Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't get out very much at all.
But I went into town yesterday morning and by lunch I had a headache, by the evening I was exhausted and by bed I was feeling pain in the abdomen, chest, everywhere really and at 2 I woke up with the worst acid reflux (a regular occurrence for me)... all caused by anxiety and all because I went out yesterday.
This I find it so frustrating and a little upsetting and embarrassing. I don't go out much because the idea of people and public places is terrifying to me, sometimes I drive to the shop but get filled with so much dread and fear I can't actually get out the car and end up going back home. But yesterday I was brave - I persisted.
I knew I would suffer for it afterwards. I always do. I can look forward to today with more acid reflux and pain.
Sometimes, I really hate myself for being like this.
Hello Vice, sorry to hear the anxiety is so crippling - it sucks when it has control over you like this.
What have you tried to control it?
One book I have read that was useful is:
Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)ISBN 9781843108955
It helped me during some difficult times (at risk of losing my job when I was the family breadwinner, and moving to a different country to live where I was struggling to learn the language) so it may have some useful bits for you.
I find that being able to use a mix of meditation and mindfulness is the best for me - I've got it so I can take on stuff now that would have paralised me before and can live a fairly normal life when I want to.
Not all autists are the same so your experience may be different to mine.