Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't get out very much at all.
But I went into town yesterday morning and by lunch I had a headache, by the evening I was exhausted and by bed I was feeling pain in the abdomen, chest, everywhere really and at 2 I woke up with the worst acid reflux (a regular occurrence for me)... all caused by anxiety and all because I went out yesterday.
This I find it so frustrating and a little upsetting and embarrassing. I don't go out much because the idea of people and public places is terrifying to me, sometimes I drive to the shop but get filled with so much dread and fear I can't actually get out the car and end up going back home. But yesterday I was brave - I persisted.
I knew I would suffer for it afterwards. I always do. I can look forward to today with more acid reflux and pain.
Sometimes, I really hate myself for being like this.
I sympathise greatly. Like you, I don't get out much. There are some days when I wake up and just feel too exhausted to do anything. It can be particularly frustrating when there are things I need or want to do.
If it's not exhaustion throwing obstacles in my way, then it's my anxiety and general dislike of being around too many other people.
I too have days when I dislike myself for being the way I am.