Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
im the same.got piles of stuff i need to get rid of, but cant until ive resolved in my mind that i dont need it....in the meantime, the piles get bigger and bigger...
I suggested that too .... network storage for all DVDs and for his 100 or so games too .... but he still won't let go of the boxes. He has run out of storage for any more downloaded games, so this seemed like a good moment to suggest the idea.
We can't dump the clutter in the garage, because we are a seriously petrol-headed household and the garage is actually full of our toys, and the tools to work on them. There's already junk out there that has crept in over the years and gets in the way of it being a functional garage. That is next on my declutter list, once the house is done.
After that the summer house (AKA dumping ground).... don't even get me started on the rubbish that is in there. We can't use it as a summer house, put it that way!
We copied everything onto RAID servers so all the actual discs are safely boxed up in the garage. No DVD or CD player in the house - all wireless via micro pc to the stereo & tv. No clutter needed.
Hi LMS, good idea and I did try that, as he already had some of his CDs in one of these folders, so I assumed he had no objections .... however, when I asked him, he said he wanted to keep the boxes because he "likes the artwork". In fact he's now fretting about where the boxes for the ones in the folder have gone. AAARGGHHH. I told him "probably thrown out years ago" (that is what I am hoping anyway, because if his parents find them in the loft one day, they will give them to him and they will get added to the overflowing cupboards full of junk).
We ended up with him sorting through all of them, and deciding he wants to keep everything. Sum total of my possessions that I can now store in our (large) living room? One sewing box, 3 CDs, 10 DVDs. Sigh.
We put all our DVD and blu rays we wanted to keep into a bug CD holder and recycled the boxes. Perhaps your OH would allow this? This is the sort of one we have but I think it is a c.200 disc one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/AmazonBasics-Binder-Capacity-Nylon-Black/dp/B00DIHVMEA/ref=sr_1_3_acs_pb_intl_sl_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539167574&sr=8-3-acs&keywords=CD+case
We have toilet paper memories in common.
In my childhood we also used cut up newspapers. Living in old houses the plumbing was resistant to blockages.
I remember my father spending a considerable amount of time trying to find the hard Izal paper in the shops. He said it was proper, professional toilet paper because that's what they used at his factory toilets.
It was disgusting, even worse than newspapers. I immediately concluded that it was awful to avoid theft.
I remember that in the 70s & 80s the choice of colours was enormous. And I think that's when my mother started her collection. When I used her mushy green pea roll in the 90s . This large choice was no longer available. Thus her getting upset.
She also had a large collection of bars of soap. Again all different colours.
I had no idea that was where bumf comes from! I love the origins of words - that is my no1 special interest. Fascinating that there is also a word for the study of toilet paper :-)
Apparently if I really did love frogs (see above), I would be a batrachophile
Wow, I guess there is a collection for everyone out there.
I do have a non-deliberate collection too: "things with frogs on". One year my sister found some novelty frog based items (sponge, inflatable soap holder) and bought them for me as a christmas stocking filler because she thought they were funny.
My aunt saw this, and, without ever asking me, concluded that I was crazy about frogs. I received frog-themed xmas gifts for about 10 years after that! That turned into a pretty strange collection too ....
There seems to be a word for an interest in toilet paper: cloacopapyrology
There is an excellent article on toilet paper from the Ephemera society:
http://www.ephemera-society.org.uk/articles/cloacopapyrology.html
I can remember in my younger days using newspaper, it was torn up into neat rectangles in the bathroom (really just a toilet, no washing facilities there at all). It may have been ok in an earth closet but I am sure it didn't flush too well and could cause blockages. The dye probably wasn't too good from a health viewpoint as it must have come off on the bottom when used for such a purpose, and what the long term affects of newsprint absorption are I don't know but wouldn't imagine it was without risk.
The word 'bumf' meaning useless, wordy documentation from official bodies comes from 'bum fodder', no doubt as it was thought its best use was for toilet paper.
