How many meltdowns a week?

Kitsune - Exactly! Getting a better handle on what's going on in your own head is a long-term and very imperfect process though so don't beat yourself up if progress is r-e-a-l-l-y slow . . . It gets a little better every day.

I know exactly what you mean - I seem to be perfectly normal one minute and raving the next with no transition - but gradually I realise that the 'trigger' is usually totally trivial but the actual cause is some more substantial issue that I've just not been aware of enough - or, maybe more honestly, that I *have* been aware of on some level but was hoping would go away so I wouldn't have to deal with it. It makes it even more upsetting because it feels like you've just had a total breakdown because someone put the hand blender in the wrong drawer when really it's about work or someone who's driving you nuts but you don't know how to tell them etc because you feel like it's your fault somehow. I'm really lucky in having a couple of NT friends who will point out to me that I'm upset about something days or weeks before I have any idea myself :D

I think perhaps women are more likely not to meltdown in the typical way that is thought of when people say meltdown for the similar reasons as to why women mask. But it obviously isn't a strict rule. Some girls/women are more classically autistic and their meltdown may consist of screaming, throwing etc. I work in an SEN school and it amazes me how much meltdowns vary.

Yeah, sort of. It’s been like a whirl wind to me. And it’s only through having the support. For example, I only found out I didn’t recognise my emotions when my support worker told her colleague, who was with her that day, that I didn’t recognise my emotions. I was, don’t I? Lol! 

And the black and white and self obsessed catastrophic thinking. It’s weird, but as it all comes out, as I’m starting to see it and understand it, it’s like it doesn’t go away, but I see it in a whole new light, and it’s no longer a problem. It’s weird and I’m realising that how I learn is really weird as well. Which makes sense, seeing as how I see the world is weird compared to most people. 

But with emotions thing. It was like I would get a strong emotion of upset but because I didn’t recognise it, before I know it, it’s like I’m caught up in this giant ball of emotion and I don’t know what’s going on. It’s like heart wrenching sobbing. But somehow, it’s not happening any more, not to the degree that it was and for much less time when it does. 

Thank you. It sounds like if I develop a better understanding of what’s happening in my head then I’ll be able to manage it better

They’re horrible aren’t they, those thoughts? I’m generally quite a stable person but when I’m in that space of being completely overwhelmed it’s like all rational sense goes completely out of the window. Thank you for the advice re recognising early warning signs. Mine don’t happen often but when they do they come on quite suddenly, something really stressful happens and it just sets me off. BUT thinking about it, there usually has been stress for a few weeks leading up to it and it’s just that last thing that tips me over the edge so to speak. So I guess I could look at finding more effective ways to deal with the stressful situations before they get to that point.

Thank you for your reply. I do wonder, but may be wrong, if this is another thing on which women present a little bit differently to men?

That sounds like what happens to me when I get upset. It's what lead me to finding this site and I learned, from people on this site, and my support worker, that when this happened, it was because I was upset but because I don't recognise my emotions, they become overwhelming, and all I would know is that I feel like I want to die, which I realised just meant that I wanted the painful emotions or whatever was happening, to stop. 

Since I realised all this, I've been able to turn things around. Instead of giving in to the tears, I kind of counsel myself I suppose. I tell myself that I'm ok, because that's the truth, and I somehow pull myself round, much quicker. It depends on the situation as to what I do, but I don't give in to it and I can usually work out what happened much quicker. And even if it takes me a few days, it's better than never really understanding what happened at all. 

I've even, in my heart, forgiven my sister (long story) because I can now see my behaviour etc. This was only a few days ago and tonight I got a text message from her!!!

Sounds like a meltdown to me, I also just burst into tears for no reason when I'm stressed and I really know what you're talking about with the awful thoughts you get - I have suicidal and self-harming thoughts when I'm freaking out but it's just for that short period of time when I'm just completely overwhelmed. As soon as I come out of it, I'm fine and the thoughts I was having seem quite alien. I think it probably takes people in different ways, I had a fairly challenging childhood and have a co-diagnosis of anxiety disorder so If I'm really overwhelmed it's kind of like a panic attack on steroids, I'm only bad enough to hit myself around the head rarely but it does still happen sometimes. If I'm just bit stressed and overwhelmed I'll sob my heart out and my breathing will go crazy for a while but no yelling etc. What you're describing does sound like a meltdown to me, crying is a good plan as it'll release endorphins which help your mood stabilise. The best way to deal with it is to wind your 'early warning' back as far as you can so that you can be aware and get out of a stressful situation before you become acutely overwhelmed in the first place. I'd like to know what Former Member's technique is too . . .

I would definitely say that is a meltdown. My meltdown usually involve crying and shouting. Or just shutting down completely and not speaking. Meltdowns can come in many shapes and forms. They're not all screaming and throwing. 

She just seemed to completely accept what was happening, I think she held my hands or something, I can't remember that bit, but it was as if she held this space for me and she was completely unaffected by it. Anyway, whatever she did, once I had calmed down, every time I tried to talk about it, she very clearly, but gently, steered me back to the fact that I was ok now, and got my mind thinking about something else, something positive I presume. 

