Published on 12, July, 2020
I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
That’s the nature of autism. We’re so self obsessed it makes us kind of serious, most of the time, so we’re not as easy with jokes. Whereas as nt’s are not as self obsessed as us, no where near, so they enjoy life in the lighter lane and so they enjoy jokes and pulling each other’s legs etc. But we’re so rigid and self obsessed that if we’re having a hard time, we think the whole world should realise that and not joke in our presence. When we get more autism aware, we can begin to separate ourselves from others and not get upset because others aren’t all like us. It makes life a lot easier. But it takes time.
I’ve never had a reasonable understanding of sarcasm or when people are joking, so I guess in that respect my diagnosis wasn’t a surprise, and I have always had to ask if people are being serious or not. I can’t work it out, so I don’t try, I just ask people to tell me. It saves a lot of confusion and time spent trying to work it out. Most of the time I don’t really care one way or the other so in those instances I usually just leave it but if I want to know, I just ask.
Yeah, I have to ask people and if it is sarcasm, they then have to explain that to me as well! Lol! Some of the sarcasm I can understand, after an explanation has been given, but most of it doesn’t make sense to me. I ask them as well, are you being honest? Because I’m not always sure and I think if I’m not sure now, I’ll never be, so I just ask people and I get mixed responses but it’s better than me thinking, are they being sarcastic, what do they even mean, are they being honest?!?!?! People who know me are used to my line of questioning, or interrogation as my sister calls it, and those who don’t know me, soon realise I ask a lot of questions! Lol! And often, they’re so bizarre nobody has ever been asked them before but because of that, it somehow makes them warm to me and they end up giving me loads of info and we end up striking up a lovely little friendship (as I call it), interaction (as most people call it).
Yes, definitely ~ some people will do anything to avoid looking at the truth and so they will only talk about certain things ~ so when somebody comes along and talks about those said things, they have to shut that person up somehow, lest they should be forced to face the truth. So they will often times say things like, shut up you’re irritating me or I don’t want to talk about that, etc etc. It’s a sure fire clue that, the person is not willing to face certain things in their life. Now I understand that, I do back off from people when it happens, because I’ve realised that nobody wants to be pushed to face the truth, they have to do that in their own time. Nobody likes being woken up from their actual slumber and it’s the same with their denial of reality, they don’t want to be woken from that so abruptly.
I also used to have opinions, until I realised they were just that and that if anything, they only thing they did was hurt me, limit me,divide people and force them to think in terms of right and wrong, so I ditched any opinions I had, became more open and now I either know something or I don’t, and it sure has made life much more peaceful, kind and it does away with right and wrong of any kind completely, because let’s face it, there isn’t a person on this planet who has any authority over right and wrong
It's times like this that remind me I don't think like NTs. I just don't get it when I'm having such an awful time and people try to make light of it? I think I have a good sense of humour but not right now, maybe others don't?
Yeah I often don't really get the point of other people's 'jokes' even if they are just jokes
I'm finding these 'moderations' to be more and more bizarre.
Surely, it should be enough to blank out a couple of letters. By blanking out all four letters, it could actually be thought of by anyone remotely imaginative to be a much stronger 'four-letter word' than the one that's actually been replaced by '****'.
I can't remember now, BlueRay. Did you say you couldn't give an s-word, or did you say you couldn't give an f-word?
Not that I especially give a **** one way or the other. Or even a ****, come to that.
You just hit the nail on the head, 3 hours ago I had a major meltdown at my husband and my neighbour for what they say was 'only joking', I've been off work for a while due to a disciplinary, long story and both my OH and neighbour joked about me watching Netflix, if anybody knows me I am 'always doing....' working crafting cleaning visiting my mum.. I hit the roof... my OH and neighbour both said " oh we were only joking", they know what I am going through and seem to find something funny in it???? I just didn't and don't get it. what really gets me though is that phrase 'Only joking', really?
Yeah, same for me! I used to think that I had a reasonable understanding of sarcasm and knowing when people are joking but since diagnosis, if my husband says something and I think he's being serious and start getting annoyed, he now tells me that he was just joking and I've realised how often I think someone is speaking honestly when actually they are just joking.
we've probably been programmed to have that psychological profile by society and the media, sadly. Most women I know think they look fat even when they don't. I've never come across the reverse though, where a woman thinks she looks skinny when she is fat.
Was she being sarcastic? I find myself constantly asking if somebody is being sarcastic if I've said something and not got the response I expected. I have a real problem determining what is an honest reply and what is sarcasm.
I wonder if your lack of filter is part of it. Some people get irritated by it but others see it as fresh because you just say it how it is?
I think loudness is seen as a sign of confidence but also I'm quite opinionated and I only back down if there is proof that I'm wrong. I think this can be seen as confident whereas I see it more as why would I change my mind if there's no evidence of why I should. I do listen to other people's opinions but I don't think my replys always show this. They often start with yes but.
Yeah, I’m used to people thinking I’m being rude, when I’m talking normal, but like you said, not the other way round!
To me, everything’s acceptable to talk about. I think it’s plain weird that some people rule out some things as not being acceptable to talk about. I have few filters!
Yeah, I know what you mean about feeling insecure etc yet coming across as confident. I think that was what helped me build my confidence. People thought I was, so I kind of began to take on that identity until eventually I really was confident. I’m loud as well, maybe this is a sign of confidence to other people?!?
I'd guess may be the tone of voice you think sounds polite sounds rude to others and the tone of voice you think is rude sounds polite. I've known lots of autistic people that sound rude without meaning to but not the other way round. Perhaps there is also a difference between what you and others think is acceptable to talk about?
I know I am often taken the wrong way. People think I'm being rude or sarcastic when I thought what I said was perfectly fine. I find it hard to see the boundaries for jokes etc and often cross the line. People also see me as a confident person when in reality I'm really shy and have low self esteem, I'm just really loud.
Yeah, that was definitely a brave attempt at getting feedback but an even wiser decision to abort mission ~ I know what my feedback from work would be ~ although to be fair, most people tell me without me having to ask ~ weird, weird, weird, and scary, apparently!!! I’m only just realising how much people are scared of me!!!
My therapist once talked about importance of body language and how we can come across because of our body language. And next day at work I asked everybody how I come across. But all of them were polite and avoided answering my question (only one person admitted, when confronted, that I come across as “weird,sometimes a bit rude”) I stopped asking people.
It’s not a major thing. It just seems curious. But what you said has got me thinking about it in a slightly different way, as well now. I was just wondering really, if it was connected to me thinking I’m behaving in one way, and others seeing me in a different way. I just wondered if there was a connection.
I’ll be going around asking everybody now, how I’m coming across! Lol! As if I don’t ask weird enough questions as it is!
p.s. is that a stereotype i.e. saying it’s a ‘woman thing’? Or is it somehow true, that when a woman looks in the mirror when she is fat, she sees a skinny person and when she looks in the mirror when she’s skinny, she looks fat? It’s not that I think, oh god, I look fat. It’s more like, that’s weird, I know I’m skinny but I don’t look it somehow. And I think that’s what you’re saying also. So are we thinking that it’s a psychological profile of a woman to see herself as the opposite size to what she really is, when she looks in the mirror? Or have we somehow been programmed to have that psychological profile?
I’m not sure about this one. Maybe someone else can shed some light on it?
I don’t like to focus on the positives. That doesn’t really work for me. It feels like I’m trying to get my mind to believe something that isn’t true. I prefer to simply focus on the truth.