How many meltdowns a week?

Can I ask a question please? I never used to think that I had melt downs as I don’t hit myself around the head or anything BUT what I do get, if I get overwhelmed by stressors is I’ll start crying, like proper sobbing for well over an hour, longer if people in my house are being stupid and continuing to put pressure on me. While I’m in that state I get really dark thoughts of wanting to end my life and stuff, I’m not suicidal it’s just at the time it’s a impulsive thought as it’s the only way I can think of to escape the overwhelming situation that I’m in at that time. The only way I can calm down and stop thinking such thoughts and stop sobbing uncontrollably is to just be on my own in a quiet place away from everyone and everything. Afterwards I tend to need to distract myself, maybe by reading or something, just to snap my mind out of it. Is this like a mild type of meltdown or am I just being a total drama queen?

That sounds like what happens to me when I get upset. It's what lead me to finding this site and I learned, from people on this site, and my support worker, that when this happened, it was because I was upset but because I don't recognise my emotions, they become overwhelming, and all I would know is that I feel like I want to die, which I realised just meant that I wanted the painful emotions or whatever was happening, to stop. 

Since I realised all this, I've been able to turn things around. Instead of giving in to the tears, I kind of counsel myself I suppose. I tell myself that I'm ok, because that's the truth, and I somehow pull myself round, much quicker. It depends on the situation as to what I do, but I don't give in to it and I can usually work out what happened much quicker. And even if it takes me a few days, it's better than never really understanding what happened at all. 

I've even, in my heart, forgiven my sister (long story) because I can now see my behaviour etc. This was only a few days ago and tonight I got a text message from her!!!

Thank you. It sounds like if I develop a better understanding of what’s happening in my head then I’ll be able to manage it better

Thank you

Kitsune - Exactly! Getting a better handle on what's going on in your own head is a long-term and very imperfect process though so don't beat yourself up if progress is r-e-a-l-l-y slow . . . It gets a little better every day.

Yeah, sort of. It’s been like a whirl wind to me. And it’s only through having the support. For example, I only found out I didn’t recognise my emotions when my support worker told her colleague, who was with her that day, that I didn’t recognise my emotions. I was, don’t I? Lol! 

And the black and white and self obsessed catastrophic thinking. It’s weird, but as it all comes out, as I’m starting to see it and understand it, it’s like it doesn’t go away, but I see it in a whole new light, and it’s no longer a problem. It’s weird and I’m realising that how I learn is really weird as well. Which makes sense, seeing as how I see the world is weird compared to most people. 

But with emotions thing. It was like I would get a strong emotion of upset but because I didn’t recognise it, before I know it, it’s like I’m caught up in this giant ball of emotion and I don’t know what’s going on. It’s like heart wrenching sobbing. But somehow, it’s not happening any more, not to the degree that it was and for much less time when it does. 

Yeah, sort of. It’s been like a whirl wind to me. And it’s only through having the support. For example, I only found out I didn’t recognise my emotions when my support worker told her colleague, who was with her that day, that I didn’t recognise my emotions. I was, don’t I? Lol! 

And the black and white and self obsessed catastrophic thinking. It’s weird, but as it all comes out, as I’m starting to see it and understand it, it’s like it doesn’t go away, but I see it in a whole new light, and it’s no longer a problem. It’s weird and I’m realising that how I learn is really weird as well. Which makes sense, seeing as how I see the world is weird compared to most people. 

But with emotions thing. It was like I would get a strong emotion of upset but because I didn’t recognise it, before I know it, it’s like I’m caught up in this giant ball of emotion and I don’t know what’s going on. It’s like heart wrenching sobbing. But somehow, it’s not happening any more, not to the degree that it was and for much less time when it does.