Published on 12, July, 2020
What is your understanding of Alexithymia?
I know it's probably difficult for people with Alexithymia to explain and know things like this.
I've suspected I might have it. I've always had 'mild' emotions, I'm not sure if I like something at times, I'm not sure if I'm sensitive to sounds, textures, etc. and I don't know how being sensitive actually feels; Is it what I'm experiencing or is it something else?
And most of the times, I only understand my thoughts and feelings after journaling or showering, I always thought I was great with my emotions but recently realized it's just cause I practice it a lot and know a lot of helpful tools, but in actuality I need so much time and effort to understand thoughts and they rarely come instantaneously.
I don't know, even now I'm questioning if what I've written are my true thoughts and feelings or I just think they are.
First of all, the obsession with 'how I'm feeling' is frankly, a bit much. Kant has a good deal to say on the matter.
Sensory perception is necessary to evaluate the world around and feelings are often flung into this calculation. The problem is, all hardware or instruments we use in similar require calibration. Feelings can be false because perception can be incorrect. Senses can be dulled. The impact can be muddled up with bias and produce a false understanding. Feelings are fleeting. They can give a benchmark on a matter, but I think the dependance on them is a bit out of hand.
I used to get annoyed living in the US with everyone demanding to know how I was at any given point. I tried replying, "no idea". This made some uncomfortable. I went through a time where I played about with responses, but resented being interrogated by every till assistant. This was before I knew... Now if I refuse to suffer the ordeal, I redirect the command prompt (of 'how are you') with what's happening around me.
However, reflection, observation, internal awareness are all purposeful. it is good to recognise when one is at capacity, over a limit, or just have a general self-awareness, but this doesn't have to be a feeling, which is also quite pathological. It's significant to recognise ethics, values and principles, to be able to observe and evaluate how to be safe so to see it in others, and what to expect and how to engage. It's even better to know what makes another worth trusting and responsible. And then have conscious rules to being synchronous with our desired self. The integration of deeper personal values and what I say and do is a worthwhile goal. Feelings might not tell you much about where an impact has come from or how to fix a problem.