Mood, depression and getting older

Yeah, that can help break up the thoughts. Also, you can say "enough thinking about ... now' and choose to think about something better.

Your brain will automatically switch back to focusing on your self/thoughts after a few seconds, so you have to keep refocusing away, or keep the better thoughts going, or re-visualise your favourite place.  If you can hyperfocus on something then you can switch away for much longer, but normally just a few seconds at a time.

Yes, I like to say "thoughts about....again" or "thinking about.....again" this helps me then become aware and I can switch into the present more. For about two seconds haha. 

Yeah, getting through life with autism means you are resilient, and learning ways to strengthen it helps, its something to recognise and feel good about.  

Mindfulness is difficult sometimes, but what I find helps is to put calm music on and just focus on it, and when my mind loses focus, focus back on the music.  I found focusing on breathing didn't work that well for me, but focusing on music or sounds worked much better.  When the thoughts just happen and you aren't reacting to them, is amazing, bit like hypnotherapy but free.  Keeping that going is not easy, but a few minutes can really help.

Mindfulness whilst doing things is good to, but tricky to keep going.

Its best to work on reducing the anxiety and then you will cope and feel better and the burnout might start to fade.  Write down what your worries are, what thoughts you have that might add to feeling anxious - think less about them, think about better things more.

When you feel swamped or thoughts are racing shout loudly in your mind 'Stop', or 'I Choose not to suffer', and that can help.  Our brains are normally automatic, but we can actually take control and choose to think and feel different if we want to - its difficult to start with, but gets easier.

Doing creative things can also help, good for the brain.

Walks help, round the block or parks, but try to leave the worries at home so you benefit more.

Sunny springs days, I missed out today by having to work on something, but there will be more ahead.

I'm not really sure whats available anywhere for Autistic Burnout, but there may be autistic therapists that can help who should be well aware of it.

CBT can be useful for people where the way they think causes or increases anxiety, depression, etc.  I never got offered CBT and in fact at one point was told it wasn't suitable for me.  I bought the self-help book instead, and that really helped me adjust my thoughts - so triggers just annoyed me, rather than angering me.  Its true what they say - its not what happens, its how your react.

CBT is something you have to go away and work on between sessions, and after the sessions have stopped.  It takes time for your brain to form new, better, thinking habits, months really.  Also, early on you might struggle or feel its too much.  I had relapses many times, but after a while I was more stable and felt much better.

Although thinking better helped, I still got swamped by thoughts and anxiety, so I tried mindfulness and bought Ruby Wax's book as she also describes how the brain works, as well as how to do mindfulness and how it works.  That book really helped, as I started to get a break from being swapped by thoughts and feelings.  When you focus on external things, what you can see/hear/etc. then your brain can't actually focus on thoughts and feelings, they just happen around you.  You only do it now and then, but 15 minutes a day is enough to make a difference.

As well as mindfulness, which some people struggle with or don't feel works for them, there are other ways to do a similar thing to mindfulness, such as thinking about something you like, or a favourite place, or green fields. Also, doing something creative can help, though fun creativity so not critical about it.  Going for a walk can help, though you have to think good to have a good walk - otherwise it may not benefit you.

I've managed to reduce my anxiety right down, and feel a lot better, though still got work to do and have to remember to fit in mindfulness each day.

I also don't feel so burnt out, which is great, don't need to crash out now and then to recover.

Support groups for adults are patchy, and not sure what support there would be for autism burnout.

I'm going to look into what help there is, and may set up some kind of online support group myself.

I do think as people on the spectrum, because we are so used to anxiety, and having to make ourselves fit, we are actually a lot more resilient than we think or give ourselves credit for.

I know this because a few years ago I went through something similar to where you are now, you'll get there and there'll be a time when you look back and feel differently and recognise in that space how far you've come without knowing,  but it takes time.

I used to be the same with mindfulness and it was a case of "you'll sit down now and RELAX!!" which of course made me worse. But practising it now...there are many times where I've sat there and after 20 minutes realised I hadn't brought it back to the breath much because my mind was on such overdrive. But the intention was there so it still counts. 

I know what you mean about sleeping.  Sometimes I'd love to just be awake but with no input. ..not even thoughts. I think you can get there with meditation.

With regards to the wider world, we actually can't do much about a lot of it. 

YES it's a most glorious day, I have been sowing seeds in the garden. Hope you get outside.

