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Coping at university - AS son aged 23

Eve

I am interested to hear from others about supporting sons/daughters through university.

My son finds the stress of his current (highly academic course/university) too demanding but does not want to change to a less prestigeous university/less demanding course.  He finds it very difficult to focus on the reality of his experiences, and think about changing plans in order to be more likely to succeed.  He has had mentoring help at university but when the chips are down he does not turn up for the mentoring or study support, nor answer the phone or reply to txts from us, his parents. 

He has successfully completed five terms' work over a period of 15 terms, with long periods out due to depression or for breaks as he was behind with the work and not able to cope at the expected level, even with various allowances made.

It is difficult to put the right package of support in place (ie a foolproof one!).

We would like him to transfer to a university that he could attend while living at home, so that we could help him keep in the rails: get up & go to bed at a reasonable time, get to lectures/seminars (or at least not miss them as he had over slepty/not left his room, write the essays, eat, wash, socialise, keep an eye on his mental health/taking medication etc. 

Does anyone else have thoughts, tips or relevant experience?

Parents

  • My son had similar difficulties at Uni.

    Because I was aware that his time management was poor before he entered Uni, I convinced him to go catered accommodation. Oddly, this was less expensive than non'catered in the dorms that he chose to live, so it helped ease the transition somewhat. Is your son able to go catered?

    My son didn't really settle into his course until around the first term of his second year, He's at a less lofty Uni, but their pastoral care is excellent. The Uni course your son is on does sound quite intensive, however, if his passion is their he maybe able to achieve if he has the right support.

    Does he have any diagnosed needs?

    My son was unaware of the more practical provisions that could change his ability to cope. Some very simple aids have transformed his experience. I'd be happy to reccommend a few if they would be applicable.

    Processing speed is one element he struggles with and this can mean that producing lengthy texts in the required time is a real challenge. Sorting info is another issue.

    Depression was a huge hurdle. He was ringing me in floods of tears at 2am at one point. He has a support worker now with regular reviews to keep him on task and assist before things get too critical.

    Missing deadlines or appointments for individuals who struggle with time management is not uncommon. however, oversleeping due to depression could be another factor. It's difficult for me to make any suggestions without some further info, but I appreciate you may not wish to share this.

    The upshot for my son is that he is now coping much better. The course isn't ultimately what he wants to do, but will facilitate access to other areas, so not all is lost. As it is, he has also remained in catered accommodation throughout, so that this element of his difficulty is covered and he doesn't have to think about taking time away from study, to cook and wash up.

    The problem with pulling out of a Uni course/placement is that it could bring about a feeling of failure in his own mind. Be mindful of this. I'm not recommending that he perserveres if the going is too tough either, because this could also have catostrophic consequences for his mental health. The key I think is great tailored support.

    What does he say he wants?

    Coogy x

Reply

  • My son had similar difficulties at Uni.

    Because I was aware that his time management was poor before he entered Uni, I convinced him to go catered accommodation. Oddly, this was less expensive than non'catered in the dorms that he chose to live, so it helped ease the transition somewhat. Is your son able to go catered?

    My son didn't really settle into his course until around the first term of his second year, He's at a less lofty Uni, but their pastoral care is excellent. The Uni course your son is on does sound quite intensive, however, if his passion is their he maybe able to achieve if he has the right support.

    Does he have any diagnosed needs?

    My son was unaware of the more practical provisions that could change his ability to cope. Some very simple aids have transformed his experience. I'd be happy to reccommend a few if they would be applicable.

    Processing speed is one element he struggles with and this can mean that producing lengthy texts in the required time is a real challenge. Sorting info is another issue.

    Depression was a huge hurdle. He was ringing me in floods of tears at 2am at one point. He has a support worker now with regular reviews to keep him on task and assist before things get too critical.

    Missing deadlines or appointments for individuals who struggle with time management is not uncommon. however, oversleeping due to depression could be another factor. It's difficult for me to make any suggestions without some further info, but I appreciate you may not wish to share this.

    The upshot for my son is that he is now coping much better. The course isn't ultimately what he wants to do, but will facilitate access to other areas, so not all is lost. As it is, he has also remained in catered accommodation throughout, so that this element of his difficulty is covered and he doesn't have to think about taking time away from study, to cook and wash up.

    The problem with pulling out of a Uni course/placement is that it could bring about a feeling of failure in his own mind. Be mindful of this. I'm not recommending that he perserveres if the going is too tough either, because this could also have catostrophic consequences for his mental health. The key I think is great tailored support.

    What does he say he wants?

    Coogy x

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