Stimming, dropped masks, and alcohol?

I think with people, I was so desperate to help, to actually make a difference to someone, anyone, to develop some sort of self-worth, that nursing fitted me like a glove in that respect. My parents also pushed me towards it, as I wanted to ‘make a difference’ somehow. So yes, the idea of Autistics all being completely devoid of empathy is too much of a sweeping statement, but I guess as with all autistic characteristics, some apply a lot to some, and not at all to others.the emotional toll was huge though, and the wheels began to fall off as soon as I started living with my (now) husband. I could only cope with the job because I had the remaining 16 hours of each day/ night cycle away from all other people. 

Ah, now animals is another matter entirely! I owed pet rats at the same time as my nursing career, and I ended up changing to cats when I got sober as I couldn’t cope with the near constant cycle of illness in death. Rats are fantastic pets, but too big personalities and intelligence in such a short lifespan. Absolutely broke my heart every time.

No. It's just the first time I realise that being socially comfortable is still me being my true unmasked self. I've always connected my authentic self to social anxiety as if it's the only truth I could possibly live. Therefore, I considered alcohol just another way to mask. Now, I'm thinking well, maybe not. Maybe I actually can be genuinely socially comfortable sometimes and that would still be my true self!. I have been uncomfortable in certain social contexts specially in group chats since I was a kid.

It's actually not too surprising now you say what the job was, it looks like it's just gotten even tougher over the years too.  To hear you say that theory about Autistic women in nursing though, really blows the "lack of empathy" stereotype out of the window doesn't it. I certainly have always thought we autists actually have empathy in perhaps over abundance to our own detriment at times. I was set on the path to become a vet at one point but after my own dogs had to be put to sleep I realised it would just crush my soul to have to be the one to do it on any kind of regular basis. And it wouldn't be much good to have your vet crying whilst you are, the whole room would flood with tears. So it really ruined that career path for me, and I'm scared to get another dog, people think it's because I don't like them but it's not true, I love them and can't bear the heartbreak of eventually going through that again. Sorry to swing it about my issues there I guess it's just how I express my empathy by talking about related feelings.

I think your insights into an autistic perspective on being in the health care sector could be a really enlightening read, if you ever decide to write and share more about it I'd like to read it.

I would say so, yes. I would imagine most people, neurodiverse or not, would say they feel a bit more confident in social situations about a bit of alcohol. The inhibitions get dropped. 

I was a nurse. Met quite a few nurses in AA when I used to attend meetings in early sobriety. 
Thinking back to how many of us would sit in meetings and say that we had never really fitted in, and were essentially chasing dopamine and struggling with people in general from an early age, it really does make me wonder how many of the women especially have gone on to explore whether they are autistic or not. 

oh? Do have a new insight?

It's starting to become clear 

That sounds really tough, congratulations on your sobriety that's great to hear. What kind of job did you do btw? I sounds like it must have been very intense.

I don't think social anxiety itself is part of the mask, but I think it is a reason behind why we mask, so maybe inadvertently by feeling less need to mask you just do mask less?
I asked this question because when I went out for drinks recently with the aforementioned friend, they noticed after 3-4 drinks in that my range of stimms increased.
(ADHD friend also stimms so knows what they're looking at when they see it, also I don't go in for anything light, and for context if I'm gonna be sober I'm sober and if I'm gonna drink it must be over %35 vol so 4 drinks does knock the mask off just fine.) Now we (friend and me) are develping a theory together that I have smaller subtler coping stimms for when I'm in public and stressed, but that I also have chill and happy background stimms that are more "full on" that I'm subconsiously repressing as part of the mask (because the public mask was made very early in my life) when I'm totally sober.
It was actually my friend that formed this idea a while back but after a few more meet ups and self observations I think there is something to what they say.

You make a interesting point though about alcohol being like a social lubricant. I wonder if it's because of the way it affects NTs that we may end up drinking with that they become more forgiving of what they erroneously peg as a social faux pas rather than an autistic expression, because they are also mre "free flowing" and may just think that the autistic expression is not you "everybody gets a bit hyped or blunt when drinking alchohol".

I guess it depends massively on why you stim. For me it's mostly something I do (or try to force myself not to despite the compulsion) when I'm in a situation I find uncomfortable and alcohol made me feel more comfortable with who I am so I either didn't need to stim much or maybe i just didn't even notice I was doing it because of being less self-conscious.

I stopped drinking years ago so I guess now I'll never know.

Well, sorry for adding more and more replies but it's interesting to me. Well, true that I tend to have more energy, as jump and run or dance. Much les anxiety and slightly more chatty thanks to that but the reasoning behind the change is very different. I say more, but more of what I actually think or feel at the moment. Not more of what I think is acceptable. Still, if I want to handle a social situation well, alcohol is helpful so I've always considered it "the ultimate mask". 

I think that I'm trying to ask. Is social anxiety part of the mask?. If yes then I definitely mask less with alcohol hehe.

I think that I'm confused because masking is a way to blend in. Smile more, look in the eye, talk more which are just ways to hide how uncomfortable I am with a certain social context. Alcohol makes me talk more, more energy, less anxiety so it passes in my description as perfect mask.

Thinking about it more. Well it's actually interesting to think about it. I can be less socially anxious after few drinks. Is this unmasking?.

As an alcoholic with over eleven years of sobriety in the bank, I would say a categorical yes in answer to your question. 
I was working full time and getting promotions whilst my alcoholism progressed. Looking back now, I can see why alcohol was my ‘cheat code’ to quickly dropping the mask as soon as I was home from work and could relax away from people. 

I've found before that a glass of wine of 3 makes me mask less and feel better in general, no longer feeling rundown and full of anxiety. Gives me that extra kick, the boost I need to get me through certain situations like being social like Ree and also if I have something to do and there's a lot of pressure on because of it.

Interesting. Alcohol lowers the mask?.. never thought of that. Alcohol for me is connected to socialising, whenever I drink it, it's usually with others in some sort of gathering, so I go there well-rested and fully recharged. I also refill my social battery before this sort of gathering to the max. Meaning, I can do it once every few months. 

I've never seen a connection between stimming and drinking. I think that I stim similarly. Also, I've never tried drinking when I'm alone. Maybe that plays a role?.