Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
This is such a fascinating thread! I am the main clutterer in our house. I've decided that accumulating vast quantities of car parts does not count (that's my husband's thing) because old cars need to be repaired quite often. He keeps everything in an outhouse, beautifully well-organised, so it does not intrude like all my stuff does.
I am working on reducing my various collections. I did it once before when I first moved in with my husband. I sold and gave a lot away then which was incredibly hard at the time. Mother-in-law is a great collector and she kept inciting me to hang on to things by saying "oh but it's lovely, don't you think you'll miss it?"
What seems to work for me is watching a hoarding programme on TV or reading a book about clearing clutter then going for it as quickly as possible. I try to get things straight down to the charity shop, then avoid going in for several weeks in case I buy something back!
My husband gets a bit anxious if our stock of toilet rolls falls below 10. In the run up to Brexit it has occurred to him that we ought to start buying a few extra, just in case there is a national shortage. I will remind him that in the old days we got by without them, but I expect our loft to be full to the rafters with Andrex soon!
As a general rule the more stressed I get the more untidy things get, and the more untidy things get the more stressed I get (it's a really vicious circle). I'm hoping it will work in the other direction too. As I am currently immobilised with an ankle injury I have started making lists of what needs sorting. That feels quite good in itself!
Speaking of those hoarding programmes....ive often thought the hoarders are made out to be the one with the problem. The obsessive cleaners are portrayed as "saviours" when really they have a problrm as much as the hoarders. I think they often show the benefits of how they have helped the hoarders but very little attention is paid to how the obsesdive cleaners have benefitted. So i think theyre usually quite one sided these programmes.
But if they spur you on then theres no harm in that!
I don't like judgemental programmes - you're absolutely right, the obsessive cleaning can be just as dysfunctional as the hoarding, or collecting depending on which way you see it. The programme I found most helpful was where a psychologist got involved in helping people who had developed a problem with too much stuff. The theory being that at the root of the problem there was often a deep-rooted sense of grief or loss. This made sense to me - accumulating lots of stuff became a self-protective mechanism when I was going through turmoil and uncertainty in my life. A compassionate approach is hugely important, and working at a pace that the person feels comfortable with. I have had meltdowns when I have been put under pressure to let go of stuff too quickly by other people. There's a fine line between collecting and hoarding. Lots of wonderful ephemera would have been lost forever were it not for people like me!