Coping at university - AS son aged 23

Les Worrall said:

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I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body No I am not Autistic

is this to be taken as an NT attempt at humour?

I was being humerous. I am a man and I am not on the autistic spectrum.

lol sorry, my little attempt at humour. I shouldn't really be amusing myself here but occasionally one slips out.

ooooh you are NT

no need for name calling

outraged said:

[quote][/quote]

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[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body No I am not Autistic

is this to be taken as an NT attempt at humour?

I was being humerous. I am a man and I am not on the autistic spectrum.

lol sorry, my little attempt at humour. I shouldn't really be amusing myself here but occasionally one slips out.

ooooh you are NT :-)

outraged said:

[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body No I am not Autistic

is this to be taken as an NT attempt at humour?

I was being humerous. I am a man and I am not on the autistic spectrum.

lol sorry, my little attempt at humour. I shouldn't really be amusing myself here but occasionally one slips out.

ooooh you are NT :-)

Les Worrall said:

[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body No I am not Autistic

is this to be taken as an NT attempt at humour?

I was being humerous. I am a man and I am not on the autistic spectrum.

lol sorry, my little attempt at humour. I shouldn't really be amusing myself here but occasionally one slips out.

outraged said:

[quote][/quote]

[quote][/quote]

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body No I am not Autistic

is this to be taken as an NT attempt at humour?

I was being humerous. I am a man and I am not on the autistic spectrum.

Les Worrall said:

[quote][/quote]

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body No I am not Autistic

is this to be taken as an NT attempt at humour?

NAS18906 said:

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

I got 15 which is average for women. Am I a woman in a man's body :-) No I am not Autistic :-)

I've taken your surname out of my previous post to to try and anonymise it as much as possible. You can edit posts later if you need to.

Have you considered if you have Asperger's too? It is often inherited and it could explain why you have difficulties in talking to her about it? Just a thought though, please don't take offence. There is a free test at aspergerstest.net/.../

Anonymous said:

I can't pass any information on to her, as she gets angry, if she knows I have been talking about her.

Her flatmates do know that she is Autistic.

In which case I hope that you have not used your real name for your posts? I've raised the issue with the moderators as it is in any case against forum guidelines to use real names.

NAS18906 said:

In which case I hope that you have not used your real name for your posts? I've raised the issue with the moderators as it is in any case against forum guidelines to use real names.

Ooops, thanks for telling me that. Didn't realise. I have sent an email to the Webmanger, to see if it can be changed.

NAS18241 said:

Les Worrall, I sympathise with your daughter (and you). Maybe if you told her about me then perhaps she might take it from someone who has been through it that there some things that you can't deal with by yourself, even if you are top of the class academically. Incidentally, do her flatmates actually know she's autistic, or do they simply see her as antisocial? I'm sure my flatmates saw me as antisocial, although no-one ever said as much to my face.

Thank you for your commenets.

I can't pass any information on to her, as she gets angry, if she knows I have been talking about her.

Her flatmates do know that she is Autistic.

Coogybear said:

My son had similar difficulties at Uni.

Because I was aware that his time management was poor before he entered Uni, I convinced him to go catered accommodation. Oddly, this was less expensive than non'catered in the dorms that he chose to live, so it helped ease the transition somewhat. Is your son able to go catered?

My son didn't really settle into his course until around the first term of his second year, He's at a less lofty Uni, but their pastoral care is excellent. The Uni course your son is on does sound quite intensive, however, if his passion is their he maybe able to achieve if he has the right support.

Does he have any diagnosed needs?

My son was unaware of the more practical provisions that could change his ability to cope. Some very simple aids have transformed his experience. I'd be happy to reccommend a few if they would be applicable.

Processing speed is one element he struggles with and this can mean that producing lengthy texts in the required time is a real challenge. Sorting info is another issue.

Depression was a huge hurdle. He was ringing me in floods of tears at 2am at one point. He has a support worker now with regular reviews to keep him on task and assist before things get too critical.

Missing deadlines or appointments for individuals who struggle with time management is not uncommon. however, oversleeping due to depression could be another factor. It's difficult for me to make any suggestions without some further info, but I appreciate you may not wish to share this.

The upshot for my son is that he is now coping much better. The course isn't ultimately what he wants to do, but will facilitate access to other areas, so not all is lost. As it is, he has also remained in catered accommodation throughout, so that this element of his difficulty is covered and he doesn't have to think about taking time away from study, to cook and wash up.

The problem with pulling out of a Uni course/placement is that it could bring about a feeling of failure in his own mind. Be mindful of this. I'm not recommending that he perserveres if the going is too tough either, because this could also have catostrophic consequences for his mental health. The key I think is great tailored support.

What does he say he wants?

Coogy x

Very similar to our daughter. This ringing at midnight crying was heartbreaking.

Longman

May I compliment you on your comments. Exactly the issues my daughter is going through at University. She is high functioning with learning difficulties, with Dyspraxia and in her first year studying English and History. Academically she is doing very well, with a mentor helping her to keep on track with her studies.

However, for the rest it is a disaster.

She is with 5 other students in what I would call a group block of flats with Kitchen and TV area.

She is unable to communicate socailly with them, even they they are very inclusive, when it comes to going out socially. They lack the knowledge to understand how she deals with issues, which leads to meltdowns, which we have to sort at midnight as she phones us in tears and inconsolable.

I have been discussing with the University about support from the student support group.

