I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
I think what the support worker said to you is amazing, you should be proud
It’s not that, it’s how did she get that impression? I honestly thought I was rude to her, blunt, I didn’t want to be there, I’m a right *** when I go there, it’s not uncommon for me to act like a spoilt brat (outwardly) and I was, with her ~ or so I thought!?!?!? I thought I was horrible to her. Then when I thought I was being nice to the minister, she went crazy!
It’s still sinking in that most people really haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about. This is starting to feel like the peeling back of the onion skin. But somehow, these support workers, seem to be able to decipher what I’m saying, which I think is a mixed up load of nothing, and they come up with these genius plans and then they go and say these very weird things.
The second time I met the woman, as I was walking out, she said something that felt so profound that it struck me hard (I wrote about this on here). I was thinking I’m going to rip this stupid piece of paper up, what she gave me, and thinking all sorts of angry stuff about her, then she said that thing and I was stopped still. It turned out to be just what I needed to hear, but not in the way she meant it.
They never fail to amaze me. To me, they’re like magicians. But I guess it’s easy stuff to them. That’s why I’m going to them for help. But it still feels like magic to me.
I guess some people just have the ability to see the real us. How you say she described you is exactly how to come across in here to me, really positive and with a zest for life, 100% yourself and really growing and developing in yourself too. It is inspiring, I actually really look up to you. You’ve faced many challenges in your life yet you’re coming through the other side stronger and with a better knowledge of who you are
It’s weird though, because I’ve never been any different. I’ve always been the same. Even as a little kid, I seemed to always get my own way and do what I wanted it. But everybody used to say this was bad. Honestly, the school wanted me to see a psychiatrist, they said I was insane! Lol! Or maybe schizophrenic.
But now all of a sudden. People are saying different things to me. But when they say them, they never match up to what I’m thinking I’m saying. It’s nearly always the opposite. But this comment was particularly striking because of the extreme contrast.
I had to stop there, and cry. Because it suddenly dawned on me what you just said. Thank you for that
...and this is the teacher in me! ~ please know, that what you see in me, is already in you. It is simply not possible for you to see something in me, that wasn’t already in you. If it wasn’t in you, you couldn’t see it in me.
I could go into the science of that. But trust me. It’s true. I am simply the mirror to your soul. Look within, and you will know it’s true.
Read back through some of your posts, if you don’t believe me. The evidence is there. We’re either growing or we’re not. And if we are. It doesn’t matter where we are on that journey, because it’s not lineal. It’s not possible to compare where we are, with another, but if we do, we base it on someone we would like to be. Because that person, is simply our teacher. Just as that person has their teacher. And so on. And we have many teachers. But nobody is higher up the ladder. Not ever.
I don’t see that I’ve faced any challenges in life, and if I have, they have been few, and they’re usually along the lines of not eating chocolate for a month! And I gave those kinds of challenges up a long time ago. I rarely face challenges. But I have had so many amazing adventures, and I’ve been so privileged and humbled to have experienced so many different walks of life. But rarely have they been challenging. More fascinating, I would say :) and they all lead me to where I am today. Knowing, since diagnosis, that I am a human being after all. Even if I am different. I’m a human being and that’s all I care about. That’s all I wanted to know. Who was I?
Maybe it’s an autistic thing that we’re not very good at realising how what we’re saying or the way we’re acting can be interpreted by others. We think we’re coming across one way but the other person sees something completely different. That concept has certainly given me food for thought.
Bless you! I hope it was crying in a good way and not a bad way?
Thank you. I like to think of myself as being quite tenacious and mentally strong in as much as yes sometimes bad things happen but I keep going and get through it. I always know that no matter how bad things are there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have faith that I can get through even really emotionally difficult things because I already have faced and come through a lot so I know I have that coping ability there. I am a firm believer that God only sends us challenges that he knows we are strong enough to cope with, it might be rubbish for a while but we have the resources within us to get through it. Life is a journey and different things happen at different times for a reason. I can honestly look back at some of the difficult things that I have faced and not only completely understand why they had to happen but also understand how they’ve helped me to grow as a person and to know myself better.
I think it’s amazing that you can see your life as an adventure and not perceive that you have faced any challenges. Personally I see life as a roller coaster, shortly after my abi I coined the term “life is a rollercoaster, you just got to ride it” it’s from a Ronan keating song and it just, for me summed up my life, yes life has its ups and downs but I just have to ride them out
Oh, it’s certainly a roller coaster at times for me too, at least it was for a good while following my diagnosis. And it has been at other times. But the way I see life, is, if I’m alive, it’s good. The only way it can’t be good is if I judge it to be so, and I don’t, because I simply can’t see anything as ‘bad’. What is ‘bad’? If I’ve got oxygen coming into my lungs, I’m good to go :)
But yeah. That’s what I was wondering. Do all autistic people think they’re coming across in one way, when to everybody else, they’re coming across in the complete opposite way?
Possibly, I wonder what other people on here experiences with this are?
I guess it’s better to focus on the positives
Yeah, that’s what I was hoping to find out when I made this post. I’d love to know. It’s really caught my attention.
I don’t like to focus on the positives. That doesn’t really work for me. It feels like I’m trying to get my mind to believe something that isn’t true. I prefer to simply focus on the truth.