I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
Your perefectly you. Keep being that and be happy with it.
we can after all only be ourselves.
if other people think otherwise that’s there thoughts not ours..
we are not responsible for their thoughts or ideas, no more than they are for ours.
Your ok you are. X()x
No, I don’t give a **** [edited by ChloeMod] what other people think of me, I never have and I’m always happy with myself. I’m just fascinated that a person could get such an opposite view from that which I thought I was giving.
I find it simply fascinating. And I couldn’t not be me. I tried it once and I didn’t like it. It’s just such a weird feeling realising that someone saw you in such a different light to the one you thought you were giving.
Has it ever happened to you? Or anybody else?
BlueRay said:No, I don’t give a s**t what other people think of me, I never have and I’m always happy with myself.
I used to be a lot more of a people-pleaser than I am now - simply because I couldn't understand why people didn't seem to take to me, so I tried being pleasing to make people like me. But people-pleasing, of course, is different to genuinely trying to cultivate friendships.
I wouldn't say I don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what other people think of me. I don't care if they think I'm weird - but I do like to think that other people like me and respect me. I've a feeling that's what you mean here, BlueRay.
I went for an interview yesterday at the place I worked before taking time out to care for mum. I was really overwhelmed by the response of people in seeing them again after nearly three years. Many of the staff and service users remembered me by name and came up to shake hands and say hello. Many said 'I hope you get it. It will be nice to see you back.' The warmth I felt was almost astonishing. I hadn't really felt that people had seemed to take to me so much. It made me happy to think I was so well thought of. So, on that occasion, it was quite nice to know what people thought of me.
BlueRay said:I’m just fascinated that a person could get such an opposite view from that which I thought I was giving.
Well, we're all open to being misunderstood. I accept that about myself. I made a comment to someone a little while ago - a mechanic I know at a local garage when I took my car in - which I intended as a compliment to him. He seemed a bit miffed by it, though, and I wasn't sure why. Basically, he'd moved to this much larger and more modern outfit from a very small garage business. As a friendly comment, with complete sincerity, I said to him 'So you're moving up in the world, then.'
It was only later, when I thought about his reaction, that I could see what I'd said could have been interpreted in another way - as sarcasm. I hadn't intended it that way at all. I mentioned it to someone else, and they said 'Yes... it sounds a bit sarcastic.' I always try to give a bit more thought about things I say, but I know I still get it wrong. I realise that just because someone's derived a different meaning from something I said that it's not just their fault for getting it wrong. Maybe I got it wrong.
Oooops missing post?!?!?
I wrote a reply, that I'm not going to repeat (because I can't remember everything I said) apart from, no, I really don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what other people think of me. I prefer my own company most of the time anyway, so it's not like I need people for company or anything but it's not even that. I don't see myself as the sum total of what other people think of me, so I really don't care, one way or the other. It's only someone else's view, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you are the things they say, whether they're lovely things or horrible things.
That doesn't mean I don't enjoy getting positive feedback. I think we can all appreciate some positive feedback but it doesn't effect how I think about myself, one way or another, so that's what I mean when I say I don't give a **** [edited by ChloeMod]. I mean other people's opinions of me have no bareing on how I see myself, whether negative or positive. Other people's views of me are just that, their views.
And I never get things 'wrong' because that's not how I see the world. If somebody misunderstands what I say or visa versa, it's just that, a misunderstanding, although with regards to the wellbeing woman, it wasn't so much that it was a misunderstanding, because it wasn't really, but just how somebody could pick up such an opposite view of what I thought I was portraying.
That was a lovely welcome you got back at the old place of work. They sound like lovely people. I hope you get the job if that's what you want.
I suppose what I meant is, if you say you don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what people think of you, then it's kind of like saying you don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] about other people. And I don't think that's the case, because you clearly do care about other people - as I do.