I also remember the hard shiny on one side, rough on the other toilet paper made by Bronco (other types were made by Izal (Izal medicated) and Jeyes). It seemed merely to spread the foul matter about the bottom rather than remove it, but it was beloved of councils and other bodies for public lavatories long after its use in the home had been consigned to history (probably because it helped prevent excessive use or theft).
Coloured toilet paper does not seem so popular now, (it tends to be just patterns on the paper in most homes when toilet paper does have colour on it). But it was enormously popular in the 70s and 80s when the awful coloured bathroom suites were popular and the shades matched the bathroom suite.
I must say I bought some 'Snowman' toilet paper as I thought it was tasteless with pictures of 'The Snowman' on it, I bought it as an example of something not to use, but I thought it would be a collectors item. It did eventually get used when I had run out.
moggsy said:Oh dear, I shouldn't laugh, but a toilet roll collection seems like a strange one!! Well, I guess you thought so too .....
Well apparently she was not the only one - Toilet roll collection
I love how they have they have to mention the fact that the collections are unused!
Oh dear, I shouldn't laugh, but a toilet roll collection seems like a strange one!! Well, I guess you thought so too ..... I think I was much more prone to this kind of collection as a child. I had collections of single sheets of stationery, pencil erasers, that sort of thing, and I mostly just arranged them and looked at them (and smelt them, in the case of the pencil erasers). I would have hit the roof if someone had taken one and used it for its intended purpose!
Most of my collections now are more functional: books, matching underwear, guitars .....
I think it is tiring and overwhelming due to the apparent lack of a "gate system" in the autistic brain, resulting in said poor old brain not being able to filter what it should attend to from what it should ignore, resulting in it trying to attend to everything, simultaneously.
I most definitely have problems with this, and it is exhausting. The brain going at 100 miles an hour, trying to take in every single thing I can see or hear, all at once. Maybe that is why the idea of less visual clutter at home is so appealing. I really cannot imagine/understand my better half's assertion that he "doesn't see it" ..... I see absolutely everything, and when there's a lot of it, it feels like it's all competing for my attention, and that wears me out! It's almost like the stuff in front of you is shouting at you.
Same with supermarkets. I do all of my shopping on line, for this very reason. I find physical supermarkets very stressful places!
Clutter, choice and toilet rolls !
Among my mother's many collections, were toilet rolls.
I knew there was a large number of toilet rolls stored in her bedroom. So when I 'ran out' of paper I took one from there.
What a row followed. It turned out that the roll I took was a particular shade of mushy green peas that was unavailable in the shops at that time. It had been in her collection for years.
When my mother passed away. I gradually used her collection for purpose it was originally intended.
I cant be doing with the excessive choice. Who needs toilet roll enriched with aloe vera?!
I prefer Aldi for the same reasons as you. One type and size of tomato sauce!
I went to the garden centre earlier this year with my mum. I didnt know which tomato.plant to choose after id picked a few up. She said "always go with your first choice". Ive carried this forward everytime i go shopping now. Eg when buying fresh food.
Choicr creates anxiety cos we think in choosing A we are missing out on B. Whereas in reality once we have purchased A, then we forget about B.
Starbuck said:Supermarkets are my biggest irritation for this. The reason I memorise the layout of the store is so I can find things easily and not have to look at every single item to find what I want. When they move things, I then have to look at EVERYTHING to try and find what I want, which sends my anxiety skyrocketing and often means I am in the store much longer than I anticipated
That is exactly why they do it. They do not want people just going in and buying what they want and nowt else. They want people to spend a long time in the store and spend more money.
Unforttunately that doesn't go very well with autistic people on several levels. Perhaps as part of the new 'autism friendly' thing they could stop doing it. I'm sure a lot of non autistic people don't like it either, but for someone autistic, it is so very annoying and I have often just walked out of the shop when they have done it. I very rarely go into tesco now because of the too much choice thing and their incessant rearrangement. I shop at Aldi and Lidls mostly, their restricted ranges means it is easier to find stuff but they are also not averse to rearrangement every few months.
