Newly Diagnosed, My Life Is Ruined!

I've had numerous meetings with them, but nothing productive was sorted at the time. Everyone on the team is aware of my situation but refused to help. 

I wish that close family were more understanding, but they all have their own personal struggles going on. Since they can't really relate to my autism, I don't feel they do understand me much, which hurts.

I've tried sending more emails but the Uni academic year has ended and most likely nothing would be done until September. I'll try going back to the GP when the time is right. 

Also your University has a duty of care, but you need to speak to the mental health service at your University. ASAP and explain everything otherwise they can't help you!! 

I think you effectively need to be "signed off" by your GP and then you take time out of your studies, due to ill health. Our son passed his first year at Durham (just) but left before Christmas of the second term (just couldn't live in a shared house). He approached his Tutor and University Mental Health Service and they "suspended" his studies. He started working part time this past February and has been seeing Councillor. He now has statements from the Councillor and a personal statement which he took to his GP. She has also written a statement that our son is fit to return to studies. This gets sent to the University and they now want a face to face to dicuss whether he can re-start the second year and what support he will need (you get a grant of about £2.5K that the University uses to supply you with extra help - although he didn't get any in his first year!!). The interview can be done via Skype but our son wants to travel up in person. 

So you need to see a GP, contact the University mental health services, department secretary and tutors to explain everything and take it from there. You will need help (maybe medication for stress) in order to consider part time work. Your family should be more understanding, especially as you have been officially diagnosed?? 

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Hi, so am I to be honest, considering this was my dream course and everything. I have emailed all of the avenues that have been open to me but to no avail. Anxiety is a nightmare!

Hi, I'm shocked at the lack of support from the university. I work at one ( it's doing my head in but that's another story) and there's support such as a learning contract for people like us and there's a dedicated team for disabled support.. There's a student support advisor the students can book appointments with and a wellness team. Just wondering if you've explored all avenues that might be available at the one you're at unless you've you've formally withdrawn.

I can relate to the anxiety and low self worth, crowds (other people basically) and other things I won't bore you with. Wish I had the answer to that!

ANOTHER UPDATE- I met with my old social worker the week just gone, and she advised me not to contact my Uni. Apparently since I haven't enrolled for second year, nor taken out any loans, they will remove my name automatically. This was news to me and so, I've taken that move to ignore them completely. She is trying to get hold of an autistic adults group in my home city, but couldn't get through to their office on the phone first time round. Will follow-up with her soon over whether a second attempt would be possible. In the mean time, my mental health is still suffering badly. My family have told me that if I don't find something full-time/part-time soon, they will march me to the city job centre and make me sign on. I'm already demoralised as it is. It's hard because I used to have really good relationships with family members, now I don't since my diagnosis. I realistically believe that no-one understands what I'm going through, since no one in the family has ASD. I still need advice, as I'm considering running away from home if I don't find the help I need soon!  

Just to update everyone on the current situation at hand. I've still had no correspondence from my old Uni in question, no replies to any of my emails and no one available on the phone to speak to. I still haven't been given any explanations as to why I wasn't helped to finish my work for the first year, yet alone give me any kind of opportunity to meet and discuss how to fix issues with someone. More members of my family have been told and the reaction has been pretty much the same 'you didn't try hard enough' reaction. As of right now, i'm doing very badly mental health wise. I've lost all interest in hobbies, my sleeping has been a nightmare, I'm no longer able to wake up when I need to get up. The GP hasn't worked either, the waiting lists are far too long and I can't afford to go private (unless I fund-raise money for that) which sounds really childish to do so. I'm also meant to be doing some very important jobs for some close family friends, but have been feeling far too overwhelmed about it. So yeah, my life is pretty much ruined.

Just accepted your request!

Yep, me either re the site! I will attempt to work out how to friend request you! See if anything pops up...

I had no idea about that! When I asked about funding and support, I was told that I wouldn't be entitled to anything other than a round of tests which wouldn't guarantee the software I needed, nor a mentor either. I haven't been able to finish my first year and up until now, no-one has followed up with me about carrying on the course. So, I've just pushed it away and walked off to be honest. Due to my mental stability, I haven't been able to hold down a paid employment role. Only volunteering but that hasn't been recently.  

