Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed Autistic 3 weeks ago and I’ve only told a handful of people, I’ve put off telling my parents because I thought they wouldn’t believe me and I was right. Today my dad came to my house and we were on about secrets and as you autistic people know, we can’t lie, so I told him I had a secret and so he badgered me to tell him and I said I wanted to tell him and my mum together, but he kept pushing me and in the end I told him, he asked me what made me autistic and I explained about my social awkwardness and he just said that I was quiet. He didn’t stay much after that, which I thought was weird, would have thought he’d want to ask me lots of questions, as he was leaving he looked at my pots that were piled up and said, I guess you are gonna use this as an excuse now for being messy. He left for home and I know he would have definitely told my mum and she hasn’t bothered to phone to discuss, which I’m not too happy about. This experience has made me doubt my diagnosis and has left me feeling flat
My mum said via Facebook something along the lines of, 'Yeah, I knew you were different when you were really young.' Cheers, Mum! A lifetime of frustration potentially avoided if someone had looked into autism much sooner. In fairness, the research and attitudes towards autism have progressed quite a bit since the 80s.
Anyway, your dad's response that you're going to use your autism as an 'excuse' is appalling. That's like telliing someone who's paralysed that they're being lazy for not using the stairs instead of the lift. Arguably, your mum's response is worse - silence can easily be interepreted as indifference. However, as has been pointed out already, she may have a perception of autism that is based on ignorance and she may be trying to avoid shame. There is nothing to be ashamed of about autism, but there is a lot of ableism in the world.
I suggest not doubting your diagnosis, and embracing your knowledge and the community here. You are not alone.