Disclosed my diagnosis to my parents

I am sure my parents would be dismissive or mocking. I have no intentions on telling them.

On some level they must know I am different, given my weird life path and not hitting most milestones in adulthood until very late and obviously living an unusual and lonely life, but I suppose since they have never raised it with me, they must be content to let me be.

My struggles in my earlier life (when they made no attempt to help me!!!!) are a distant memory, and I've since recovered and now am able to live independently and comfortably, so they don't need to worry about me after they're gone. So why give them more trouble now.

My mum said via Facebook something along the lines of, 'Yeah, I knew you were different when you were really young.' Cheers, Mum! A lifetime of frustration potentially avoided if someone had looked into autism much sooner. In fairness, the research and attitudes towards autism have progressed quite a bit since the 80s.

Anyway, your dad's response that you're going to use your autism as an 'excuse' is appalling. That's like telliing someone who's paralysed that they're being lazy for not using the stairs instead of the lift. Arguably, your mum's response is worse - silence can easily be interepreted as indifference. However, as has been pointed out already, she may have a perception of autism that is based on ignorance and she may be trying to avoid shame. There is nothing to be ashamed of about autism, but there is a lot of ableism in the world.

I suggest not doubting your diagnosis, and embracing your knowledge and the community here. You are not alone.

I won't be telling my family about my diagnosis as they will judge me according to their idea of autism, which is the one shown in the media. 

I'm pretty sure my mum is autistic, but it wouldn't do any good to point this out to her, she just does things in her own way. She's in her 70s and has coped without knowing, or needing to know. However it means I understand some of her previous behaviour, particularly when I was a child, much better. This has helped me forgive, if not forget, some of the things that happened.

I think autistic couples do find each other, out in public my parents were totally normal to the outside world. At home they most probably didn’t mask as much. Autism would have been perceived as a mental illness or the person was ,” Not the full shilling,” Anything to do with mental health would be kept behind closed doors.

Funny you mentioned both parents, I am pretty sure my autism came down my father's side, but my mum also has so many of the same traits and issues that I'd think it was both of them. but I always thought the odds were too slim for that to be possible!

Both are of an age where they wouldn't bother to find out and still have those reservations around disclosing anything as it's be perceived weakness. So I'll never know for sure...

Hi, maybe your dad hasn’t actually told your mother.  My mothers knowledge of autism was the film they all watched, yes Rain Man! Parents often think they did something wrong or there is also denial. I would wait to see if she asks a question, if she doesn’t then ask if your dad told her your news. 
Your dads comment was a normal, ‘dad doesn’t know what to say.’ There is most probably other neurodivergent people in your family. Family often don’t notice what neurotypical people would call weird behaviour as to us it’s normal. 
It wasn’t until I mentioned to my mother the many times she had been “sectioned” and why that might have been, also my late fathers daily meltdowns and set behaviour that she started to see a pattern. You will lose some friends and family along the way, I try to explain and educate but if they aren’t willing to accept me then I don’t need them. Hopefully your mum is just processing it all at the moment and doesn’t know what to say. It’s quite a big thing for an older person to accept. Good luck.

Maybe it’s the stigma or your parents lack of knowledge. Or both. My mom confirmed to me that I have all autistic traits (not that literally, but she said many times that I’m so special and different than others, not to her but generally, that I take everything literally, even my step dad when he says some joke he informs me that it’s a joke to avoid misunderstandings that are frequent with me, that I’m so sensitive especially to sounds and lights but not only, that I have fascinating inner world etc.) when I suggested that maybe I’m autistic she said no! There is nothing wrong with me and I’m not defective. Her understanding of autism is probably deep extreme case of autism where there is no communication with the person and the person is constantly in tantrum. Well, I’m not gonna fight that. Me and my mom are very similar, with some differences. She is better at controlling her emotions. So if she accepts me as autistic, she would probably also have to accept herself same way. Often autism or other neurodivergent conditions run in our families and autistic parents don’t find their autistic children weird. Maybe that’s also the case in your family. Maybe your parents need time to process the information, or educate themselves. 

You've got the Moxie now! Wear it with pride. Coming out is always fraught with personal perils.

It is misinformation that breeds intolerance. If your folks will not embrace you for who you are you will have to face that with that same moxie.

They may be frightened of some perceived stigma attached to autism and that they may, themselves are "tainted" by association or in actuality.

I have had to let go of some family and other people who were close to me.  But it is worth while and will lead you to a healthier set of values and a new sense of self worth and determination.

Your folks will have to come around on their own time and in their way, if at all. That is not a river you can hold back or push.

BTW - we do not know what your father actually told your mother, exactly. You might try to reach out to her as an individual.

and - Oscar Wilde says "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken."  I tell myself this every morning and face the day with it.

Well, they wanted to know, so you told them. It's not like you've admitted to a heinous crime, or some kind of heavy usage of drugs. You're just autistic, which is just that your mind processes information differently than neurotypicals would. You don't deserve to get put down for it. I would have just waited a few years before telling them. Why? It'll just have more impact. 

Try not to question things, you've been diagnosed and that's not something that happens by accident.

Give them time to come to terms with it. I know it's not the response you wanted and it will have been bitterly disappointing not to have felt they immediately engaged with it and wanted to know more, but everyone processes things differently, they may well be shocked or unsure of what to say to avoid upsetting you.

There's a lot to process when you find out you're autistic, take your time and try not to get overwhelmed, I found it was (and still is) a time where emotions can be raw and flip from positive to negative. most people on here have gone through it so are there to help and offer guidance where we can.

BipolarZombie said:

This experience has made me doubt my diagnosis and has left me feeling flat

Hmm, so you would consider two laymen with little knowledge to be more relevant to understanding your condition than trained, qualified professionals that do it for a living?

The older generations often have a stigma around anything to do with mental health and don't want to talk about it. This is their failing, not yours.

Remember that autism has a very high probability of being inherited from your birth parents (I think 80%) so there is a good chance that at least one of your parents could be on the spectrum, although possibly not to the point they would be considered autistic.

Your experience is a common one and there is no quick fix. You can pass them info to read but chances are the are stuck in their ways and won't try to learn more.

Your best option is to connect with those who do understand it or are willing to learn and open up to them. With between 2 and 5% of the population being autistic we are quite a sizable crowd now.

While I understand the difficulty and emotions that come with parents not believing/understanding an autism diagnosis 

Give them time, my parents took a while to come around, and they also had many misconceptions about autism, and it was only as they learnt more that they came to understand.

And for this 

BipolarZombie said:

This experience has made me doubt my diagnosis and has left me feeling flat

Why would your parents know better than a clinician? I wouldn't trust my parents to diagnose a physical health problem with any great skill, the same goes for my autism.