Hi Roisin, thanks so much for replying! Life was so rough for me before my diagnosis anyway. I used to get bullied a lot, made fun of because I never wear make-up or wouldn't go shopping for expensive clothes. I liked to keep myself to myself and today as an adult, I haven't changed that much. I am thinking about threatening my old Uni with legal action if the situation escalates further. It's hard when messages and emails go unanswered and face to face meetings end with little understanding and sympathy for what's been happening. I'll definitely check out all of the suggestions you've made, I do love my Netflix.  

That's part of the problem. My family members close to me live all far away. Sometimes, I'm too scared to reach out to them so my parents do. But then, family members get the impression that I'm very lazy. It's hard when you are the only person in the family with a disability. 

Teachers on my old Access to HE course and members of my family, I won't say who because I don't want to get found out for posting this thread here. It's been an awful experience with my Uni. I'm still new to this site, so have no idea how everything works haha.

If you are officially diagnosed, you are elegible for a grant of about £2500 per year, that the University is supposed to use to offer you a Mentor. Our son finished his first year at Durham with zero help and is currently taking a year off on medical grounds. He is currently working part time. Perhaps you could take a year out it would provide you with some rest bite and a chance to earn some money. It might focus the minds at the University to take your mental disability seriously and provide better support on your return?? 

You're not lazy, you're diagnosis is affirmation that your brain is wired differently to neurotypicals. I can understand you are feeling unsettled and disappointed by your diagnosis but it's actually amazing that you've got the diagnosis because living undiagnosed is really hard! When you feel able, I'd recommend researching into ASD to better understand it. Living with autism even with a diagnosis isn't easy I know, there are disadvantages but that's why we have the Equality Act. Workplaces and Educational institutions have a duty of care towards all their employees/students. If you feel that you are being treated differently because of your disability, then this is wrong, it's important to understand that it's not you that's wrong, it's them. Unfortunately, society still lacks awareness and understanding about ASD which is why there isn't an awful lot of support...

I'd recommend subscribing to Daniel M. Jones you tube channel The Aspie World. His channel is really informative and relatable.

There is also Atypical on Netflix which is a great comedy about a boy on the spectrum.

And if you enjoy a good read, look at The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time by Mark Haddon.

It's quite hard finding information or support for autistic adults because the focus is generally on children so I'd maybe start with the above to help you feel a bit lighter and accept your diagnosis. I think it's great that people have made suggestions for you like CBT and support groups which are available but I'm wondering if these may be a little much for you right now? Perhaps start small so you can build your confidence first. It takes time getting comfortable with the 'label' and I know you are probably questioning your identity. It's important to know that autistic people will learn and process differently to neurotypicals so don't beat yourself up about uni. You'll study again, in the right way for you and at the right time. Be patient and accepting of yourself. Every autistic person is different and copes differently so don't compare yourself to others on the spectrum because you won't find any answers there. Please remember this.

I hope you get the support you deserve.

Roisin

Your life is not ruined. You are still you, a human being. That you-ness is still there, with or without any diagnosis and certainly, without any stigma - which I would suggest, is the thing that really hurts. 

And your family sounds pretty dysfunctional. Been there, done that. Easier said than done, but you need to find family, friends and community that won't push your buttons and say the very things they shouldn't in the way only toxic relatives can. 

Who told you that. I don’t think it’s true especially as there are special circumstances around why this did not work out. 

I work in a uni by the way. You’re current uni is being a bit rubbish but I believe (hope...)  we’re not all like that.

If you want to chat more do PM me. I don’t want to reveal any possibly identifying features public ally but would be more than happy to chat privately. I think you’ll need to friend me first. 

I did an Access to HE course to get to Uni last year. This was my first and my last chance to go to Uni. I was told that if I didn't stick it this year, no Uni will ever want me as a student since I would have gone once and failed. So, I have to be a defeatist on this one. My future is totally ruined!

Dont be so defeatist!  this is but a small fraction of your life so far.  Many people come back to education later in life.  My own daughter is nearly 29 and is just finishing her degree after a good few false starts, and realising like you that her peers were racing ahead in life.  She is also Aspbergers.  your situation is not unique .  you yourself are threatening your life chances with your defeatist atitude.  While the university itself is not helping matters, your success is really in your hands - it just depends on your attitude.  take advantage of this site and be positive.