Published on 12, July, 2020
What is your understanding of Alexithymia?
I know it's probably difficult for people with Alexithymia to explain and know things like this.
I've suspected I might have it. I've always had 'mild' emotions, I'm not sure if I like something at times, I'm not sure if I'm sensitive to sounds, textures, etc. and I don't know how being sensitive actually feels; Is it what I'm experiencing or is it something else?
And most of the times, I only understand my thoughts and feelings after journaling or showering, I always thought I was great with my emotions but recently realized it's just cause I practice it a lot and know a lot of helpful tools, but in actuality I need so much time and effort to understand thoughts and they rarely come instantaneously.
I don't know, even now I'm questioning if what I've written are my true thoughts and feelings or I just think they are.
I too always thought I was very self aware and knew my own mind but in reality I just over think everything and I'm probably "numb" to a lot of things.
Like Amerantin I only really feel anger, sadness or anxiety (but very intensely). I don't get excited - only anxious.
A sad tale - years ago my long term partner asked me if I loved them and I could only, honestly, answer her..."I don't know".
It would annoy me too, I would probably use the questionaire to say how annoyed I felt. I've never really had a sense of achievement, only relief at having gotten away with it. I rarely get excited anymore I think I've trained myself out of it, as I'd get really excited and be looking forward for something only for it not to happen, which would end up with me feeling really depressed. Having PTSD I think I have adrenal burnout and somethings don't bother me that really should and others like big spiders have me running off screaming with a racing heart, intrusive memories and thoughts.
When I'm asked questions like what my primary emotion is, I often go blank, either that or to instant annoyance, I think in many ways it's a stupid question because often I either don't have one or it's something like curious, Therapists don't seem to like that,. I've got to be honest and say that I'm wary of CBT, I have had it, when I started getting nightmares about driving and had to give it up for a while, I can drive again now, but not on motorways or busy places I dont' know. What I did find was I had symptom substitution, instead of being to afraid to drive, I developed social phobia. I think CBT is a good tool in some cases, but I think it's over used and often not appropriately used and I say this as a former counsellor. The NHS like CBT, it follows a medical model, 6-10 45 minute doses and if it dosen't work then you have to go through the whole referal and diagnostic process again.
Whats wrong with having to take time to sort out your feelings? Why do you have to have an instant reaction to everything and who do you have to have that reaction for? I can understand that if you see something unusual good or bad a person might have an instant emotional response, but when you're just bimbling through the day, no.