How others see us ‍♀️

Yeah, that’s what I was hoping to find out when I made this post. I’d love to know. It’s really caught my attention. 

No, I can never believe I’m fat! When I’m fat, I honestly think I’m skinny, but when I’m skinny and I look in the mirror, I look fat. It’s weird. I don’t care what it is in actual fact, meaning I don’t care if I’m skinny or fat. I’ve been fat and skinny and I love both. I’m more used to being skinny but when I was fat, I really loved it because I had curves, like a real woman! Lol! I really loved it. But I’m more used to my skinny boy figure, so although it’s not particularly feminine, I like it because it feels more like me. But I can’t keep my hands off myself when I’m fat, lol, and I love looking at myself in the mirror. But I don’t look fat at all. To me, I look like a gorgeous slender woman, but in reality, looking back on photos and the size of the clothes I was wearing, I was fat! Lol! But when I’m skinny, I actually look fat, even though I know I’m not. It’s weird. I wouldn’t do anything to change either state, such as eat more or less food or anything. It’s just one of those curious things that capture my interest. 

I guess it’s better to focus on the positives

Possibly, I wonder what other people on here experiences with this are?

But yeah. That’s what I was wondering. Do all autistic people think they’re coming across in one way, when to everybody else, they’re coming across in the complete opposite way? 

Oh, it’s certainly a roller coaster at times for me too, at least it was for a good while following my diagnosis. And it has been at other times. But the way I see life, is, if I’m alive, it’s good. The only way it can’t be good is if I judge it to be so, and I don’t, because I simply can’t see anything as ‘bad’. What is ‘bad’? If I’ve got oxygen coming into my lungs, I’m good to go :) 

I think maybe it’s a woman thing, we can easily believe we are too fat but not so easily believe we are skinny.

Maybe it’s an autistic thing that we’re not very good at realising how what we’re saying or the way we’re acting can be interpreted by others. We think we’re coming across one way but the other person sees something completely different. That concept has certainly given me food for thought. 

Bless you! I hope it was crying in a good way and not a bad way?

Thank you. I like to think of myself as being quite tenacious and mentally strong in as much as yes sometimes bad things happen but I keep going and get through it. I always know that no matter how bad things are there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have faith that I can get through even really emotionally difficult things because I already have faced and come through a lot so I know I have that coping ability there. I am a firm believer that God only sends us challenges that he knows we are strong enough to cope with, it might be rubbish for a while but we have the resources within us to get through it. Life is a journey and different things happen at different times for a reason. I can honestly look back at some of the difficult things that I have faced and not only completely understand why they had to happen but also understand how they’ve helped me to grow as a person and to know myself better. 

I think it’s amazing that you can see your life as an adventure and not perceive that you have faced any challenges. Personally I see life as a roller coaster, shortly after my abi I coined the term “life is a rollercoaster, you just got to ride it” it’s from a Ronan keating song and it just, for me summed up my life, yes life has its ups and downs but I just have to ride them out

;).  

Thank you. 

It is if you think in terms of easy and hard ;) 

Just pipped me to the post Tom.

Thanks btw, 

it’s only easy if you know how!

That goes for most things in life, 

Hi.

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You’re right. I don’t care about what other people think of me, I have little to no control over that. But I do care what I think of others. If I have even one, slight, unkindly thought about anyone, I don’t let it settle with me. I will sort it out. But I don’t care what others think about me. But I do love all people, unconditionally. 

No, I literaly don’t see the world through the eyes of right or wrong. In my eyes, there simply isn’t a right or wrong. Everybody views, in my eyes, are equally valid and right, meaning, they can’t be wrong, therefore they must be right. Not as an opposite to wrong, but as an only. Meaning there is only right, that sometimes appears wrong. But that doesn’t make it wrong. If that makes sense? If it doesn’t, tell me, and I’ll explain it another way. 

I’m so pleased for you Tom, with the job, They sound like lovely people who really appreciate your innate qualities of caring, supreme honesty, fairness and a desire to do right by people. I think this job is going to work out just perfectly for you, and I’m glad, because I know I say we don’t necessarily deserve things (my weird way of looking at the world), but you do deserve this. And I’m glad you’re getting a good break before you start. Enjoy it. You know you haven’t got a lot of preparation to do, because you’re going to a safe, kind place, so take this time for you. You definitely deserve that. You’ve been through one heck of a roller coaster of emotions of late and a lot of actual disruption. That’s heavy going for anybody, so do give yourself credit, and rest, where credit and rest are due, because that’s what really matters, how we talk to and treat ourselves. That’s what I mean about not caring what others think, I suppose. It’s what we think of ourselves  that really matters and being brave enough to admit it, even if it’s just to ourselves. Infact, it’s better when we keep it to ourselves. As Jesus said, god listens to those who pray in secret. And when you know, and god knows the truth, that’s all that really matters, and goodness flows naturally from there. 

