Newbie to the forum.

Hello, I have a 9 year old boy with HFA. He was diagnosed in February this year. We have also been waiting for an ADHD assessment and we now have an appointment for next Wednesday. We are also having difficulty with school in terms of refusal to go, he tells us he feels sick and needs to to go to the toilet, but then doesn't ask because he is worrying about missing work and being behind and he says this will mean that he will have so much more to do. It makes the morning's really hard and I'm almost late for work every day, but I don't rush him as I know this only makes matters worse, also I want him to feel calm and know that I am right there with him trying to understand the best I can. The traffic light system sounds like a really good idea! I will talk to his teacher tomorrow about it. 

I remember The Ironman now. I have seen the film The Iron Giant. I didnt see that until I was about 11 so I can see how the film and book could be scary.

It was hostile, but it made me stronger in the long run. I dont know what the Ironman is but it does not sound pleasent, I am sorry she is having to go through this.

I have sensory issues aswell (Sensory Processing Disorder) So all my senses are highened, and my pain threshold is nearly none existant, I feel so much pain sometimes. However, I got that diagnosis at 14, and another thing the school put in place that could be helpful, was that in classes that got very loud I was allowed earplugs, during working times, discussion I struggled with still. I would put a sign on the desk (The teacher was completely aware of the situation) and work in silence and then they would alert me to when I needed to start listening again. I would also put them in at lunch sometimes when it got too much. Maybe this could be adapted to work for your girls??

Thank you seaqueen. I'm very sorry you were bullied, school can be such a hostile environment. My girls are 8, both have been bullied, they find social interactions difficult, also some topics are triggering. They are reading The Ironman in literacy and one in particular is frightened of the story, but especially the film they have been watching. This culminated into a monumental meltdown at night, she was hysterical.

The traffic light system sounds like a fantastic idea and i will be putting that to their senco.

My main concern is their mental health wellbeing. Home education is an option I am considering, although I think the routine of school is good for them. They also have sensory issues and are being referred for ADHD assessment.

School was a struggle for me. I was bullied in primary and high school. I did refuse sometimes, I used to pretend to be ill. But that was just during high school as the bullying was physical. Try and find out the exact reason they are refusing and try and tackle it one at a time. If it is school in general, then I had copying mechanisms. I would focus on a subject I loved and try and look positivily that I am going to have that class. Doodling and colouring was big for me, but that can also cause problems as it can be a distraction. If you can find a middle ground I find it very helpful (I used to colour square books) as I found that it helped me to ignore other stimulus in the area and still focus on what the teacher was saying. But that may not work with how young they are, I dont know.

I also spoke to the school (well my mum did) to explain the situation and I had two systems put in place. One was a traffic light system with my teachers. Green I was fine. Amber I was struggaling a bit so they would keep an eye on me and possibly limit my participation (No picking me to answer questions etc.) And then red lead to the other system, a time out card basically. I would show the card to my teacher and get to stand outside the classroom to regain myself so I wasnt too overwhlemed.

I also had a trusted teacher, someone who knew exactly what was wrong and things that bothered me and during lunch if I needed space I could go to them, or if I was having issues and struggled to even tell my mum I could tell them. This has been throughout all my education in varying degrees.

Most of this was in high school. But I hope there is something that can help them. I can also ask my mum how my brother was and what she did to support me and him if you want.

My girls are finding school a big struggle at the moment. How was school for you? Did you ever refuse? 

Glad it was helpful.

If you want any other help Im here. I can ask my mum if necessary :)

Thanks for your reply, will definitely be using that.

Hi,

My brother got diagnosed at 8 and I got diagnosed about a year ago at 18. And for both of us my mum told us repeatedly the same thing. And still tells me when Im struggaling. It might help your daughters. My mum says:

"This doesnt mean you are (their names) with autism. It does not define who you are. You are (their names) who happens to have autism. It makes you slightly different and special, but does not mean anything negative. Remember that."

Its something that always helps me to remember this. That I dont have to walk up to someone and say Hi I have autism. I can just say hi. I decide who knows and why. I can decide how to react to my autism and whether it will control me or no.

Hope it helps.