How others see us ‍♀️

I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me. 

She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more. 

I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!

And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. 

How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!

Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ‍♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on. 

I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird! 

Parents Reply
  • No, I don’t give a s**t what other people think of me, I never have and I’m always happy with myself.

    I used to be a lot more of a people-pleaser than I am now - simply because I couldn't understand why people didn't seem to take to me, so I tried being pleasing to make people like me.  But people-pleasing, of course, is different to genuinely trying to cultivate friendships.

    I wouldn't say I don't give a **** [edited by Chloe Mod] what other people think of me.   I don't care if they think I'm weird - but I do like to think that other people like me and respect me.  I've a feeling that's what you mean here, BlueRay.

    I went for an interview yesterday at the place I worked before taking time out to care for mum.  I was really overwhelmed by the response of people in seeing them again after nearly three years.  Many of the staff and service users remembered me by name and came up to shake hands and say hello.  Many said 'I hope you get it.  It will be nice to see you back.'  The warmth I felt was almost astonishing.  I hadn't really felt that people had seemed to take to me so much.  It made me happy to think I was so well thought of.  So, on that occasion, it was quite nice to know what people thought of me.

    I’m just fascinated that a person could get such an opposite view from that which I thought I was giving. 

    Well, we're all open to being misunderstood.  I accept that about myself.  I made a comment to someone a little while ago - a mechanic I know at a local garage when I took my car in - which I intended as a compliment to him.  He seemed a bit miffed by it, though, and I wasn't sure why.  Basically, he'd moved to this much larger and more modern outfit from a very small garage business.  As a friendly comment, with complete sincerity, I said to him 'So you're moving up in the world, then.'

    It was only later, when I thought about his reaction, that I could see what I'd said could have been interpreted in another way - as sarcasm.  I hadn't intended it that way at all.  I mentioned it to someone else, and they said 'Yes... it sounds a bit sarcastic.'  I always try to give a bit more thought about things I say, but I know I still get it wrong.  I realise that just because someone's derived a different meaning from something I said that it's not just their fault for getting it wrong.  Maybe I got it wrong.