Newly Diagnosed, My Life Is Ruined!

There is nothing 'wrong' with you All - there really isn't... you're a square peg in a world full of round holes that's all...

It may feel like a mess, it might actually BE a mess - but messes are fixable and it's not your 'fault', ok?

Uni is not school, the people there should (but may not) be more mature... so hopefully bullying wouldn't be an issue.

Focus on what you like to do and/or what you're good at - I know there'll be something, you're not 'stupid' or 'useless' - you just need to find yourself a square hole...

...it might not be conventional, what you're good at but there will be something and that could be the key that allows you to unlock more in life.

You're not alone, keep reaching out, keep banging on the doors of the people who have a duty to provide support - if they aren't responding, it's not you, it's them... they are likely struggling with under-funding, no resources and high demand.

"When you're going through hell... keep going and you'll get through to the other side"

A few things AutisticGirl69, you have most definitely not f**ked up everything. University is incredibly stressful even for people who don't suffer from anxiety. You sound exactly how I was when I started at uni (10 years before I had any idea about ASD) I assumed I was just a huge failure because I wasn't the same as everyone else and I had no idea why at the time. I suggest you keep trying to get in contact with student services, or even your tutor, and explain you need some time away. It's completely normal and nothing to feel ashamed of at all. There are so many ways to complete a degree. If you ever want to chat, pm me and I can provide a bit more specific advice. But the first thing is, please go easier on yourself :) it's also said that it can take up to 3 years to fully come to terms with a diagnosis. It's a long process of ups and downs and hopefully you will start to see the positives soon. 

Sadly I no longer have any hobbies, I’ve been bullied away from just about anything I used to do. The circumstances was being bullied and being repeatedly called ‘retarded’ by a bully at school. I knew that there was something seriously wrong with me, so that lead me to getting tested.  I already had anxiety and depression disorder before I was diagnosed with AS, so not really. 

I’ve looked into Open Uni but sadly, I just can’t afford it and the process of applying for loans last time around was extremely stressful for me and my family. I just generally don’t know what I want to do. Everything is a mess and it’s all on me really. I’ve f**ked up everything! 

First things first, it seems you need to take a step back and recover. Do you have any interests or hobbies you could dive into? Anything to help forget the troubles of life for a bit?

You say your diagnosis was a shock, what were the circumstances in getting a diagnosis? You're still you, you've always had AS so do you feel you coped better before you knew? A diagnosis should be a positive thing, it should empower you to do things your way without feeling bad about it, without apology.

I think you're being extremely hard on yourself from what seems like a massive lack of support. You are allowed to fail in life - we all do! It doesn't mean you are then a 'failure'. I failed Uni after 2 years and came away with huge debts after a breakdown. I felt useless so I have some level of understanding of what you're going through. But when I look back it ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me! (Honestly!) I took some time away from everything and started again. I got an apprenticeship. 12 years later I owe my career to that apprenticeship and my failings at Uni. Its perfectly OK to fail, analyse it, learn from it, be a better you because of it. Own it!

Do you no longer want to do the course? Could you look into something like the Open University where it's at your pace, in your own space?

Hi, I was but got discharged after two sessions because I wasn't 'suicidal' enough. This was on the NHS. Sadly, I don't really have any hobbies anymore. I'm put off from doing anything...

I do have sensory issues. I hate being in tight spaces such as a lift and hate being in the dark. I don't like talking to people that I don't know well. It depends on the crowds, sometimes I hate them and sometimes I'm ok. Yep, your daughter and me are very similar.

I'll definitely take a look at the online CBT, thanks for the recommendation. I've always lived with my parents, but there's other family things going on right now that aren't great either.

Hi are you getting any help for your depression? You are still very young to be writing yourself off the way you are. Uni life isnt easy and having AS makes it even harder, I have to say when I was your age there is no way I would have been ready for uni, I've since gone back to uni but not until I was 30. We do tend to mature much later than NTs. Do you have any hobbies you could turn into a career, I ask because I love horses and when I was your age I worked with them it meant I didn't have to interact to much with people and could enjoy my special interest as part of my job I also got to travel whilst fulfilling my passion it opened up my world and then when I was ready I came back to the UK and studied for a more sustainable career. You should be having fun your 20s should be the best years of your life. Please don't write yourself off you just need to find your niche...

