Newly Diagnosed, My Life Is Ruined!

If you are officially diagnosed, you are elegible for a grant of about £2500 per year, that the University is supposed to use to offer you a Mentor. Our son finished his first year at Durham with zero help and is currently taking a year off on medical grounds. He is currently working part time. Perhaps you could take a year out it would provide you with some rest bite and a chance to earn some money. It might focus the minds at the University to take your mental disability seriously and provide better support on your return?? 

You're not lazy, you're diagnosis is affirmation that your brain is wired differently to neurotypicals. I can understand you are feeling unsettled and disappointed by your diagnosis but it's actually amazing that you've got the diagnosis because living undiagnosed is really hard! When you feel able, I'd recommend researching into ASD to better understand it. Living with autism even with a diagnosis isn't easy I know, there are disadvantages but that's why we have the Equality Act. Workplaces and Educational institutions have a duty of care towards all their employees/students. If you feel that you are being treated differently because of your disability, then this is wrong, it's important to understand that it's not you that's wrong, it's them. Unfortunately, society still lacks awareness and understanding about ASD which is why there isn't an awful lot of support...

I'd recommend subscribing to Daniel M. Jones you tube channel The Aspie World. His channel is really informative and relatable.

There is also Atypical on Netflix which is a great comedy about a boy on the spectrum.

And if you enjoy a good read, look at The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time by Mark Haddon.

It's quite hard finding information or support for autistic adults because the focus is generally on children so I'd maybe start with the above to help you feel a bit lighter and accept your diagnosis. I think it's great that people have made suggestions for you like CBT and support groups which are available but I'm wondering if these may be a little much for you right now? Perhaps start small so you can build your confidence first. It takes time getting comfortable with the 'label' and I know you are probably questioning your identity. It's important to know that autistic people will learn and process differently to neurotypicals so don't beat yourself up about uni. You'll study again, in the right way for you and at the right time. Be patient and accepting of yourself. Every autistic person is different and copes differently so don't compare yourself to others on the spectrum because you won't find any answers there. Please remember this.

I hope you get the support you deserve.

Roisin

Your life is not ruined. You are still you, a human being. That you-ness is still there, with or without any diagnosis and certainly, without any stigma - which I would suggest, is the thing that really hurts. 

And your family sounds pretty dysfunctional. Been there, done that. Easier said than done, but you need to find family, friends and community that won't push your buttons and say the very things they shouldn't in the way only toxic relatives can. 

A friend of mine (NT) started his degree 4 times over. You never just get the one chance at something. Depending on what your studying, a degree might not be the only way into what you want to do. I'm only suggesting this if you find university stressful, but have you considered apprenticeships? They are really worthwhile, you don't have huge student debts, and it can springboard you quicker in your career than having a degree because you learn on the job. 

Who told you that. I don’t think it’s true especially as there are special circumstances around why this did not work out. 

I work in a uni by the way. You’re current uni is being a bit rubbish but I believe (hope...)  we’re not all like that.

If you want to chat more do PM me. I don’t want to reveal any possibly identifying features public ally but would be more than happy to chat privately. I think you’ll need to friend me first. 

I did an Access to HE course to get to Uni last year. This was my first and my last chance to go to Uni. I was told that if I didn't stick it this year, no Uni will ever want me as a student since I would have gone once and failed. So, I have to be a defeatist on this one. My future is totally ruined!

Dont be so defeatist!  this is but a small fraction of your life so far.  Many people come back to education later in life.  My own daughter is nearly 29 and is just finishing her degree after a good few false starts, and realising like you that her peers were racing ahead in life.  She is also Aspbergers.  your situation is not unique .  you yourself are threatening your life chances with your defeatist atitude.  While the university itself is not helping matters, your success is really in your hands - it just depends on your attitude.  take advantage of this site and be positive.

I generally wish that I could be kinder about myself, but due to these circumstances, I can't. As a grown adult, who has now had to watch all of her old classmates graduating from Uni and/or getting top jobs, I generally feel like I don't belong anywhere. I am planning to threaten my Uni with legal action due to them refusing to help me finish year one of my course at least. I truly wished I hadn't bothered returning to education. It's never a level playing field. I'm glad I found out about this site, after lots of searching around for a UK based forum.

Sorry for late reply to your post. I did try to reach out to my course leader, but that failed as well. He said that he was sadden to hear of my ASD diagnosis but didn't offer any means of supporting me whatsoever. 

