Married Life

I am the SO of an ASD man. We're both in our 30s, and have been living together for almost 2 yrs.

I am at my wit's end, and don't know what to do tbh.

Every day is the same, and it seems as though change will never happen. I feel like our relationship is over, but he insists it's not.

We don't have any intimacy, and when we try, it fails.

I feel like I am just a convenience for him. Doing all the house chores and still working a full-time job.

Am I over thinking everything? Will he ever just do what needs to be done? Will I always have to be the "adult" in this relationship?

Help me

Hi. I'm sorry you having such a difficult time at the moment. I have been married to my DH for over 7 years. I didn't realise he was autistic until January this year and I too am finding life very difficult. He is 62 now and will not accept that he is autistic although to me -now, it is glaringly obvious. My husband is kind and generous and doesn't have a problem with intimacy at all. He does have many other foibles though and I feel terribly depressed now that I realise he won't ever change. I don't think your partner will ever change and I feel that you will always be the adult in the relationship. I often feel I am the parent in this relationship and it certainly isn't a level playing field emotionally. My advice would be to leave the relationship now - only my opinion though based on my own experience though.

Hi. I'm sorry you having such a difficult time at the moment. I have been married to my DH for over 7 years. I didn't realise he was autistic until January this year and I too am finding life very difficult. He is 62 now and will not accept that he is autistic although to me -now, it is glaringly obvious. My husband is kind and generous and doesn't have a problem with intimacy at all. He does have many other foibles though and I feel terribly depressed now that I realise he won't ever change. I don't think your partner will ever change and I feel that you will always be the adult in the relationship. I often feel I am the parent in this relationship and it certainly isn't a level playing field emotionally. My advice would be to leave the relationship now - only my opinion though based on my own experience though.

I am sorry you are going through a hard time. I’ve often felt like I was my husband’s caregiver as well. The best think that has helped us having a calendar with a clear schedule and chore list. If he knows what is his and what days he has to do it that might help. I grow up in a family where we all just did stuff but I’ve been learning that it needs to be clearly said out loud who does what. If it’s written down it helps my husband plan better. Think of things that would make you feel loved. You should then tell him those things so he knows how better to show you his feelings. Communication is truly the biggest key. It’s hard I know but it helps. Don’t leave him. You can make it work <3 you’ve got support on here!