They have said to my daughter that if she has any issues or problems to come to them and talk it over. As my daughter says "I would rather stick pins in my eyes, than go to them". Basically, she is unable to go and see people for help.

I keep on telling them, that she is Autistic and there is no way she will go to them. All they say, is that if she doesn't go to them, ther is nothing they can do.

This in my opinion, sets my daughter at a great disadvantage to other people with disabilties.

Student Finance DSA do not cover this issue.

It is like everybody likes to be seen as being supportive of people with disabilties, until it falls outside their academic "I must follow rules" situation.

Incidentally, my daughter feels like she is walking on egg shells with her flat mates. She thought that she was going to join them at a rented house next year until they suddenly dropped the bombshell, that they didn't want her in the house.

Can anybody give me guidlines on things I may be able to do to stop these sort of things happening?

Many thanks

Dyspraxia is an issue and my daughter has that.

I wasn't talking about the situation at Oxford and Cambridge, but that you seem to think dyslexia is a handicap in a learning situation but not dyspraxia. 

But is handwriting quite the same as an SpLD in the Cambridge Disability website context? And why not link it to autism? Neither autism nor dyspraxia are learning disabilities per se, though they may occur with a learning disability.

The point I'm trying to make is that Oxford and Cambridge Universities fail to take disability seriously enough, probably because they are so selective and eletist they can avoid taking on the disabled. Bit like top public schools.

The origin of this thread was lack of disability support for autism at Oxford or Cambridge universities,and my posting, the last of the original thread, was 4 days after the thread started on 21st January. Your postings (March) are disputing whether Cambridge had any understanding of autism support, and you've found a link, but the evidence seems to be they are not good at actually supporting it.

Hi Longman.  I don't think including dyspraxia is a mistake.  Even taken at it's narrowest definition handwriting is a problem: I have very poor handwriting.  I have to write slowly for it to be readable (sometimes I can't read my own...) which is a problem when taking notes or if I had to hand-write in an exam. No support back when I was at school, but these days I believe dyspraxics can get support such as using a laptop, tape recording, having a scribe or extra time.

Dyspraxia is also usually considered to include associated problems (many of which overlap with autism...) including organisation (of self, speech, written work...), social problems, sensory problems etc.  Here's a link to a list:

http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia-adults/

I couldn't find anything back in January but a gree it is there on the link you give. However it is only a mention. There's no subsequent insight, and on specific learning disability it includes dyslexia and dyspraxia - when was that an SpLD?

Granted quite a few sites include it along with dyscalculia and yslexia as an SpLD even though defining it as a gross and fine motor coordination disability with usually average intelligence.

Cambridge University sets very high standards and takes the best - so unlikely to get many disabled. So easy to understand why their site confuses dyspraxia and dyslexia

Oxford and Cambridge try to attract the top undergraduates. It is about exclusivity.

Neither seems to have anything obvious on their websites about disability support, it may be nested in there somewhere, but it looks hard to search for.

Both have "accessibility" on their home page. For Cambridge this is just about how to get the best out of the website design. For Oxford this is all about getting the best students. I suspect they don't want disabled students spoiling their "excellence" image.

This is reminiscent of the public school situation - until recently it was being reported the Cabinet was mostly made up of Eton boys. Eton boasts that, while they have provision, they have very few pupils needing to make use of it. Disabled Access on their website is about visitors.

Privilege is still a bastion of this country's governance and senior postings, shored up by ridiculously high salaries, compensation pay-outs if dismissed for wrong doing, and huge bonuses.

But when it comes to the disabled getting benefits or financial support for living they are the ones shouting for draconian measures to deny access to benefits. Probably they have no real direct contact with disabled people.

I suspect Oxford and Cambridge Universities don't want disabled students, and won't go out of their way to help.

My son had similar difficulties at Uni.

Because I was aware that his time management was poor before he entered Uni, I convinced him to go catered accommodation. Oddly, this was less expensive than non'catered in the dorms that he chose to live, so it helped ease the transition somewhat. Is your son able to go catered?

My son didn't really settle into his course until around the first term of his second year, He's at a less lofty Uni, but their pastoral care is excellent. The Uni course your son is on does sound quite intensive, however, if his passion is their he maybe able to achieve if he has the right support.

Does he have any diagnosed needs?

My son was unaware of the more practical provisions that could change his ability to cope. Some very simple aids have transformed his experience. I'd be happy to reccommend a few if they would be applicable.

Processing speed is one element he struggles with and this can mean that producing lengthy texts in the required time is a real challenge. Sorting info is another issue.

Depression was a huge hurdle. He was ringing me in floods of tears at 2am at one point. He has a support worker now with regular reviews to keep him on task and assist before things get too critical.

Missing deadlines or appointments for individuals who struggle with time management is not uncommon. however, oversleeping due to depression could be another factor. It's difficult for me to make any suggestions without some further info, but I appreciate you may not wish to share this.

The upshot for my son is that he is now coping much better. The course isn't ultimately what he wants to do, but will facilitate access to other areas, so not all is lost. As it is, he has also remained in catered accommodation throughout, so that this element of his difficulty is covered and he doesn't have to think about taking time away from study, to cook and wash up.

The problem with pulling out of a Uni course/placement is that it could bring about a feeling of failure in his own mind. Be mindful of this. I'm not recommending that he perserveres if the going is too tough either, because this could also have catostrophic consequences for his mental health. The key I think is great tailored support.

What does he say he wants?

Coogy x