Published on 12, July, 2020
I wrote in my diary last week "in a strange mood but I don't know why, often get like this".
This week I'm wondering if I'm depressed but I don't feel sad or worthless. I sometimes have difficulty picking up on how I feel. I just know I've felt flat for quite a bit. My head is crammed full but otherwise I feel flat. I can't stop eating.
Interspersed with this are odd days of enjoyment and feeling in the flow.
In the mix is also anxiety without worry but I have felt ok today.
I feel things are getting harder as I get older in my mid thirties but it's not like I have got any commitments in life apart from a partner, house and job of 4 days per week.
It was noticeable things were easier for me in lockdown and I'm still adjusting back to normal. It sounds pathetic but it's the little things which put demand on executive function, on their own are nothing but added up make a big thing. Such things as remembering to get my dinner ready the night before or having to put make up on or wash my clothes for work.
I have read before AS gets worse as you get older but I'm only mid thirties.
Depression, strange moods, anxiety - they are all common in autism because autistic people tend not to manage our thoughts/emotions, emotional regulation they call it. Hence triggers causing meltdowns, or shutdowns, or stuck in thought loop. Depression isn't just sadness, which most people think it is - it can vary, and be complex.
I'm not sure autism gets worse with age, but you can certainly struggle to mask as you get older, or you decide not to hide your autism anymore. Autism burnout seems common amongst elder autistic adults, its complex - its not just fatigue from having to mask for decades, it may also be due to years of triggers, constant anxiety, chronic over-thinking, or bad things happening in life.
Anxiety is draining by itself, and also increases depression - both of those can also disturb your thinking/moods, and that all feeds into making life really difficult. Life is just happening to you, you aren't really living.
I am late 40's now, and its only in recent years that I have learned about managing thoughts/feelings.
There isn't much support out there for adults with autism, I've used self-help books to improve how I think, and that has stabilised my moods.
I can recommend a few books that have really helpd me.
'Overcoming Anxiety and Depression on the Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT' by Lee A WIlkinson, helps you.
Another good book is 'A mindfulness guide for the frazzled' by Ruby Wax, she has suffered from mental health issues but decided to study how the brain works, why we suffer, and ways to help. Mindfulness can be difficult for some, but its worth trying - having a break from thoughts/feelings now and then can really help, and after a while you can use it daily to think better and make better decisions - because your brain isn't fried.
You can't fix executive dysfunctioning, sadly, but it can be worse when we are not thinking/feeling well, so working on those will help. Find ways to help remind you, organise you - there are things online and apps, best to find what works for you.
This is me exactly. Both me and my son are experiencing Autistic Burnout at the moment. There’s so little help for us. My son is having CBT with the NHS but it just seems to be chatting on the phonend he doesn’t seem to get much from it. The therapist just mostly listens and doesn’t offer hardly any helpful strategies that can help. I will check out the books you mention - thank you We really are quite desperate at the moment and really struggling. It’s really hard.
You have great suggestions here - thank you so much. I’d definitely be interested in an online support group if you set one up. I have a loving family who are really understanding (both my husband and children are autistic so we understand and support each other) but we do feel isolated in many ways - like we’re on an island together surrounded by a fairly hostile ocean! It’s been a very lovely island but recently we’ve all been struggling in various ways and we’ve felt more vulnerable as we have no other support other than each other. For a long time I felt I didn’t need anyone other than my family but recently I’ve felt that it would be nice to connect with other autistic people,
I'm not really sure whats available anywhere for Autistic Burnout, but there may be autistic therapists that can help who should be well aware of it.
CBT can be useful for people where the way they think causes or increases anxiety, depression, etc. I never got offered CBT and in fact at one point was told it wasn't suitable for me. I bought the self-help book instead, and that really helped me adjust my thoughts - so triggers just annoyed me, rather than angering me. Its true what they say - its not what happens, its how your react.
CBT is something you have to go away and work on between sessions, and after the sessions have stopped. It takes time for your brain to form new, better, thinking habits, months really. Also, early on you might struggle or feel its too much. I had relapses many times, but after a while I was more stable and felt much better.
Although thinking better helped, I still got swamped by thoughts and anxiety, so I tried mindfulness and bought Ruby Wax's book as she also describes how the brain works, as well as how to do mindfulness and how it works. That book really helped, as I started to get a break from being swapped by thoughts and feelings. When you focus on external things, what you can see/hear/etc. then your brain can't actually focus on thoughts and feelings, they just happen around you. You only do it now and then, but 15 minutes a day is enough to make a difference.
As well as mindfulness, which some people struggle with or don't feel works for them, there are other ways to do a similar thing to mindfulness, such as thinking about something you like, or a favourite place, or green fields. Also, doing something creative can help, though fun creativity so not critical about it. Going for a walk can help, though you have to think good to have a good walk - otherwise it may not benefit you.
I've managed to reduce my anxiety right down, and feel a lot better, though still got work to do and have to remember to fit in mindfulness each day.
I also don't feel so burnt out, which is great, don't need to crash out now and then to recover.
Support groups for adults are patchy, and not sure what support there would be for autism burnout.
I'm going to look into what help there is, and may set up some kind of online support group myself.