!