I'm different in that I accept that I do get things wrong. Most humans do at some stage or other. We're all fallible. I don't think I could ever go so far as to say that if someone misunderstands me, that's their problem. I find feedback from others can be a very useful thing to have, because it can aid me in self-reflection. If someone says to me, for instance, 'You spoke very harshly there, and you've upset that person', I'll take a good look at what I've said and see whether I agree with them. I may not, of course. But as humans - as you've said yourself - we are all different, with different beliefs, understandings, sensitivities, outlooks, likes and hates, etc. So, of course, we will all see things and understand things in a different way. There can be a general acceptance about some things, of course - but even that can depend on a variety of factors - including culture. Some people believe that capital punishment is acceptable, other don't. Some people think it's acceptable to smack children, others don't. Some people think that saying 'God-damn it!' is an innocent enough exclamation, whereas others will see it as the very grossest of blasphemies and be strongly offended.
I happen to enjoy swearing and I would never feel offended by the use of the strongest language. I use it myself. But I choose my moments with it. If I'm with someone who also uses that language quite freely, then I'll feel comfortable using it myself. But if I'm in, say, a meeting with a group of people whom I know would not like to hear that language, then I won't use it. I don't see that as denying myself in some way, or holding my true nature in check. I see it as simply being respectful of others. Of difference.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'I never get things 'wrong' because that's not how I see the world.' It sounds like you're effectively saying that the way you see the world is the 'right' way... which implies, to me, that if other people see it differently from you, then they're wrong. Is that right?
Yes... it was nice to go back there and see those people again. And I got the job - YAY! - and start at the beginning of March. It'll be nice to get settled again after all these months of disruption and uncertainty.
I'm grateful for the support you and others here have given me during that time.
You’re right. I don’t care about what other people think of me, I have little to no control over that. But I do care what I think of others. If I have even one, slight, unkindly thought about anyone, I don’t let it settle with me. I will sort it out. But I don’t care what others think about me. But I do love all people, unconditionally.
No, I literaly don’t see the world through the eyes of right or wrong. In my eyes, there simply isn’t a right or wrong. Everybody views, in my eyes, are equally valid and right, meaning, they can’t be wrong, therefore they must be right. Not as an opposite to wrong, but as an only. Meaning there is only right, that sometimes appears wrong. But that doesn’t make it wrong. If that makes sense? If it doesn’t, tell me, and I’ll explain it another way.
I’m so pleased for you Tom, with the job, They sound like lovely people who really appreciate your innate qualities of caring, supreme honesty, fairness and a desire to do right by people. I think this job is going to work out just perfectly for you, and I’m glad, because I know I say we don’t necessarily deserve things (my weird way of looking at the world), but you do deserve this. And I’m glad you’re getting a good break before you start. Enjoy it. You know you haven’t got a lot of preparation to do, because you’re going to a safe, kind place, so take this time for you. You definitely deserve that. You’ve been through one heck of a roller coaster of emotions of late and a lot of actual disruption. That’s heavy going for anybody, so do give yourself credit, and rest, where credit and rest are due, because that’s what really matters, how we talk to and treat ourselves. That’s what I mean about not caring what others think, I suppose. It’s what we think of ourselves that really matters and being brave enough to admit it, even if it’s just to ourselves. Infact, it’s better when we keep it to ourselves. As Jesus said, god listens to those who pray in secret. And when you know, and god knows the truth, that’s all that really matters, and goodness flows naturally from there.
You can deduce that at the centre of your heart, is nothing but goodness, by looking at your outer situation. After some turbulence, your outer situation is now mirroring that inner well of goodness within you, despite the obsessive thoughts, worrying and fear etc. So you can rest in that goodness and let it gently bathe you in its rays of joy, as you look forward to more settled, but no less creative, times. I’m really pleased for you.
I'm finding these 'moderations' to be more and more bizarre.
Surely, it should be enough to blank out a couple of letters. By blanking out all four letters, it could actually be thought of by anyone remotely imaginative to be a much stronger 'four-letter word' than the one that's actually been replaced by '****'.
I can't remember now, BlueRay. Did you say you couldn't give an s-word, or did you say you couldn't give an f-word?
Not that I especially give a **** one way or the other. Or even a ****, come to that.