Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't get out very much at all.
But I went into town yesterday morning and by lunch I had a headache, by the evening I was exhausted and by bed I was feeling pain in the abdomen, chest, everywhere really and at 2 I woke up with the worst acid reflux (a regular occurrence for me)... all caused by anxiety and all because I went out yesterday.
This I find it so frustrating and a little upsetting and embarrassing. I don't go out much because the idea of people and public places is terrifying to me, sometimes I drive to the shop but get filled with so much dread and fear I can't actually get out the car and end up going back home. But yesterday I was brave - I persisted.
I knew I would suffer for it afterwards. I always do. I can look forward to today with more acid reflux and pain.
Sometimes, I really hate myself for being like this.
I like going out, but always exhaust myself; for doing so.
I plan to take my Artist friend with me to Belfast, on Friday.
When I did that, Friday before last, I was hyper the whole evening.