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Coping at university - AS son aged 23

Eve

I am interested to hear from others about supporting sons/daughters through university.

My son finds the stress of his current (highly academic course/university) too demanding but does not want to change to a less prestigeous university/less demanding course.  He finds it very difficult to focus on the reality of his experiences, and think about changing plans in order to be more likely to succeed.  He has had mentoring help at university but when the chips are down he does not turn up for the mentoring or study support, nor answer the phone or reply to txts from us, his parents. 

He has successfully completed five terms' work over a period of 15 terms, with long periods out due to depression or for breaks as he was behind with the work and not able to cope at the expected level, even with various allowances made.

It is difficult to put the right package of support in place (ie a foolproof one!).

We would like him to transfer to a university that he could attend while living at home, so that we could help him keep in the rails: get up & go to bed at a reasonable time, get to lectures/seminars (or at least not miss them as he had over slepty/not left his room, write the essays, eat, wash, socialise, keep an eye on his mental health/taking medication etc. 

Does anyone else have thoughts, tips or relevant experience?

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  • Longman

    May I compliment you on your comments. Exactly the issues my daughter is going through at University. She is high functioning with learning difficulties, with Dyspraxia and in her first year studying English and History. Academically she is doing very well, with a mentor helping her to keep on track with her studies.

    However, for the rest it is a disaster.

    She is with 5 other students in what I would call a group block of flats with Kitchen and TV area.

    She is unable to communicate socailly with them, even they they are very inclusive, when it comes to going out socially. They lack the knowledge to understand how she deals with issues, which leads to meltdowns, which we have to sort at midnight as she phones us in tears and inconsolable.

    I have been discussing with the University about support from the student support group.

    They have said to my daughter that if she has any issues or problems to come to them and talk it over. As my daughter says "I would rather stick pins in my eyes, than go to them". Basically, she is unable to go and see people for help.

    I keep on telling them, that she is Autistic and there is no way she will go to them. All they say, is that if she doesn't go to them, ther is nothing they can do.

    This in my opinion, sets my daughter at a great disadvantage to other people with disabilties.

    Student Finance DSA do not cover this issue.

    It is like everybody likes to be seen as being supportive of people with disabilties, until it falls outside their academic "I must follow rules" situation.

    Incidentally, my daughter feels like she is walking on egg shells with her flat mates. She thought that she was going to join them at a rented house next year until they suddenly dropped the bombshell, that they didn't want her in the house.

    Can anybody give me guidlines on things I may be able to do to stop these sort of things happening?

    Many thanks

Reply

  • Longman

    May I compliment you on your comments. Exactly the issues my daughter is going through at University. She is high functioning with learning difficulties, with Dyspraxia and in her first year studying English and History. Academically she is doing very well, with a mentor helping her to keep on track with her studies.

    However, for the rest it is a disaster.

    She is with 5 other students in what I would call a group block of flats with Kitchen and TV area.

    She is unable to communicate socailly with them, even they they are very inclusive, when it comes to going out socially. They lack the knowledge to understand how she deals with issues, which leads to meltdowns, which we have to sort at midnight as she phones us in tears and inconsolable.

    I have been discussing with the University about support from the student support group.

    They have said to my daughter that if she has any issues or problems to come to them and talk it over. As my daughter says "I would rather stick pins in my eyes, than go to them". Basically, she is unable to go and see people for help.

    I keep on telling them, that she is Autistic and there is no way she will go to them. All they say, is that if she doesn't go to them, ther is nothing they can do.

    This in my opinion, sets my daughter at a great disadvantage to other people with disabilties.

    Student Finance DSA do not cover this issue.

    It is like everybody likes to be seen as being supportive of people with disabilties, until it falls outside their academic "I must follow rules" situation.

    Incidentally, my daughter feels like she is walking on egg shells with her flat mates. She thought that she was going to join them at a rented house next year until they suddenly dropped the bombshell, that they didn't want her in the house.

    Can anybody give me guidlines on things I may be able to do to stop these sort of things happening?

    Many thanks

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