Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
I get overwhelmed too, now I try and remember to write a checklist for things I need to do so I can remember
Hi
I would love to be able to give you some advice but I am the complete opposite. I throw everything away as I know if I don’t it would cause me huge anxiety. Everything needs to be in order and the clearer for me the less stress it causes.
That’s a beautiful post right there. I know I’m 5yrs too late but I was looking for answers to all of this and read it. I’ll remember that and think it will help me. Many thanks and good wishes.️
Oh, how I wish I could show you my bedroom! I am autistic with added ADD just for fun, I have areas of meticulously well-ordered "junk" but they are nestled within piles of totally random and disorganised clutter.There is a path from the door to the bed, I'd recommend the use of a Machete and Rhino Repellant if you want to pop around and venture off into my jungle and do some exploring.
I am seriously thinking about making a video of it as it is now and put it on Youtube! I'd then do weekly episodes of my attempts to clear it all up (and find some socks-along with the £340 I lost in there a month or so ago!) Now I come to write this down, I think I will go through with it! I do need to borrow a decent camera which may prove problematic but I like the idea more and more so will see what I can come up with.
I have three washing machine motors-any takers?
Brilliant!
I am a mad dog lady too - I like both! Only have cats at the moment, but we're planning on getting a dog next year.
If your Buddha watches over you like my frog does, perhaps it would be kind to give him more of a view ;-)
Your little bronze frog sounds delightful. How lovely to have a beautiful tactile object with presence by your bed. I must declutter my bedside table there's a little marble Buddha overshadowed by a massive pile of books. Mad cat ladies are right up there with us mad dog ladies (which I am very proud to be!).
It isn't a quick fix. Our strategy was to move everything that wasn't vital to our day to day living into a storage unit. It will alleviate the immediate stress. The important thing is to make a it a fixed term rental so you don't dump it and leave it, costing you money each month. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. OH can definitely help with this.
Next, if you haven't used it in 6 months, get rid of it. Either toss, list or freecycle it. If it is something the kids made, take a couple digital pics and then toss it. Assign a specific amount of time to dedicate to the task each week and chip away at the clutter. You won't feel overwhelmed at home and you will also feel like you are getting somewhere each time you walk out of the storage with a couple black bags.
Soaps were fabulous in the 1960s and 1970s. As well as different coloured bars you could get sea shell soaps and lots of other shapes. Do you remember the red foul smelling soap some schools used to have? It was truly disgusting! A million miles from Camay or Imperial Leather with their wonderful creamy lather!
What an impressive selection of cereals. I never really count food as clutter - I probably should as I tend to overestimate how much we need. As you point out this could well be linked to anxiety. I like the way you have arranged the cereal boxes. It is a lovely photo.
I am not really fond of frogs, and think they not the prettiest of creatures (I am another cat person, of which there seem to be plenty on here). Most of the frog things have been quietly disposed of - luckily my aunt lives far away and doesn't visit my house, so she will never know!
There is one exception. I have a little bronze frog, which I think I remember from the packaging was based on a statue from ancient Egypt, and that is beautiful, and wonderfully tactile. I often pick it up just to feel it in my hands. It has a real presence about it as well, if that's not a strange thing to say. even though it is small, I notice it every time I walk into the room. I have him watching over me in bed!
Luckily I do not get bought loads of things with cats on .... I am enough of a mad cat lady already, without having to advertise it
Oh no! Did you grow to like your frog collection in the end? Something similar happened to my adult daughter... no one quite knows why but we all started buying her things with owls on. I found out last year (10 years on), that she has never had a thing about owls. My husband is keeping up the tradition regardless and sent her a birthday card with an owl on this year!
I don't like judgemental programmes - you're absolutely right, the obsessive cleaning can be just as dysfunctional as the hoarding, or collecting depending on which way you see it. The programme I found most helpful was where a psychologist got involved in helping people who had developed a problem with too much stuff. The theory being that at the root of the problem there was often a deep-rooted sense of grief or loss. This made sense to me - accumulating lots of stuff became a self-protective mechanism when I was going through turmoil and uncertainty in my life. A compassionate approach is hugely important, and working at a pace that the person feels comfortable with. I have had meltdowns when I have been put under pressure to let go of stuff too quickly by other people. There's a fine line between collecting and hoarding. Lots of wonderful ephemera would have been lost forever were it not for people like me!
