Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
I did ask last night whether he would consider getting rid of the DVDs if they were all on a hard drive (or getting rid of the boxes and putting the discs in one of those big folders) and he said yeah, but he didn't sound happy about it. Pretty sulky actually. So I don't know whether that idea will get off the ground.
On the plus side, it's supposed to be rainy on saturday, so he says he will sort through the CDs! Yay!!
You might be surprised about the 70s shirts - some people love anything vintage, even if it's really naff!
I can at least see space in my wardrobe now, and more importantly can see what is in it. There were many mornings spent frantically rifling through it, trying to find some stuff that vaguely matched, whilst panicking about having 3 mins to finish or I would miss my train ... My organisational skills are not the best, and I am pretty bad at putting outfits together. I have been told I look like I dressed in the dark more than once (amusingly sometimes because I did, and didn't know nothing matched until later ....)
All this makes me think about something robert123 posted a while back, about his mum having 20 pairs of immaculate unworn shoes in their boxes, yet wearing a pair every day that had been repaired 20 times. That is me! I have things that I think I keep "for best" but fear that really means I have stockpiled them and won't ever use them. Then I think I should get rid of some, but remind myself of the money they cost, and the fact that if I keep them, when my go-to pair finally gives up, I won't be forced to buy new ones.
Sometimes I think it would be a lot simpler if I had 3 outfits, 1 pair of shoes and one bag. re the not chucking anything that might be useful, I gave stuff to the charity shop, especially clothes that don't fit any more. I hope that someone who is struggling a bit for money (been there, know how that is) might be able to have something nice, and of course the charity will benefit. It helps that I feel I am not "wasting" stuff that way.
I reckon many of us have a love/hate relationship with our stuff. The lovely feel of security, having a spare one when your favourite item is worn out, not having to change/find a new favourite ..... on the other hand, the mountains of stuff, that overwhelmed feeling when you wonder whether you will ever get it under control, not wanting to get rid of serviceable items ....
I don't feel like I've made much of an impression on mine either, 'Spotter, but I bet in 2 weeks you cleared out more than you realise. It's just if there was a lot to start with, it might not be that obvious. Maybe we need a support group for people drowning in clutter :-)
So much like my flat!
There is so much stuff I am too embarrassed to have anyone round. I just had nearly a fortnight off work trying to get the place tidy, and most places I have not made an impression. but at least now you can see the floor in the kitchen, and the bath is no longer full of clothes.
Problem is it upsets me no end to throw stuff out. There is so much stuff that might be 'useful'. It's not that I object to giving stuff to others if they will find it useful, it is that I just cannot find it in me to throw things out that may have some use.
And my wife, unfortunately, is the same. She is a dressmaker of period costumes, and has far too much for the flat. It just cannot cope. That coupled with her making dresses for friends means that there is loads of bits of material about.
And then there are the clothes. I am beginning to get rid of those down the clothes bank. I don't know how many make use of seventies clothes with Harry Hill collars, but I have them! And Nylon underwear (at one time it was suggested that the human race was doomed due to Nylon underpants warming men''s bits and making them sterile). Well it didn't work on me!
Shoes in various states of repair I think I can dispose of, I have only one of several pairs of shoes - I remember once going down the shop at the bottom of my road with odd shoes on - and totally odd shoes not remotely resembling a pair - and I didn't even realise till I was in the shop!
glad i could help a latop might not have adequate storage space i have a desktop pc hooked up to my telly so i can surf the net and watch films on my 55" screen
I am too nice That was my first thought when I found the bag in the cupboard .... then I thought that would be an awful thing to do, and about how much I would hate it if anyone threw away any of my things without asking me first!
I know what you mean .... for many years, eBay has not been my friend in this regard. However, I am now selling the stuff that I am decluttering, so at least I am getting a little bit of money back!
now that's a good idea Giddy. In fact he hasn't bought more physical DVDs for a while as he just gets them via his Prime subscription, so I guess he has no objection to not having the disk in the box. He does quite want a new PC (well,laptop) so this might be an added incentive! I shall broach the subject and see if I get anywhere.
It won't work with the CDs - he likes the artwork on the covers - but the DVDs I reckon you're on to something.Thank you!
moggsy do you have a pc ? i have one with a 5 terrabite hard drive and i copied all my dvds onto my pc using a free program called handbrake as well as downloading new films as well i now have nearly 3000 movies on my pc which take up no physical space and at the click of my mouse i can watch any film i want without the hassle of going to a case digging out a dvd opening the cassette putting it in the dvd player and so on plus i sold all my dvds and made some cash.... just a thought
Oh. The bailiffs are here. Take it all away!!!! Yes please!!!
