Your experience with alexithymia

I had a similar experience when my former therapist asked me what it was like when I fell in love with my girlfriend at the time. My answer was that on the one hand it was nice but at the same time very tiring. That completely upset her and she said it was very simple and then she described to me how one must feel in such a situation.
In general I only recognize very extreme feelings. I also have problems recognizing some body signals such as hunger.

First of all, the obsession with 'how I'm feeling' is frankly, a bit much. Kant has a good deal to say on the matter.

Sensory perception is necessary to evaluate the world around and feelings are often flung into this calculation. The problem is, all hardware or instruments we use in similar require calibration. Feelings can be false because perception can be incorrect. Senses can be dulled. The impact can be muddled up with bias and produce a false understanding. Feelings are fleeting. They can give a benchmark on a matter, but I think the dependance on them is a bit out of hand.

I used to get annoyed living in the US with everyone demanding to know how I was at any given point. I tried replying, "no idea". This made some uncomfortable. I went through a time where I played about with responses, but resented being interrogated by every till assistant. This was before I knew... Now if I refuse to suffer the ordeal, I redirect the command prompt (of 'how are you') with what's happening around me. 

However, reflection, observation, internal awareness are all purposeful. it is good to recognise when one is at capacity, over a limit, or just have a general self-awareness, but this doesn't have to be a feeling, which is also quite pathological. It's significant to recognise ethics, values and principles, to be able to observe and evaluate how to be safe so to see it in others, and what to expect and how to engage. It's even better to know what makes another worth trusting and responsible. And then have conscious rules to being synchronous with our desired self. The integration of deeper personal values and what I say and do is a worthwhile goal. Feelings might not tell you much about where an impact has come from or how to fix a problem. 

AuTriker said:

And many of those emotions would thus be "annoyance at having to do this"!

LOL - same!

It would annoy me too, I would probably use the questionaire to say how annoyed I felt. I've never really had a sense of achievement, only relief at having gotten away with it. I rarely get excited anymore I think I've trained myself out of it, as I'd get really excited and be looking forward for something only for it not to happen, which would end up with me feeling really depressed. Having PTSD I think I have adrenal burnout and somethings don't bother me that really should and others like big spiders have me running off screaming with a racing heart, intrusive memories and thoughts.

When I'm asked questions like what my primary emotion is, I often go blank, either that or to instant annoyance, I think in many ways it's a stupid question because often I either don't have one or it's something like curious, Therapists don't seem to like that,. I've got to be honest and say that I'm wary of CBT, I have had it, when I started getting nightmares about driving and had to give it up for a while, I can drive again now, but not on motorways or busy places I dont' know. What I did find was I had symptom substitution, instead of being to afraid to drive, I developed social phobia. I think CBT is a good tool in some cases, but I think it's over used and often not appropriately used and I say this as a former counsellor. The NHS like CBT, it follows a medical model, 6-10 45 minute doses and if it dosen't work then you have to go through the whole referal and diagnostic process again.

Whats wrong with having to take time to sort out your feelings? Why do you have to have an instant reaction to everything and who do you have to have that reaction for? I can understand that if you see something unusual good or bad a person might have an instant emotional response, but when you're just bimbling through the day, no.

Amerantin (former member) said:

every half an hour through the day.

Wow that would annoy me having to do that! Constant interruptions of whatever else I might have been doing, or I would just forget to do it much of the time. And many of those emotions would thus be "annoyance at having to do this"! Right now I am not sure I could identify my primary emotion and I suspect that would be the case for most of the time.

As for the original question, I don't find it easy to answer. I don't have mild emotions, but much of the time I think I might be feeling neutral, and I often find it hard to identify more than positive or negative. My husband accuses me of being in a bad mood, but i think I just react to things, so if something annoys me then i will express annoyance regardless of any underlying emotional state. It is possible that I might be feeling negative but not consciously aware of it all the time. Sadly that is more common than positive, especially at the moment as I am being dragged around by PIP and suffering with the menopause.

I too always thought I was very self aware and knew my own mind but in reality I just over think everything and I'm probably "numb" to a lot of things.

Like Amerantin  I only really feel anger, sadness or anxiety (but very intensely). I don't get excited - only anxious.

A sad tale - years ago my long term partner asked me if I loved them and I could only, honestly, answer her..."I don't know".

I hadn’t heard of it until about a year and a half ago when I received CBT therapy. One of the first tasks I was given was to record my mood throughout the day -  scores for Achievement, Connection and Enjoyment plus the primary emotion I was feeling every half an hour through the day.

It quickly became apparent I couldn’t describe what emotion I was feeling, so I was given an emotion wheel diagram with a few dozen different emotions listed to prompt me.

But I could only really say if I was angry, sad, anxious or not angry sad or anxious.

All the “emotions” on the diagram seem more like intellectual concepts to me rather than something would “feel”.