Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't get out very much at all.
But I went into town yesterday morning and by lunch I had a headache, by the evening I was exhausted and by bed I was feeling pain in the abdomen, chest, everywhere really and at 2 I woke up with the worst acid reflux (a regular occurrence for me)... all caused by anxiety and all because I went out yesterday.
This I find it so frustrating and a little upsetting and embarrassing. I don't go out much because the idea of people and public places is terrifying to me, sometimes I drive to the shop but get filled with so much dread and fear I can't actually get out the car and end up going back home. But yesterday I was brave - I persisted.
I knew I would suffer for it afterwards. I always do. I can look forward to today with more acid reflux and pain.
Sometimes, I really hate myself for being like this.
I like going out, but always exhaust myself; for doing so.
I plan to take my Artist friend with me to Belfast, on Friday.
When I did that, Friday before last, I was hyper the whole evening.
I sympathise greatly. Like you, I don't get out much. There are some days when I wake up and just feel too exhausted to do anything. It can be particularly frustrating when there are things I need or want to do.
If it's not exhaustion throwing obstacles in my way, then it's my anxiety and general dislike of being around too many other people.
I too have days when I dislike myself for being the way I am.
Hello Vice, have you had a GP check you for the causes of the ongoing acid reflux?
I did this last year and after being referred to a specialist they found I had a faulty valve that controls how food/drink enters the stomach (more specifically how it should stop it coming back up) - called a hiatus hernia.
This led me to research more into the triggers for acid reflud, long term risks etc and the things I found were worst for it were:
1 - stress (you clearly have this)
2 - drinking caffeine in the evening
3 - eating spicy food in the evening
4 - eating/drinking acidic food/drink (orange juice etc)
5 - drinking booze
Other things I founf helpful:
1 - having several pillows to raise my upper torso and head to a slight angle for sleeping (gravity helps a lot)
2 - eating early in the evening and only water afterwards, and only a little before bedtime.
3 - getting fit. Lose any fat around the abdomen if you can
Medication wise I was prescribed a six month course of Omeprazole with a warning that it is not for ongoing use (I'm not sure why). That did have an effect within days but the instructions were not to rely on drugs but get the underlying cause under management.
These days I do often break the guidelines for a good night out or when on holiday but good old Rennie type antacid tablets work for managing the symptoms if they appear.
Longer term surgery to repair the faulty valve is an option but I'm not going down that route while I can still manage it effectively with little hassle.
I hope something here is helpful - I don't think any of it raises to the level of medical advice and you should deffo get a GP consult over it.
Hi, sorry it took such a toll on you, I use Omeprazole, obviously speak to the Pharmacist, Omeprazole is available over the counter, not recommending you take it but it reduces the amount of acid I produce. The Pharmacy will be able to give the correct advice. There are online pharmacies if you don’t want to go out again. When in bed I use more pillows so I sleep more upright. Rest today and recharge.
I enjoy hiking. Rewarding and interesting is what I find, good if you have a camera as well so you can make a journal of your hike, what you saw and did etc etc.
If you ever go to Wales Abergavenny I recommend hiking up the Sugar Loaf Mountain. A lot of people start by the Vineyards I prefer the more scenic country route of going up an old farm and going that way.
I take a picnic with me when I go hiking as well.
Anxiety is a constant battle and it can manifest in all kinds of physical ways. I too suffer afterwards if I put myself into a busy and noisy environment. I can almost guarantee the following few days will be a complete write off due to a migraine and digestive pain.
However I can go hiking for a day, solo in a quiet stress free environment, and be completely fine afterwards. It's not necessarily about 'going out' but more about working out where and when to go to avoid being drained. Some environments will drain you while others, like being in nature, might energise you.
What I find helps with going shopping is always wearing earplugs. Blocking out much of the noise really helps. I did not realise how much of my 'anxiety' was due to sensory overload until I started to do this. There is also the added benefit that if I cannot hear people I am less aware of them and I can focus solely on where am going and what I need to buy.
Likewise if you are sensitive to light then wearing tinted glasses and a baseball cap can help when out shopping.
There is no need to hate yourself for being like this. It is part of being autistic and not your fault. A book that really helped me was "Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults" by Dr Luke Beardon.
Hello Vice, sorry to hear the anxiety is so crippling - it sucks when it has control over you like this.
What have you tried to control it?
One book I have read that was useful is:
Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)ISBN 9781843108955
It helped me during some difficult times (at risk of losing my job when I was the family breadwinner, and moving to a different country to live where I was struggling to learn the language) so it may have some useful bits for you.
I find that being able to use a mix of meditation and mindfulness is the best for me - I've got it so I can take on stuff now that would have paralised me before and can live a fairly normal life when I want to.
Not all autists are the same so your experience may be different to mine.
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.
Thank you! Have a great day!
Hi thanks. Things are a bit better I just took a short nap and I do feel a lot better having got some rest. I don't have a good relationship with my GP but I will go to him in the end if I need the intervention but at the moment I cope.
Today will be spent resting and I might listen to some of my CDs this afternoon as I do some gaming
Thanks for replying I hope you have a great day.
Hi Vice.
Welcome to the online community. I'm sorry you're suffering after what sounds like a big day for you yesterday. You don't need to feel ashamed of yourself, look at the positive, you did go out yesterday and it was a success.
So well done for that.
I think you should rest up today and be kind to yourself. I suffer from GERD and Colitis and when my acid reflux is bad I use Gaviscon, liquid form and that works for me. Not giving medical advice but that's what I use. See your doctor if it persists, they might suggest it or give you something else to help manage it.
Have a good restful day.