Speaking of those hoarding programmes....ive often thought the hoarders are made out to be the one with the problem. The obsessive cleaners are portrayed as "saviours" when really they have a problrm as much as the hoarders. I think they often show the benefits of how they have helped the hoarders but very little attention is paid to how the obsesdive cleaners have benefitted. So i think theyre usually quite one sided these programmes.
But if they spur you on then theres no harm in that!
At least all my food is still in date.
My mother had a large collection both in the kitchen and in the bedroom wardrobe. When we cleared things out we found dried macaroni 14 years past its use by date.
Oh boy, guilty as charged on that one. When I cleared out the corner cupboard in my kitchen, I discovered I had 5 bags of macaroni. Partly due to a tendency to stock up, partly because I had so much junk in there, it was impossible to see at a glance what I had. This undoubtedly led to just buying another packet ..... and made the problem even worse.
I will keep buying in bulk if there's a really good offer on though. I grew up poor and still have a strong frugal streak, so if it's something I know I will use, I will grab it while it's cheap!
You made the very important link between anxiety and clutter collections. Many of us get very anxious if we don't stock up.
I have just counted 12 toilet rolls and 8 packets of cereals in my flat.
So I've tried to declutter things like books, CDs, DVDs. But other collections are still intact.
This is such a fascinating thread! I am the main clutterer in our house. I've decided that accumulating vast quantities of car parts does not count (that's my husband's thing) because old cars need to be repaired quite often. He keeps everything in an outhouse, beautifully well-organised, so it does not intrude like all my stuff does.
I am working on reducing my various collections. I did it once before when I first moved in with my husband. I sold and gave a lot away then which was incredibly hard at the time. Mother-in-law is a great collector and she kept inciting me to hang on to things by saying "oh but it's lovely, don't you think you'll miss it?"
What seems to work for me is watching a hoarding programme on TV or reading a book about clearing clutter then going for it as quickly as possible. I try to get things straight down to the charity shop, then avoid going in for several weeks in case I buy something back!
My husband gets a bit anxious if our stock of toilet rolls falls below 10. In the run up to Brexit it has occurred to him that we ought to start buying a few extra, just in case there is a national shortage. I will remind him that in the old days we got by without them, but I expect our loft to be full to the rafters with Andrex soon!
As a general rule the more stressed I get the more untidy things get, and the more untidy things get the more stressed I get (it's a really vicious circle). I'm hoping it will work in the other direction too. As I am currently immobilised with an ankle injury I have started making lists of what needs sorting. That feels quite good in itself!
The mention of soap conjured up a memory for me, not so much the different colours but more the soap on a rope shapes, characters and animals. My elder sister had loads of them.
she also collected novelty shampoo bottles that came in strange figure shapes, In fact most of my family were collectors, from key rings to match boxes they were a favourite of mine, my dad collected them as he went about his business, my elder sister collected them, the variety was enormous, big long strips of tear off ones, pictures of the queens guards, police men, tiny little wax paper matches that were rolled tight into thin stalks, wind proof that had a really long burn tip. There were bags of them,
also stamp collecting,
myself well yes I collect certain things but not for long! Yes I get to many but I soon tire of them and move into something else,
I also research my collections thoroughly, wether it be musical instruments or old tools or even a particular marque of car, I had seven of the same make maker, different models within a model range,
I don’t consider my interest as an issue but,,,,Well,,,,,
I also struggle to part with things which may one day be of use or be part of a new project.
I am about to have a major clear out, I have lost all interest in them.
They have become a major major issue.
About 15 years ago I packed up my life, which at that point was the contents of a 1 bedroom maisonette and moved back home prior to going to university. All of that stuff is still in my room at home. For a while some of it moved to Cornwall with me after Uni. But I have too much clutter. i throw virtually nothing away besides rubbish. I need to streamline in a major way. <y room isn't unclean nor does it have the appearance of someone with kleptomania or a hoarder mentality, but I do have too much stuff that I neither use nor wear.
So yes I have your problem and I do empathise.