You can deduce that at the centre of your heart, is nothing but goodness, by looking at your outer situation. After some turbulence, your outer situation is now mirroring that inner well of goodness within you, despite the obsessive thoughts, worrying and fear etc. So you can rest in that goodness and let it gently bathe you in its rays of joy, as you look forward to more settled, but no less creative, times. I’m really pleased for you. 

I suppose what I meant is, if you say you don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what people think of you, then it's kind of like saying you don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] about other people.  And I don't think that's the case, because you clearly do care about other people - as I do.

I'm different in that I accept that I do get things wrong.  Most humans do at some stage or other.  We're all fallible.  I don't think I could ever go so far as to say that if someone misunderstands me, that's their problem.  I find feedback from others can be a very useful thing to have, because it can aid me in self-reflection.  If someone says to me, for instance, 'You spoke very harshly there, and you've upset that person', I'll take a good look at what I've said and see whether I agree with them.  I may not, of course.  But as humans - as you've said yourself - we are all different, with different beliefs, understandings, sensitivities, outlooks, likes and hates, etc.  So, of course, we will all see things and understand things in a different way.  There can be a general acceptance about some things, of course - but even that can depend on a variety of factors - including culture.  Some people believe that capital punishment is acceptable, other don't.  Some people think it's acceptable to smack children, others don't.  Some people think that saying 'God-damn it!' is an innocent enough exclamation, whereas others will see it as the very grossest of blasphemies and be strongly offended. 

I happen to enjoy swearing and I would never feel offended by the use of the strongest language.  I use it myself.  But I choose my moments with it.  If I'm with someone who also uses that language quite freely, then I'll feel comfortable using it myself.  But if I'm in, say, a meeting with a group of people whom I know would not like to hear that language, then I won't use it.  I don't see that as denying myself in some way, or holding my true nature in check.  I see it as simply being respectful of others.  Of difference.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'I never get things 'wrong' because that's not how I see the world.'  It sounds like you're effectively saying that the way you see the world is the 'right' way... which implies, to me, that if other people see it differently from you, then they're wrong.  Is that right?

Yes... it was nice to go back there and see those people again.  And I got the job - YAY! - and start at the beginning of March.  It'll be nice to get settled again after all these months of disruption and uncertainty.

I'm grateful for the support you and others here have given me during that time. 

Oooops missing post?!?!? 

I wrote a reply, that I'm not going to repeat (because I can't remember everything I said)  apart from, no, I really don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what other people think of me. I prefer my own company most of the time anyway, so it's not like I need people for company or anything but it's not even that. I don't see myself as the sum total of what other people think of me, so I really don't care, one way or the other. It's only someone else's view, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you are the things they say, whether they're lovely things or horrible things. 

That doesn't mean I don't enjoy getting positive feedback. I think we can all appreciate some positive feedback but it doesn't effect how I think about myself, one way or another, so that's what I mean when I say I don't give a **** [edited by ChloeMod]. I mean other people's opinions of me have no bareing on how I see myself, whether negative or positive. Other people's views of me are just that, their views. 

And I never get things 'wrong' because that's not how I see the world. If somebody misunderstands what I say or visa versa, it's just that, a misunderstanding, although with regards to the wellbeing woman, it wasn't so much that it was a misunderstanding, because it wasn't really, but just how somebody could pick up such an opposite view of what I thought I was portraying. 

That was a lovely welcome you got back at the old place of work. They sound like lovely people. I hope you get the job if that's what you want. 

No, I don’t give a s**t what other people think of me, I never have and I’m always happy with myself.

I used to be a lot more of a people-pleaser than I am now - simply because I couldn't understand why people didn't seem to take to me, so I tried being pleasing to make people like me.  But people-pleasing, of course, is different to genuinely trying to cultivate friendships.

I wouldn't say I don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what other people think of me.   I don't care if they think I'm weird - but I do like to think that other people like me and respect me.  I've a feeling that's what you mean here, BlueRay.