P.s, kestrels are my partner's favourite bird :-) 

I agree with your comment on lack of clarity as there was no doubt in the first lockdown. 

My son who is still at secondary is missing more and more school as his anxiety is building. It seems partly linked to knowing he will need to make a move in the future to college. I think my own anxiety is linked to this and not knowing how to help as there is nothing specific that can be addressed, as well as not knowing what will happen from one day to the next.

Yes - I am trying my best too to find ways of reducing my anxiety - as is my son. At the moment we are just not doing that well - more existing than living at the moment as we both feel so overwhelmed by various things that are happening at the moment (in our family and in the wider world). We had a family member who died recently and also serious illness in the family. Sometimes I’m just too anxious to meditate or practice mindfulness. It’s a bit of a vicious circle. I think I’d like to sleep for a month or two! Just get a massively long rest where I don’t have to think at all and give my mind a thorough rest. That would be lovely. 
We often look back on happy times from before the pandemic and I feel such a longing to feel like that again - where you didn’t have to worry about viruses and going into places. I miss being that carefree (although of course we did have worries then - but it was different). 
pits such a beautiful sunny day today and that does help. I’m so glad that spring is about to appear

Yes, to be honest I’d welcome another lockdown - which I realise a lot of people would find weird. We haven’t coped very well in the last few months for all sorts of reasons. My son was experiencing sensory overload when he went back to college and at the moment he doesn’t feel able to go in - he finds it far too intense. I find the lack of clarity of Covid now really difficult as people are behaving like it’s over but I don’t think it is. 
Interested in your comments about a ‘bubble’ - my mum used to say that me, my husband and children lived in a ‘cocoon’ - which I was also not very happy about! We are just trying to live our lives in the way we choose - just like everybody else does! We might like a slighter quieter way of live but we don’t shut ourselves off from the outside world - we’re extremely aware of it (too aware it often feels tbh). 
I like your use of the train comparison with anxiety - exactly right. At the moment I don’t think my train even has any pedals! 

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I've never considered depression coukd be not just sadness.

I do think I had a period of burnout a few years ago ( burnout anyone would experience due to life events but autism adds another layer).  I have felt in a perpetual state of anxiety since September really. It hasn't ever fully gone away. I think the low mood is also coming from not being able to process how I feel properly...this has happened before.

You're right, there isn't much support but I'm absolutely trying my best with what's available from the professionals and my own self help. It's a case of problem solving as much as I can rather than just moaning about it. 

I'll look into the Wilkinson book. I did get one by Beardon which basically said avoid everything that triggers you but this is totally unrealistic. CBT has taught me to be more tolerant of anxiety (it was slightly adapted as I'd done regular cbt before without success) but like I said above, it can get to the runaway train stage. 

I'm practising mindfulness everyday. It's just being absorbed more into my life now and I do meditation and breathing etc. It does take the edge off and I do this anytime, not just when anxious, although sometimes it's hard to disassociate "relaxation" with "anxiety".

I love Ruby Wax. I've got her most recent mindfulness book which has been really helpful. Again it's practising it like you would with the gym. But also not getting hung up on it either. She's very accessible and I love the science bits too....I need that otherwise it just seems mumbo jumbo.

I think it's about having a tool box of things we need as and when, but it feels like mines an untidy mess at the moment and I can't find what I need.

Yes it was the quiet that I enjoyed the most. Even things like no planes in the sky. I remember,  it was at the beginning of September last year when all restrictions were lifted, I got really bad anxiety. It was like all of a sudden there was so much noise outside - I was quite sensitive to this. I think a lot of people don't notice the general hum of the world (I live in suburban area but with semi rural areas in short walking distance). Also it was a signal to me - lockdown is over and its never coming back. I remember when the first one was announced almost 2 years ago that I knew nothing like this would ever happen again so to make the most of it.

A counsellor last year told me we can get stuck in a bubble and its not the real world. This cheesed me off. Just because something has been a certain way (the relentless pace of life) it doesn't mean it's the right way (for everyone) or that it needs to go back to this. 

I'm lucky I got my diagnosis in lockdown as it's helped me see which parts of normal life are difficult.  

I also think because EVERYONE had to follow rules, this made going out the house and social interactions more certain...I can't explain what I mean but it's like I felt more comfortable that we had these rules (I don't mean comfortable as in keeping us safe...I just mean...you knew where you stood).

