Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed Autistic 3 weeks ago and I’ve only told a handful of people, I’ve put off telling my parents because I thought they wouldn’t believe me and I was right. Today my dad came to my house and we were on about secrets and as you autistic people know, we can’t lie, so I told him I had a secret and so he badgered me to tell him and I said I wanted to tell him and my mum together, but he kept pushing me and in the end I told him, he asked me what made me autistic and I explained about my social awkwardness and he just said that I was quiet. He didn’t stay much after that, which I thought was weird, would have thought he’d want to ask me lots of questions, as he was leaving he looked at my pots that were piled up and said, I guess you are gonna use this as an excuse now for being messy. He left for home and I know he would have definitely told my mum and she hasn’t bothered to phone to discuss, which I’m not too happy about. This experience has made me doubt my diagnosis and has left me feeling flat
Hi, maybe your dad hasn’t actually told your mother. My mothers knowledge of autism was the film they all watched, yes Rain Man! Parents often think they did something wrong or there is also denial. I would wait to see if she asks a question, if she doesn’t then ask if your dad told her your news. Your dads comment was a normal, ‘dad doesn’t know what to say.’ There is most probably other neurodivergent people in your family. Family often don’t notice what neurotypical people would call weird behaviour as to us it’s normal. It wasn’t until I mentioned to my mother the many times she had been “sectioned” and why that might have been, also my late fathers daily meltdowns and set behaviour that she started to see a pattern. You will lose some friends and family along the way, I try to explain and educate but if they aren’t willing to accept me then I don’t need them. Hopefully your mum is just processing it all at the moment and doesn’t know what to say. It’s quite a big thing for an older person to accept. Good luck.
Funny you mentioned both parents, I am pretty sure my autism came down my father's side, but my mum also has so many of the same traits and issues that I'd think it was both of them. but I always thought the odds were too slim for that to be possible!
Both are of an age where they wouldn't bother to find out and still have those reservations around disclosing anything as it's be perceived weakness. So I'll never know for sure...
I think autistic couples do find each other, out in public my parents were totally normal to the outside world. At home they most probably didn’t mask as much. Autism would have been perceived as a mental illness or the person was ,” Not the full shilling,” Anything to do with mental health would be kept behind closed doors.