I went for an interview yesterday at the place I worked before taking time out to care for mum.  I was really overwhelmed by the response of people in seeing them again after nearly three years.  Many of the staff and service users remembered me by name and came up to shake hands and say hello.  Many said 'I hope you get it.  It will be nice to see you back.'  The warmth I felt was almost astonishing.  I hadn't really felt that people had seemed to take to me so much.  It made me happy to think I was so well thought of.  So, on that occasion, it was quite nice to know what people thought of me.

I’m just fascinated that a person could get such an opposite view from that which I thought I was giving. 

Well, we're all open to being misunderstood.  I accept that about myself.  I made a comment to someone a little while ago - a mechanic I know at a local garage when I took my car in - which I intended as a compliment to him.  He seemed a bit miffed by it, though, and I wasn't sure why.  Basically, he'd moved to this much larger and more modern outfit from a very small garage business.  As a friendly comment, with complete sincerity, I said to him 'So you're moving up in the world, then.'

It was only later, when I thought about his reaction, that I could see what I'd said could have been interpreted in another way - as sarcasm.  I hadn't intended it that way at all.  I mentioned it to someone else, and they said 'Yes... it sounds a bit sarcastic.'  I always try to give a bit more thought about things I say, but I know I still get it wrong.  I realise that just because someone's derived a different meaning from something I said that it's not just their fault for getting it wrong.  Maybe I got it wrong.

On the back of this. I have just remembered, that when I’m fat, and I look in the mirror. I think I’m skinny. And when I’m, so called, skinny, I think I’m fat. I know the truth in both of these situations and I would never do any thing to try and alter either state. Although funnily enough, I find it harder to accept the truth of the skinny state. I really do think I’m fat. Not really, but when I look in the mirror. But when I’m fat and I think I’m skinny, I don’t question it. 

It’s not that I spend a lot of time thinking about this. I just find it odd, every time I look in a mirror when I’m skinny, because I think I look fat, and no matter how I look at myself, and tell myself the truth. I can’t see it. It doesn’t bother me or anything. It’s just weird. And as soon as I’m out of the mirror, I forget about it. 

I’m just wondering if it’s connected to people seeing me in the opposite way that I see myself? 

It’s weird though, because I’ve never been any different. I’ve always been the same. Even as a little kid, I seemed to always get my own way and do what I wanted it. But everybody used to say this was bad. Honestly, the school wanted me to see a psychiatrist, they said I was insane! Lol! Or maybe schizophrenic. 

But now all of a sudden. People are saying different things to me. But when they say them, they never match up to what I’m thinking I’m saying. It’s nearly always the opposite. But this comment was particularly striking because of the extreme contrast. 

I had to stop there, and cry. Because it suddenly dawned on me what you just said. Thank you for that

...and this is the teacher in me! ~ please know, that what you see in me, is already in you. It is simply not possible for you to see something in me, that wasn’t already in you. If it wasn’t in you, you couldn’t see it in me. 

I could go into the science of that. But trust me. It’s true. I am simply the mirror to your soul. Look within, and you will know it’s true. 

Read back through some of your posts, if you don’t believe me. The evidence is there. We’re either growing or we’re not. And if we are. It doesn’t matter where we are on that journey, because it’s not lineal. It’s not possible to compare where we are, with another, but if we do, we base it on someone we would like to be. Because that person, is simply our teacher. Just as that person has their teacher. And so on. And we have many teachers. But nobody is higher up the ladder. Not ever. 

I don’t see that I’ve faced any challenges in life, and if I have, they have been few, and they’re usually along the lines of not eating chocolate for a month! And I gave those kinds of challenges up a long time ago. I rarely face challenges. But I have had so many amazing adventures, and I’ve been so privileged and humbled to have experienced so many different walks of life. But rarely have they been challenging. More fascinating, I would say :) and they all lead me to where I am today. Knowing, since diagnosis, that I am a human being after all. Even if I am different. I’m a human being and that’s all I care about. That’s all I wanted to know. Who was I? 

I guess some people just have the ability to see the real us. How you say she described you is exactly how to come across in here to me, really positive and with a zest for life, 100% yourself and really growing and developing in yourself too. It is inspiring, I actually really look up to you. You’ve faced many challenges in your life yet you’re coming through the other side stronger and with a better knowledge of who you are