I am sorry you and your son are feeling this way, it must be difficult. I know from my own experience anxiety can be like a runaway train. I've learned where the brakes are but sometimes I can't reach the pedals.

This is me exactly. Both me and my son are experiencing Autistic Burnout at the moment. There’s so little help for us. My son is having CBT with the NHS but it just seems to be chatting on the phonend he doesn’t seem to get much from it. The therapist just mostly listens and doesn’t offer hardly any helpful strategies that can help. I will check out the books you mention - thank you  We really are quite desperate at the moment and really struggling. It’s really hard. 

I found the first lockdown was actually really good for me and my family as we were freed from so many of the demands on us (work, college and people etc.) . We really enjoyed being at home together and going on quiet local walks together in the countryside. When things opened up more we found it more difficult as we were so worried about the virus (my husband has asthma). Then late last year we caught Covid and I got it really badly. Ever since I’ve had the most terrible anxiety. Life feels so insecure now - things feel unstable and unsafe. There’s the virus, the economy, a govt that spdoesnt seem to care about people - and now a war and global instability. I’ve never felt so anxious. My son is experiencing anxiety and depression too and can’t face going into college (he’s autistic too). I’m not enjoying life at the moment as I’m so stressed all the time, 

I agree re the pace. It felt more relaxed a couple if years ago. Hope to do some gardening in next few days.

Depression, strange moods, anxiety - they are all common in autism because autistic people tend not to manage our thoughts/emotions, emotional regulation they call it.  Hence triggers causing meltdowns, or shutdowns, or stuck in thought loop.  Depression isn't just sadness, which most people think it is - it can vary, and be complex.

I'm not sure autism gets worse with age, but you can certainly struggle to mask as you get older, or you decide not to hide your autism anymore.  Autism burnout seems common amongst elder autistic adults, its complex - its not just fatigue from having to mask for decades, it may also be due to years of triggers, constant anxiety, chronic over-thinking, or bad things happening in life.

Anxiety is draining by itself, and also increases depression - both of those can also disturb your thinking/moods, and that all feeds into making life really difficult.  Life is just happening to you, you aren't really living.

I am late 40's now, and its only in recent years that I have learned about managing thoughts/feelings.

There isn't much support out there for adults with autism, I've used self-help books to improve how I think, and that has stabilised my moods.

I can recommend a few books that have really helpd me.

'Overcoming Anxiety and Depression on the Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT' by Lee A WIlkinson, helps you.  

Another good book is 'A mindfulness guide for the frazzled' by Ruby Wax, she has suffered from mental health issues but decided to study how the brain works, why we suffer, and ways to help.  Mindfulness can be difficult for some, but its worth trying - having a break from thoughts/feelings now and then can really help, and after a while you can use it daily to think better and make better decisions - because your brain isn't fried.

You can't fix executive dysfunctioning, sadly, but it can be worse when we are not thinking/feeling well, so working on those will help.  Find ways to help remind you, organise you - there are things online and apps, best to find what works for you.

What is it you feel uncertain about?

It's never been anxiety about catching covid for me. It's been anxiety because life is returning back to the faster pace.

My yoga teacher said in one of our meditations "I go through the world at my own pace". I really liked this but I feel sometimes I'm having to shoe horn myself into a pace which isn't right for me.

Yes I think I've had anxiety fatigue too. Hope you find a way through. Spring is on its way. 

Glad you are finding it easier! I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin at this age. It's more general adult life I struggle with but it's not like anything in my life is seemingly difficult. It just feels that way.

I found things got easier the older I got. I did not do 'being young' at all well, between about 12 years of age and 25 was the worst. I started feeling more comfortable in myself by about 30, but only became reasonably happy in my own skin after about 40.

I can identify with a flat feeling. I coped in the first lockdown as socialising outside of home was not allowed. I enjoyed walks as there were few cars on the road. I enjoyed making masks and a garden project of trying to grow new plants from seed. 

Last year was harder with things opening up whilst still a lot of Covid cases. The large amount of dull days were hard too. Then this year arrived and it was like anxiety fatigue. I find it hard this year to find things to look forward to with all the uncertainty. I have odd days that are better usually when I get to do something in the sunshine.

I have begun to do things carefully but it is quite exhausting.

Yes you definitely have to be more adult in your 30s! I like winter, I can hibernate.