Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
he he yes and I also feel like if we can all do it, I have nowhere to hide! I just need to crack on with it :-)
I'm loving how this thread has turned into everyone decluttering. We will all feel better for it.
I really can't handle clutter. It does my head in. My last partner was terrible with it. Mess everywhere. I'm glad she's gone now.
So far this weekend I've filled up three black bin liners with stuff to be thrown away.
Watch out for the monsters that live under there.
I've started going thru my stuff and I aim to get rid of at least 10% this weekend.
Do I really needed card receipts going back six years?
So far I've got rid off, trousers , shoes, shirts, CDs.
Now I'm about to explore the storage space under my bed. Lots of rubbish there.
Excelent.post.
The knub of the crux is getting rid of.stuff faster than it accumulates. Space is always finite.
At leastnow I dont accumulate.many hard copies.of.photographs. That was a problem in the past.but I still.have thousands of negatives and slides.to scan.
Perhaps in thousands.of.years time.someone will find my stuff and get a strange.view.of what life was.like ar.the turn of the third millenium!
I think you're probably right that your husband isn't getting how his behaviour is impacting you. I've had issues like this, too, with people not believing my emotions until I break. I hope the two of you can sort this out. It's great that you're talking about it. Good luck for taking the discussion further.
Greetings. I myself have what others might call "clutter", but the thing is, I know what everything is, where it is, and what it is used for. When I am asked for something, I can find it even if it has not been used or asked for for a loooong while. (Books, DVDs, Electric Cables, for example.) Generally persons who do not recognise what is in the "clutter" regard it as Clutter and/or useless/trash etc. ...
My own "problem" with any of it is actually lack of space to correctly file and sort it; Also I am physically weak, and putting one thing atop another is indeed a bit of a bother...
The only real things I myself would like to throw out, are many things given to me by other people, especially those persons who say <> "Oh, you never know, you might need that someday!"... and this happens a LOT.
...Have a nice day, all (!). ;-)
That image alone has induced palpitations!
It took me a few years to realise the clutter was causing me so much anxiety and stress so acknowledging it is a start. Like you I used to enjoy collecting things and took great pride in my possessions , but it stressed the hell out of me and I cannot cope with visual clutter - it overwhelms me. It was only when I was made homeless and all the stuff had to go, that although heartbreaking at first, it also made me realise how much it had been weighing me down and adding to my stress and anxiety.
I keep a strict decluttering routine now to ensure I don't fall into that trap again.
When faced with so much stuff it is very overwhelming and although tackling it all in one go seems like the right proactive thing to do, you will just burn yourself out and kill your motivation. Baby steps and a few rules helps to keep things in check and start to tackle the clutter.
Clothes
For clothes, anything that doesn't fit, is damaged or you will never wear just get rid of it as this will take a chunk out of what you own. Let someone else make use of clothes otherwise going to waste and see if any damaged clothes can be recycled disposed of properly to help the environment.
If you are struggling with any particular items, put them in a box and seal it. Put a date on it from six months from the date you seal and if you never need to go i the box to retrieve anything, when the date on the box comes round, just take it to the charity shop - don't open it or agonise over it, just remove it. If you haven't needed it in 6 months, chances are you will not need it in years.
I used to stick to a capsule wardrobe as I find this approach easier when deciding what to wear - I get overwhelmed if there are too many options; however I have branched out slightly and added a couple of more items to my wardrobe as I felt I was getting in a bit of a rut. Despite this I still have a strict rule when buying clothes, if I am buying something, then something must go from my wardrobe to make room for it. This saves both time and money in the long run.
Books, DVDs, CDs
See if you can go digital by saving them on a hardrive or subscribing to streaming services. ebooks are also great for condensing your vast book collection into a small device, although I do still have a couple of cherished/rare books and my CD collection as this has a find place in my heart. Again I declutter regularly and I have just sold a box of books today to a company that buys back second hand books, CDs and DVDs. You can make a few quid if you have loads to get rid of!
Decorative items
Do you need every decorative item in your home? Does it have a purpose? This doesn't mean you have to get rid of every decorative item, but if you have five vases for example, could you get rid of four and keep your favourite?
Less is more when you can admire your most valued possessions in a clean and organised space.
Paper/filing
Go digital and paperless where possible! It will save hours of filing and sorting. Otherwise, try sorting your paper into general categories that make sense to you and then go through it to trash anything that is no use, years old or not critical to hold onto.
Creeping clutter
We all have clutter habits that we need to be aware of.
