A place for spouses of someone autistic to talk
I am, and this is my first time ever posting anything ive always just read posts on here
Thank you for posting. You are married to someone autistic?
Yes i am we have just had our 3rd wedding anniversary
Awe :) congratulations! I’ve only been married just under 4 months
Wow congratulations x have you been together long, was your partner diagnosed before you got together or during?
We have know each other for two years. I always knew he had for lack of a better word “special needs” and he would have melt downs but he wasn’t diagnosed until the month before our wedding. It gave us both some clarity and and a sense of direction.
Hi, I'm engaged to someone on the spectrum. Not diagnosed, but shows MANY signs. we've been together for 6 years wedding planned for April. While things can be amazing there are some serious challenges and I can't deny I'M STRUGGLING! My fiancé is smart, kind and loving man, I'm lucky in so many ways but he has a terrible time with empathy he truly has no idea what to do sometimes. your husbands may not exhibit this behavior but if so how do you cope?
I am the SO of an ASD man. We're both in our 30s, and have been living together for almost 2 yrs.
I am at my wit's end, and don't know what to do tbh.
Every day is the same, and it seems as though change will never happen. I feel like our relationship is over, but he insists it's not.
We don't have any intimacy, and when we try, it fails.
I feel like I am just a convenience for him. Doing all the house chores and still working a full-time job.
Am I over thinking everything? Will he ever just do what needs to be done? Will I always have to be the "adult" in this relationship?
I'm on the other side of the coin and am a ND women married to a NT man. As a NT he causes me significant amounts of frustration due to his neurological need for social acceptance and belonging. As someone whose neurotype finds social interactions draining and favours honest and open conversations, as well as a routine, I find this part of his neurology incredibly frustrating at times.
I'm conscious that it would be wrong of me to ask my husband to act in a way that went against his neurological make-up, plus when people have done this to others in the past it's seriously affected their self-esteem and MH. This is clear from the post of many autistic individuals who's family and partners have tried to change them leading to have an identity crisis, feelings of worthlessness and how it stopped them from having any self-confidence in their own thoughts and beliefs. I'd hate to make my husband feel like this, as such, to cope with his NT traits that clash with my ND needs I focus on what would happen if I tried to stop my husband behaving in this way. For example, I believe he would feel isolated and lonely, leading him to become depressed. Not only would this cause him pain, but it would also negatively impact our relationship as its likely he'd become negative in his outlook and may want withdraw from society.
It may help you to do the same and think about how you'd feel if your partner tried to change the parts of your personality that were fundamental to your neurological make-up? It certainly helps me to feel less frustrated and disappointed. Another thing that helps is to think about fairness and remind yourself of all of the sacrifices your OH makes for you. For example, I have to attend the occasional large social gathering for my husband. This causes me significant anxiety and leaves me feeling exhausted for days. On the other hand, I have sensitivities to taste and texture, which significantly affects the variety of food I can eat. As such, he makes sacrifices in regards to where we eat on holidays or evenings out.
Hi. I'm sorry you having such a difficult time at the moment. I have been married to my DH for over 7 years. I didn't realise he was autistic until January this year and I too am finding life very difficult. He is 62 now and will not accept that he is autistic although to me -now, it is glaringly obvious. My husband is kind and generous and doesn't have a problem with intimacy at all. He does have many other foibles though and I feel terribly depressed now that I realise he won't ever change. I don't think your partner will ever change and I feel that you will always be the adult in the relationship. I often feel I am the parent in this relationship and it certainly isn't a level playing field emotionally. My advice would be to leave the relationship now - only my opinion though based on my own experience though.