How many meltdowns a week?

Can I ask a question please? I never used to think that I had melt downs as I don’t hit myself around the head or anything BUT what I do get, if I get overwhelmed by stressors is I’ll start crying, like proper sobbing for well over an hour, longer if people in my house are being stupid and continuing to put pressure on me. While I’m in that state I get really dark thoughts of wanting to end my life and stuff, I’m not suicidal it’s just at the time it’s a impulsive thought as it’s the only way I can think of to escape the overwhelming situation that I’m in at that time. The only way I can calm down and stop thinking such thoughts and stop sobbing uncontrollably is to just be on my own in a quiet place away from everyone and everything. Afterwards I tend to need to distract myself, maybe by reading or something, just to snap my mind out of it. Is this like a mild type of meltdown or am I just being a total drama queen?

Sounds like a meltdown to me, I also just burst into tears for no reason when I'm stressed and I really know what you're talking about with the awful thoughts you get - I have suicidal and self-harming thoughts when I'm freaking out but it's just for that short period of time when I'm just completely overwhelmed. As soon as I come out of it, I'm fine and the thoughts I was having seem quite alien. I think it probably takes people in different ways, I had a fairly challenging childhood and have a co-diagnosis of anxiety disorder so If I'm really overwhelmed it's kind of like a panic attack on steroids, I'm only bad enough to hit myself around the head rarely but it does still happen sometimes. If I'm just bit stressed and overwhelmed I'll sob my heart out and my breathing will go crazy for a while but no yelling etc. What you're describing does sound like a meltdown to me, crying is a good plan as it'll release endorphins which help your mood stabilise. The best way to deal with it is to wind your 'early warning' back as far as you can so that you can be aware and get out of a stressful situation before you become acutely overwhelmed in the first place. I'd like to know what Former Member's technique is too . . .

Sounds like a meltdown to me, I also just burst into tears for no reason when I'm stressed and I really know what you're talking about with the awful thoughts you get - I have suicidal and self-harming thoughts when I'm freaking out but it's just for that short period of time when I'm just completely overwhelmed. As soon as I come out of it, I'm fine and the thoughts I was having seem quite alien. I think it probably takes people in different ways, I had a fairly challenging childhood and have a co-diagnosis of anxiety disorder so If I'm really overwhelmed it's kind of like a panic attack on steroids, I'm only bad enough to hit myself around the head rarely but it does still happen sometimes. If I'm just bit stressed and overwhelmed I'll sob my heart out and my breathing will go crazy for a while but no yelling etc. What you're describing does sound like a meltdown to me, crying is a good plan as it'll release endorphins which help your mood stabilise. The best way to deal with it is to wind your 'early warning' back as far as you can so that you can be aware and get out of a stressful situation before you become acutely overwhelmed in the first place. I'd like to know what Former Member's technique is too . . .

Thank you for your replies, it’s good to feel understood after years of feeling misunderstood 

Oh God that totally resonates, yes, I can't bear to be pressured either to resolve something I don't feel equal to - or to behave like a "normal" sociable person when I'm feeling shut down. That's enough to trigger me - but even then I don't deal with it, I flip out about some trivial frustration instead.

I live alone and although it's a bit lonely I do love the space and being left alone from the pressure to "act normal". Having said that, I am getting better at dealing with things that scare me - but it takes me a few weeks of preparing and another few days to recover. And good friends who give me space to get there on my own, just helping with a little gentle insight into how to deal with it. 

I think the bit you said about being aware that there is stress on some level but hoping it will go away so you don't have to deal with it is exactly how I get. I'm not the best at resolving stressful situations so they go unresolved but I guess that leads to my stress levels increasing so then, yeah as you said something really little sets me off, I can get ranting and raving meltdowns too and thinking about it it's usually when someone, usually my husband, keeps putting pressure on my to either resolve a situation that I don't feel needs to be resolved or to resolve a situation in a way that I don't agree with. He's not a person that is easy to put my point of view across to, it's either his way or the highway, so despite my protests he'll keep pressuring me to do what he wants me to do, even though i don't want to do it, I can't resolve it so it just festers away while I keep avoiding doing whatever it is that he wants me to do. Then eventually I get the pressure cooker effect and explode, usually about something unrelated

I know exactly what you mean - I seem to be perfectly normal one minute and raving the next with no transition - but gradually I realise that the 'trigger' is usually totally trivial but the actual cause is some more substantial issue that I've just not been aware of enough - or, maybe more honestly, that I *have* been aware of on some level but was hoping would go away so I wouldn't have to deal with it. It makes it even more upsetting because it feels like you've just had a total breakdown because someone put the hand blender in the wrong drawer when really it's about work or someone who's driving you nuts but you don't know how to tell them etc because you feel like it's your fault somehow. I'm really lucky in having a couple of NT friends who will point out to me that I'm upset about something days or weeks before I have any idea myself :D

They’re horrible aren’t they, those thoughts? I’m generally quite a stable person but when I’m in that space of being completely overwhelmed it’s like all rational sense goes completely out of the window. Thank you for the advice re recognising early warning signs. Mine don’t happen often but when they do they come on quite suddenly, something really stressful happens and it just sets me off. BUT thinking about it, there usually has been stress for a few weeks leading up to it and it’s just that last thing that tips me over the edge so to speak. So I guess I could look at finding more effective ways to deal with the stressful situations before they get to that point.