My downfall is I pile things up as I have to have everything perfectly organised and arranged - this means that things are left piled until I get round to it. See if you can spot your clutter pitfalls and address them. I now keep a sorting box where I put all items that need sorting - it keeps everywhere else tidy and when the box starts to fill up, it's a warning sign I need to get on top of it.
Rules and routines
Create some small simple rules to get you into the habit of tidying and decluttering little and often.
Spending just 15 minutes a night will start to nibble away at it and won't stress you out like trying to tackle it all in one go. Focus on an area/item and set a timer. If you want to spend more time on it then great, but don't burn yourself trying to make it magic away - I have fallen into this trap lots of times!
Get rid of rubbish
Just get a bin bag and go round your house just getting rid of rubbish - empty packaging, items that should be in the bin, but have been left on the counter tops etc.
Organising clutter
You will habits and areas where types of clutter will accumulate. See if you spot any patterns and then see what you can do to put a process in place for organising that particular area. For example I have a very small entrance into my house which is where all the shoes/bags get dumped, but this also blocks the door opening properly as well as surrounding cupboards, so I am now looking at a shoe holder and coat hooks to remove the items just being dumped.
It really is liberating when you get on top of clutter and has probably become one of my special interests.
well it was, but I managed to get rid of the newspapers. But how interesting they would be in 30, 40, or 50 years time!
If mine looked like that I would think it was looking quite tidy!
If I could tidy up enough to be able to open the drawers it might be a help .....!
The trouble is, if I binned his stuff, I would feel like I was being selfish. If it's only me who wants it gone, and I chuck it out, that's selfish isn't it?
Interestingly, we were having a conversation last night that went off in the direction of emotions and expression thereof. He quite surprised me in that what he thought I was expressing on a couple of occasions was in no way what I was actually feeling (he is NT, me Asperger's by the way). Now I am wondering if he (or anyone else) actually knows if I am upset, if I am not actually crying. I am not someone who experiences a great many emotions, I would say, and hate overwhelming emotions (mine or anyone else's) - they actually frighten me because I don't know what to do with them. Usually I just run away.
So now I am wondering whether he is actually being selfish and doesn't care, or whether he really has no clue how much this upsets me / makes me anxious. At least it gives me a new angle to approach this from. On the back of last night's conversation, I am just going to ask him straight whether he knows when I am upset. Could explain a great deal if it turns out he has no idea!
I have been misinterpreted in various ways for my entire life, so I guess my acting skills (around this looks like anger / upset etc) might not be as good as I think they are, and I suspect that for the average NT I don't give much away. My body language is very limited, and apparently I substitute a smile for many other expressions! They certainly don't seem to be able to gauge how I feel from the outward signs, either thinking it's WAY worse than it is and overreacting, or not noticing at all when I am troubled by something.
Food for thought, I think!
I don't know if this would be a suitable solution but this is what I'd do if my partner was disregarding my needs and offering no support. I'd go with the deadline for him to sort things out but make it clear that if he doesn't do it I'll simply bin the lot the day after the deadline. I'm afraid he's being very selfish and I don't see why you should have to cope with all this emotional as well as physical labour.
I did find the category thing really helpful, mainly because putting every item of clothing / crockery / DVDs or whatever else together in one place does give you a bit of a shock. I think if you try to tidy up one drawer at a time, you might never realise just how much stuff you have!!
both, probably. Too much stuff, and not great at organising myself. Mind you, nowhere near as bad as your friend's place. I think that might be crossing the line between clutter and a hoarding problem!
By clutter do you mean having too much or general disorganised life style.
Is it similar to this? One of my former friends, front living room.
i wish you luck
I put a lot of rubbish out in bins - an awful lot. And probably a lot more.
I think there should be a 'posh' word for the hoarding condition, those of us who genuinely have a problem, rather than those to whom there is a purpose for their hoarding such as a collector of things (for example collecting things with cats such as ornaments, pencils, cups). Those of us who just hoard anything and everything because it 'might be useful' are the ones with a real problem. I know I have a serious problem with it but it does not make any difference.
Just a quick count of the DVDs comes to over a thousand - it would take a year I think to watch them all if I did nothing else. Yet they are there 'just in case I feel like watching them' (a lot of these belong to my wife, so it is a household problem!)
I know a while ago someone posted to say she was worried about her son not keeping things tidy. My advice was to only have a minimum amount of things such as crockery, (just have two or three plates, two or three knives forks and spoons, to force th washing up to be done, do not purchase a large shop but only enough to last a few days, and do the shopping twice a week. And then tidy up by sorting into categories initially, (throwing obvious rubbish such as old envelopes, food packaging, etc away). Then once sorted into these categories have a good hard look and see what can be disposed of to good causes.
Oh, if only I could follow my own advice!