I too avoid using the phone. Have a look at my suggestion. IESO is free so long as you are registered with a GP, and it's chat based. Wish you all the best.

Oh wow, that is a desperate cry for help.  Both my offspring have been diagnosed with ASD in the last  2 years.  My daughter is 18 and my son now 20.  My son was diagnosed at aged 19 in his second year of Uni.  For him I feel it has  been both good  and bad.   Temporarily it has knocked his confidence and self esteem massively but he is is very intelligent and I think in the long term the diagnosis well help him understand himself.

Now to my daughter.  Your responses saying you're stupid and useless sound just like my daughter.  My daughter is very bright but she truly believes she is useless because she only acknowledges  those aspects of her life that she struggles with.  She would never admit to being good at ANYTHING or accept praise.  Anyone who gets to university is neither lazy, stupid or useless.  I should point out at this point that my daughter has been in hospital for 3 years with an eating disorder and has severe anxiety.  I don't know your family obviously but if they really love you then ultimately they will read about ASD and try and understand why you struggle so much.  If not, maybe your boyfriend can do this.   With regard to the anxiety, I understand this is a big problem for people with ASD.....it certainly is for my daughter.  She has medications for her anxiety but I see this as treating the symptom rather than the cause so I am in the process or arranging some 1:1 psychotherapy to help her find strategies to manage her anxiety with the local NHS services.  The availability of this appears to be variable around the country.  I would say for my daughter her diagnosis has helped her to understand her atypical behaviour and she is slowly learning to accept this.  

You need to find some help with your anxiety to help you manage it.  Find out what stresses you - do you have sensory issues, do you struggle in social situations, do you find crowds stressful?  For my daughter organising her time to complete assignments at college is difficult.  Planning is a real problem for her so we have had to be her PA!   Never feel guilty about pestering services to help you.  If you don't ask they can't help you.  You are not, lazy or stupid just misunderstood.  Two years ago I had 2 children of similar age to yourself and had no idea they had ASD, but now I know I have read and read about it and will  go to the ends of the earth to help them,  Hopefully, your boyfriend or your parents will do the same.  They have to buy in to it though. Never be ashamed or embarrassed by the diagnosis, knowledge is power.  You will grow with confidence as to learn to understand yourself and why you are one of the 1% with a different bit special brain wiring that gives you unique abilities  that the majority will not have.  Some of the greatest minds had ASD.  Good luck.  Fight for the help you should have received as a child.  Embrace it and you will thrive.  Fight against it and you will sink.  X

There is always hope. Our problems only seem difficult when we think about all the things that are going wrong.

Now that you have been diagnosed, you have a new opportunity to reassess your life situation.

I would highly recommend you take a look at online CBT. It's completely free and online, you'll be assigned a therapist that can work with you on talking through your problems. If you suffer from depression they can also help discuss ways to improve your mood.

I was in a similar situation. I dropped out of university after a few months and moved back with my parents, it was then years of arguments over being accused of being lazy and not wanting to work. It actually turned out for the better, the career I thought I wanted to pursue was a mistake, and it took me another 10 years to accept that I would have to overcome my disability challenges in order to pursue what I really want to do (which I previously avoided due to fear).

Everything works out for the better when you don't lose hope, but find solutions and seek help.

My anxiety is generally the worst it's ever been. Sadly, I've found no support groups in my area. I have a fear ornate using the phone. Thanks for the welcome!

Hi 

I'm not sure I have any thing practical for you, but I just wanted to say that being to anxious to do something does not make you lazy or stupid not ever! 

I'm really sorry that you have received such negative reactions to your diagnosis, that must have made your anxiety so much worse, have you looked for local support groups? Or autistic advocates they can give fantastic advice. You could also try the helpline for advice they will be able to offer more information about help in your area.

I'm sorry I am not much help I just wanted to reach out and say welcome, hopefully some other members will have some more practical advice 

Wishing you all the best