A place for spouses of someone autistic to talk
Hi, I'm engaged to someone on the spectrum. Not diagnosed, but shows MANY signs. we've been together for 6 years wedding planned for April. While things can be amazing there are some serious challenges and I can't deny I'M STRUGGLING! My fiancé is smart, kind and loving man, I'm lucky in so many ways but he has a terrible time with empathy he truly has no idea what to do sometimes. your husbands may not exhibit this behavior but if so how do you cope?
I 100% get where you are coming from. I am in the same shoes as you. We just got married this past April. Congratulations! It’s been challenging but being married has been 10 times better then the challenge. I still struggle with this but the biggest thing I realized is he never responds with what I want to hear. I’m always looking for comfort and reassurance and he doesn’t give it to me when I’m looking for it. The best thing is to either have no expectations and realize he does care and want to help you but doesn’t know how to show you and the other is to allow yourself to get full when he does show his love and appreciation. It just may be in his own ways. I am also realizing he can’t read my mind lol and he need me to very clearly tell him what I need. It sucks because as woman we want our man to just know our needs but it doesn’t work like that lol I’d love to talk more. It’s hard to find support for wives.
YAS OMGOSH exactly!!!!!
I'm honestly a really vocal person. probably a little too much sometimes, so before I figured this out. I'd say "It's been so long why don't you know this about me already?!" assuming he'd store it in his head somewhere, yea that never happened. But you 100% right I should either lower my expectations and enjoy the moments he gets it right! When's your 1 year anniversary?
I was just talking about how we first got together and I was really cheesy and wrote "Will you be my boyfriend?" on the inside of a pizza box. Brought it to his house and dropped like 5 hints for him to open it because I was hungry. Yeah no he was to busy looking for a movie so I had to tell him straight up to open the pizza box and serve us dinner. lol I had no idea at the time he was ASD but now looking back I get it. April 20th 2020 will be our one year!
Oh wow, that's so cute! I really wanted to do that something I'm sure I would have the exact same result except he wouldn't have noticed the writing on the inside of the box. lolthats crazy! we're getting married April 18th! and had our engagement party 4/20! this year! I didn't really know until this year. His sister is a special education teacher and has been saying sometime sly things sometimes messed up things for a while before just bluntly telling me before their family reunion. which I didn't appreciate but was actually really helpful.
I always love talking to newlyweds. How was wedding planning for y'all? we are struggling a bit and finding ourself getting into small arguments about decisions, (I'm a little more of a free spirit then him) plus he's colorblind which makes things extra fun lol.
Awe! Congratulations! That’s a good month to get married! I used to dream of planning my wedding but when it actually happened I was so stressed! I honestly didn’t care about a lot of details that had to be planned and my husband did not help at all. He picked what he was going to wear and that’s it. It meant we didn’t argue much except for when I’d get overwhelmed and complain he wasn’t helping and then he’d go into a melt down and I had to comfort him. I’m not complaining it was just difficult and hard on me.