Published on 12, July, 2020
In March 2019, I was given a full diagnosis of Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). It did come as a shock to both me and my family. I'd always known that I was different to my friends and a bit quieter, but I legitimately thought that was OK. It now clearly wasn't. I started University last Autumn (don't want to reveal what/where I studied at) but after I received no support for my diagnosis and mental health, everything plummeted. Emails weren't getting answered quickly and when they were, it was always on the lines of "you're lazy, you've got no brains etc". I made the decision to stop going, the environment was toxic. Some of the students were nasty towards me, often blanking me out during group work sessions or leaving me out of events for no apparent reason. I live at home with my parents. For the past few months since the diagnosis, I've realised that I'm a huge failure. I have a lifelong disability and being the only family member with a disability, I've been too ashamed to open up to anyone about how I feel, since no-one can relate to me.
I finally told some family about my diagnosis but they reacted negatively. Calling me once again "lazy" and "you didn't try hard enough." I haven't spoken to them and have even considered cutting them out of my life altogether. I have a boyfriend and been together for nearly two years. He was shocked by my diagnosis, but is still with me. I've told him all the time that I'm stupid, useless and that he should look for someone else. I've been trying to get help and support to come to terms with my diagnosis at age 20, but to no avail. Either long waiting lists, expensive private appointments or no replies to my messages. I literally have nothing left.
I'm fully convinced that I'm a total failure, the life that I truly wanted is now ruined. My education life has always been rocky from the start. This was my dream Uni and course, but I feel that I've been pushed away due to their lack of understanding. I'm generally paranoid to look for a job. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm trying to be lazy. I'M TOO ANXIOUS TOO. But I need the money. I do get some from a family member but that's not me doing it for myself.
I'm very depressed and basically, there's no hope left. I'm now in debt. Alone. Struggling. This forum posting here is a risk. I used to post on a different website but I got trolled, so here I am opening myself up again...
If someone/anyone can truly help me before this situation gets worse, I'll be eternally grateful.
Ally.
Hi are you getting any help for your depression? You are still very young to be writing yourself off the way you are. Uni life isnt easy and having AS makes it even harder, I have to say when I was your age there is no way I would have been ready for uni, I've since gone back to uni but not until I was 30. We do tend to mature much later than NTs. Do you have any hobbies you could turn into a career, I ask because I love horses and when I was your age I worked with them it meant I didn't have to interact to much with people and could enjoy my special interest as part of my job I also got to travel whilst fulfilling my passion it opened up my world and then when I was ready I came back to the UK and studied for a more sustainable career. You should be having fun your 20s should be the best years of your life. Please don't write yourself off you just need to find your niche...
Hi, I was but got discharged after two sessions because I wasn't 'suicidal' enough. This was on the NHS. Sadly, I don't really have any hobbies anymore. I'm put off from doing anything...