The key to all this for me, was that I no longer allow myself to think about the incident or whatever it was that kicked it off ~ I realised, in total amazement, that the actual meltdown didn't last that long ~ and I've since learned calming techniques such as deep breathing and stimming, no matter where I am, to help calm me down ~ and then once I'm calm, I just don't allow myself to think about it at all. 

I realised that when my work coach prevented me from talking about it, I felt so much better. 

This might sound obvious to you, I don't know, but it was a revalation to me. Honestly, prior to this, I would obsess for hours, maybe days, over what happened. 

I also realised there was tremendous power in her complete acceptance of what was happening and the way she didn't react. I also knew she wouldn't be there every time I have a meltdown, so I realised  I had to have the same acceptance in me. 

I also tested it out. I went to a shopping place that I knew could bring on a meltdown, which it did, and I stimmed in public, then sat in my car and did some deep breathing to recover enough to then drive home. 

So it's like not only do I accept them now, I also don't fear them and if they happen, I know what to do. And I'm not afraid to tell somebody what's happening or to ask for help if I need it. In fact, that's how I found my autism group by having a meltdown in town ~ another story :) 

But I think that's it. If there's anything you're not clear about, let me know. 

It sounds a bit too simple, now I'm writing it down, but it has worked, and I'm still learning but the complete and utter acceptance was a big thing. And knowing it's ok, it's just part of who I am, or 'was' it seems ‍♀️

And of course getting to know myself better and what things do cause me stress and avoiding them, knowing I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. 

Can I ask a question please? I never used to think that I had melt downs as I don’t hit myself around the head or anything BUT what I do get, if I get overwhelmed by stressors is I’ll start crying, like proper sobbing for well over an hour, longer if people in my house are being stupid and continuing to put pressure on me. While I’m in that state I get really dark thoughts of wanting to end my life and stuff, I’m not suicidal it’s just at the time it’s a impulsive thought as it’s the only way I can think of to escape the overwhelming situation that I’m in at that time. The only way I can calm down and stop thinking such thoughts and stop sobbing uncontrollably is to just be on my own in a quiet place away from everyone and everything. Afterwards I tend to need to distract myself, maybe by reading or something, just to snap my mind out of it. Is this like a mild type of meltdown or am I just being a total drama queen?

Oh God, wonderful - what was the technique? Pretty please?

Totally depends - as a child I melted down quite a bit (can't remember exactly how often), as a teenager/young woman trying to cope with a difficult childhood and undiagnosed AS I melted down a couple of times a week and sometimes more. Once I got a grip on the AS, and counselling for anxiety and depression - and in the 'old days' of the 80s and 90s when you could sign on for long-ish periods without hassle or study on full grants and scholarships I would have very few meltdowns because I was able to manage a recovery routine over a few months really well - stay at home, sleep enough, eat properly and spend ages planning nutrition etc and nurturing kefir cultures etc, go for a long walk, listen to some music and stim, lose myself in my interest du jour. When I was doing my PhD they used to leave you alone - I'd work round the clock for a few weeks then flake into recovery routine for a few weeks - that worked totally for me, few meltdowns. Fast forward to new millennium and crushing economic pressure and stressful work environments - I'm usually OK if I'm at home but will melt down if I've had a particularly stressful time at work or had to travel a lot etc. Like you, I can usually head it off, if I'm at home, with music and stimming but if I'm out I'm f****d - my best hope is to get home *before* I start yelling and hitting myself around the head in public ;) Sometimes I'm too stupid (and lacking in self-awareness) to tell an NT friend when I need to be alone and I'll get overwhelmed and melt down over something trivial like a kitchen implement in the wrong cupboard so I can't find it. The best I can say for the whole topic is that I manage it better and better as I get older (despite external conditions getting much more challenging) and I now only tend to melt down mildly in airport security etc - so you've the likelihood of improvement to look forward to :D  And some of my savvier NT friends have learned to read the runes and take themselves off when they see signs that I'm not coping. In my experience, it *does* get a lot better as your coping techniques get more effective and remembering to do them more like 'second nature'.

I don't have proper meltdowns very often. I tend to either get really upset and shouty or completely shut down when this happens. I do get easily frustrated regularly but I can generally control this as long as I can have some time alone. Anxiety is just a regular for me at the moment though, that I feel most days. I do come home from work and just slump though. I don't function well in the evenings.

Mine are down to zero at the minute. They started to reduce when I had a major meltdown in the job centre last year, and it turns out, my job coach knew exactly what to do and it was the first time in my life I had had a meltdown in front of somebody who actually not only knew what was happening but she knew what to do to help me come out of it. 

I was absolutely astonished, and since then, without me noticing really, they have gradually reduced to nothing. I don’t know if it will remain this way, but now I know how to handle them, I no longer fear them. Maybe that’s why I no longer have them? Maybe it was the fear of them that was actually bringing them on? 

Prior to this, I was definitely having a good few a week and some of them were torturous ~ no wonder I feared them! But I don’t fear them anymore. The only thing I am making certain of, is to avoid burnouts. I will not have another burnout but I’m prepared to risk a meltdown. 

I'm very lucky in that I only have proper meltdowns maybe once every couple of years. I'd say the overall cycle is pretty much the same as yours but lasts for a few hours.