Ally,  you really need to start being kind to yourself.  you are neither lazy or stupid (since you got into university) and how can you be a failure because you have something over which you have no control -you could similarly say I am a failure for having brown eyes!   You are a particular, individual in a rare group of people. This group is actually very gifted in many ways and many of the world's success stories come from your group.  I understand Einstein was on the spectrum and if you want someone up to date, look at Greta Thunberg, the environmental advocate who, with Aspbergers and at the age of 16 has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and indeed is the Darling of most of the western world at the moment.  She sees her difference as a gift but you see yours - which is the same as hers as a failure.  The difference is just your attitude.  You need to start seeing your difference as a gift rather than failure since you don't want to end up failing simply down to a lack of confidence and self-esteem.  You can turn this around.  The fact of the matter is that the people taking sideswipes at you are the ignorant ones, guilty of bigotry and the human race is programmed in general to reject that which is different, but not all people will do that - witness your boyfriend - don't try to push him away from you, you are the same person as the one before the diagnosis.  A miserable person pushes folk away,  smile and start fighting for yourself with the help of those who care for you and if you feel short of those, an independent advocate.  This site will help you find one, and people will gravitate to you.  you have a right to the help that is out there for you and the university has a duty to provide.  Keep all correspondence as evidence of your request for assistance and I would start threatening if they don't start coming up with the help you need.  I would not give another thought to those who are being negative towards you - ditch them as they are not worthy of you.  Don't waste emotional energy on them.  I am the mum of a 22 year old son with Aspergers, His Dad has Aspbergers and I cherish everything about them and admire them something rotten because they are not the ridiculously shallow individuals that many youngsters are and they are very clever.  You have come to the right site fr support.  The fact of the matter is that you have only recently had your diagnosis and it has understandably come as a shock to you.  Spend some time doing some research because knowledge will lessen your fear.  Attending University is a big change and many people on the ASD find change a difficult thing to manage so you have had a lot to cope with.  Start loving yourself, stop panicking, and if push come to shove ask for to re- start the course next year to get yourself into a better, place.  Dont give up the thing you have worked for and that you love so easily.  Use this site you help yourself and fight for your right then dare anyone to call you a failure!  I'm rooting for you 

There's nothing seriously wrong with you, please don't think of it like this. It's a lot to take in at the start but you will start to realise over time that knowing about ASD makes your life easier, not more difficult. Please keep reading more information about it. Having ASD does not stop you from doing anything you want to do. 

That's a really powerful image 

https://abilitynet.org.uk/we-are-abilitynet-adapting-technology-changing-lives

Might help...

Dear Ally 

These people have to help you under disability and equality legislation. If you already  have a diagnosis you don't have to wait for help. And as for software  there are many free downloads you can use and built in adjustments to the main things like MS Word and major browsers . You are also entitled to things like extra time in exams and possibly better accommodation. They should know about this. Whoever you spoke to sounds a bit useless at their job to be honest! If I were you I  would complain about them to the students union. Also someone like your advisor of studies or course leader  should be made aware. You don't need to fail, nobody wants that.

On a personal note I  would just like to say that university is a shallow place. You might be expecting too much from people in general in terms of support and understanding. Focus totally on your own well-being so you can get to a place where you can pass your courses . This is your only priority .If you happen to meet someone you can get along with that is a bonus and a blessing, but these things take time.

Best of luck 

I have been in multiple contacts with the disability advisor, and other members of student support. They told me that I wouldn't be able to get any adjustments unless I waited 8-10 weeks to be tested for DSA. By this stage, I still hadn't got other software I was promised to help me finish even a term's worth of work. To be honest, they really don't want to know about me and my struggles. If they did, then this would have been sorted out by now. Instead, I'm facing an uncertain future full of debt, upset and no longer having trusts with anyone!

Because for nearly 21 years, my life has basically been a lie. All of the people over the days, weeks and months that said to me that something was seriously wrong with who I was. I fought back. I didn't believe them. I was wrong and they've all won. That's why it's been very traumatic for me. 

Your University definitely has a service or advisor for disabilities. Contact them please.  Ask student services if you are not sure howbp to find them.  You can get support  and reasonable adjustments to help you study such as extensions, equipment, special library services and above all some respect and understanding. The key is to get it on paper. Then anyone at the University who knowingly discriminates against you is breaking the law.  I work in education so I  know this for certain.

And if anyone gives you a hard time just point out the long list of highly intelligent people in history with ASD conditions. Like Einstein...

Why has it been traumatic? Being officially diagnosed does not change who you are, you've always been this way, but now you have a method of understanding yourself. Please keep reading all you can about autism, there is a lot of information out there. Knowing how your brain works and why an autistic brain sometimes gets tripped up in a neurotypical led world is really useful information. You just need some time to work out what you're strengths are and what you might need some extra support with. What you'll probably find now is you see your past self in a new light and wish you had known about the ASD earlier. It does take time though so do go easy on yourself. 

I've been reaching out to people over the last few months, but to no avail. You would think that a Uni would want to help but obviously not. Most people I knew from uni were drinkers or clubbers. I used to get so intimidated by them. 

Hi, thanks for your advice. I've tried emailing on many occasions to student services and tutor but never got a reply. I just don't think I'll ever end up coming to terms with it to be honest. It's been very traumatic for everyone.