I agree with this completely. I find clutter tiring and overwhelming to deal with. I have noticed that most other people can briefly scan a number of items or area in front of them without having to focus on each item individually, so they don't necessarily 'see' the clutter, but I have to look at every individual item, so I 'see' all the clutter for what it is and it is only then that you notice just how much stuff there is to 'see'.
Supermarkets are my biggest irritation for this. The reason I memorise the layout of the store is so I can find things easily and not have to look at every single item to find what I want. When they move things, I then have to look at EVERYTHING to try and find what I want, which sends my anxiety skyrocketing and often means I am in the store much longer than I anticipated. How people just quickly scan to find what they want is beyond me. This is why I prefer online shopping as it is so much more logical.
DaisyDuck said:
My ongoing battle is paperwork clutter.
I have a degree of anxiety about throwing out old workbooks with half-baked thoughts about developing my website or business... in case they are useful, my house admin paperwork is a bit of a disaster zone, but somehow bills etc get paid (direct debit), but I am anxious about the fact that it is not organised, but too anxious about tackling it to organise it... unhelpful cycle - if anyone has cracked this please let me know any tips and tricks you use to get yourself to do it! When I moved house last year I shredded or took to the tip 22 boxes of paperwork. I now have a big double-wardrobe worth that needs sorting out and I'm kicking myself for not staying on top of it! Any ideas?!
My partner used to have issues with paperwork as it would be everywhere and he hadn't got a clue where any of it was.
I have a set of filing drawers, where each drawer is labelled for a specific category, so for example - Wages/P60s/Contracts, Utilities, Mortgage/Rent etc.
I then go through all my paperwork and put them into their set drawers. That is the first bit. If I find that there is no more room in the drawer then I focus on that specific drawer and go through to see what is older than 2 years and shred them, unless it is something critically important that must be kept safe like birth certificates etc. Where possible I now go paperless so it is less paperwork to file as this saves time in the long run. I also like collecting recipes, so I make sure I have a magazine organiser for keeping all loose recipes together so they don't clutter the place or get damaged/lost.
If I am really on top of it, then I will make sure everything in each drawer is in item and date order, but at the moment I am not that on top of it. :-) The fact that it is in the right drawer and I know where it is, is good enough for practical reasons.
Once you have everything in set drawers, every 3 to 6 months depending how much paper work you have, just go through them quickly and get rid of anything that has expired, no longer relevant or older than 2 years. This helps to keep it manageable and I actually find it rather therapeutic now to sort my paper work out - yes I know that is sad!
My partner adopted this method and he now has a small paper file system that is easy to manage.
Fantastic tips Starbuck, thank you for the post. I'd say I'm "mostly" on top of "stuff" and only keep things that
my 3 basic benchmarks for keeping things.
a) are practical and used regularly or
b) give me joy or
c) take up very little space (i.e. a collection of DVD's in a specially designed wallet - no covers or boxes)
Getting yourself straight the first time - zoning
When I was trying to get straight I found it useful to have 1 corner of a room, then 1 room, then 1.5 rooms worth of areas that were "done" and I kept on top of it once it was tidied the first time, kind of like a zero-tolerance zone for messing it up again once organised. I found that as long as I kept that area tidy I felt like I was making progress. And bit by bit I tackled the next 1m at a time of my house. As you say... take baby steps.
6 monthly "Spring clean"
I have two big clear outs a year, one in spring and one just before or just after Christmas. During those weekends I literally start at the front door and work my way through the house to the back door, then go upstairs and do the same thing. I touch everything I own and make a quick decision based on the 3 basic benchmarks above. Charity shop stuff / ebay it or just get it out of the house as quickly as possible whilst I'm on a roll. I also have used the box it for 6 months technique which works a treat. That way I feel like I can blitz it every so often but then keep on top of it as I go too.
Great advice, thank you so much starbuck. All of the replies have helped, and I have got back onto it this weekend. I will get there!!
Yeah that's exactly it, does the head in. Clutter externally transfers to mental clutter and makes it very hard to focus on anything, and very easy to get overwhelmed!