I want to dig a huge hole in the garden and stick all my stuff down it. Now where did I leave the garden? Oh yes. I haven’t got one. Must buy one from Amazon or EBay. Whilst I’m online I will look around... ooh that’s something I haven’t got! Click. Which colour? I’ll have one of each. Click. Click. Click. Now I need a bag to put them in. Click. I know.. a storage box would be tidy! Click. I need a few of those. Click clickity click. Shelving. Click. Upsized flat.... with a garden this time so I can dig that hole!!!! Arg!!!! Stop the merry go round! I want to get off!!!
Just quietly dispose of his excess stuff - he'll never get everything out to check what is missing - out of sight, out of mind, out of house.
not at all - I think you made some very valid points there. When I spread out all of the clothes/shoes/accessories that I owned on the kitchen floor, I was horrified. Horrified and quite ashamed. How did I ever think I needed all of this stuff? How much money have I wasted on things that I kind of thought I liked at the time? I probably got rid of 2/3 of it, and to be honest, I suspect that wasn't enough.
My beloved was actually persuaded to do his wardrobe, after a prolonged and fruitless search for a particular t-shirt. I managed to convince him that it was precisely because he was keeping 50 t-shirts that have never fitted him, don't fit him now and never will fit him (unless he sees himself being morbidly obese in his future) that he couldn't find the one he wanted. 4-5 bin bags left that wardrobe, and I was really proud of him for that, because I know he finds getting rid of things really hard.
Fast forward to the DVD. I calmly suggested that he might see which ones he might ever watch again. If the answer was no to that, even though he enjoyed the film the first time around, it's OK to pass it on (to a charity shop perhaps), so someone else can enjoy it. It served its purpose when it entertained you for an hour and a half way back when :-) However, only about 2 of the 200 were judged to have served their purpose - despite the fact that he hasn't rewatched any but about 20 in the 4 years we've been in our house!
So I did set a challenge, to sort through the DVDs and CDs by the end of the next week. Exactly as you suggested. I made a point of not putting them away, so they wouldn't be out of sight out of mind. In fact I left them sprawled across the living room floor (even though it drives me nuts to see them). That was a month ago and they are still there. And I even pleaded with him, then told him that he can see I can't cope with all of the housework, so I need him to either a) help me remove the clutter so the cleaning is do-able or b) start doing 50% of the cleaning. I even spent 30 mins cleaning up after a 13hr work/travel day last week. He sat in the kitchen looking at Facebook on his phone while I did it. I just don't think it's ever going to sink in.
I could just stop cleaning, but I think the end result would be that he wouldn't notice, and I would go mad. And we might catch something.
Maybe I just need to put his stuff away, and accept that if I want clutter free, it means that I cannot own anything apart from my clothes, because once his stuff is away, there will be no room for anything else. I am going to be firm though about not letting another thing into the house unless something gets chucked to make space for it!
I like your idea of spending the money on experiences instead. You are so right about the burden of stuff. Just looking after all of the possessions takes up so much time!
Thank you for your advice and thought-provoking comments :-)
Instesd of advice i just whittered on. Sorry. Tell your OH to get off his backside and sort out his stuff. Use humour so its not nagging. Set him a challenge. "Cpuld you have a ort out tjrough your shoes by the end if nect week?"Explain why you need him to do it
Clutter clutter clutter. Stuff. Possessions. We dont need 99% of it. It has caused me great anxiety of late. I think this stems from when i moved housr last year and had to come face to face with all my worldly posessions.
Cue anxiety and thoughts....what did humans need 1000 years ago? 50 years ago? Certainly not all the stuff we have today.We go to work just so we can buy stuff that we dont need or throw away. Capitalism. Consumerism. Plastic packaging. Landfill. The more stuff we have the more stuff we need to keep it going (eg i wear make up. So I need a make up bag, cotton wool, make up remover, brushes).
Im trying to spend my wages on tjings i enjoy. Experiences give you more memories. Happy feelings from shiny new stuff soon wears off. When im older im not gonna remwmber the stuff i bought but remember the stuff i did.
Theres some intetesting tedx talks on it.
Even now after sifting through i still feel i have too much stuff. 16 glasses? Theres only 2 of us in the house.
I find the biggest problem is actually trying to dispose of the stuff - most doesn't apply to any of the house 'recycling' bins so I end up hoarding until I reach a skip-load (I'm doing stuff around the house when health allows) and then it all goes in one big clearout. Trips to the dump take far too long and are also a pain trying to sort it into one of their 40 different bins. So much anxiety around it that I'd rather wait and do it all with the skip - everything in, no mucking about.
i must admit im a bad hoarder of things ebay is my best friend and worst enemy lol have you thought about getting in touch with a local charity shop or church that does jumble sales if you explain your situation they might help you sort through your stuff to take away and sell it's a mutually beneficial thing you get help tidying and they get free stuff to sell
PS I should have added that I am trying to get OH to clean up his stuff, not mine! He's even worse than me ..... piles of old brochures that he hasn't looked at in years, 200 DVDs that are allegedly all so great he'd watch them again, toys from his childhood reclaimed from his parents' loft. He's a packrat!