Diagnosed at 47

Just to say about humour, I have a very strong sense of humour and I use it as a comfort blanket. Often inappropriately which can make difficult social situations even worse. I do get most jokes but sometimes something will be said as a joke and I will take it literally so it's not quite finely tuned

nuts I just typd up a long reply and I wasn't logged in :S

I will look into the ADEPT thing, thanks for that.

I was also bullied relentlessly through school, I dreaded breaktimes and used to hate being outside wandering around on my own while everyone else was in groups or with friends. I just coldn't work out how to fit in or why I wasn't liked. I started helping in the library to avoid being outside breaktimes or I'd hide under a table in a classroom. I got caught a couple of times but no one ever asked why I was there, just got a telling off

Sleep is a real issue, I have restless leg syndrome and I am also a very restless sleeper, it's exhausting. I have tried valerian root but it doesn't work, my GP won't prescribe anything either. 

As far as relationships go I always wanted to be in a relationship .. desperately .. because that's what "normal" people did. I felt like a freak because I couldn't hold down relationships. Now, like all of my aspie/ASD "obsessions" since deciding I don't need to be in a relationship and in fact they are a pain in the neck, I absolutely don't want one and have no interest in it at all :D

Does anyone else also suffer from hyper hydrosis, excessive sweating .. It's the bane of my life. I don't know if it's linked but it's definitely an inherited thing as my father and sister also suffer

I've spent about a year or so in the mental health system, tho I think that only made me worse. I know at various times I've been signed off work with stress and depression. The psychiatrist I saw was an Indian gentleman (nothing against Indians), tho he made me feel like a naughty little girl, when I didn't collect the meds he prescribed, due to me perhaps having reservations about them.  I was looking after my disabled husband at the time, and I think he said to me "Don't you think it's your duty to look after your husband". I wasn't arguing with that, yes from a moral point, tho legally I could refuse to provide care, but social services have a legal obligation. I  wasn't disputing my obligations, but saying I need help.
Since then my husband and I habe split up, I did work doing care work. Tho that didn't work out, and I know one day I ws supposed to be looking for work, tho I was on social media on the computer. This was where I met my fella, he advised me to go sick so I did and was signed off with anxiety and depression, work has been at best erratic.
It's only about a month or so ago I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 45.  I feel now at least I've a diagnosis and that may explain why maybe I am the way I am.
I can't pinpoint when this depression started. I know at infants school sometimes I'd fake illness, and I know one morning my Mum sent me despite my protests, as she'd thought I'd had much time off, tho it came to lunchtime , and i think the dinner ladies tried to get me to eat my mains, then it came to pudding, and I was violently ill, (put off semolina for years), and my mum had to collect me and apologise. I know some kids were bullies, tho I think at age 11 the actions of the bullies seemed to take a more sinister turn, and then events with an older cousin.
I did read that those with ASD can be more prone to being victims of bullies. I know it's not always possible to tell if a person has ASD, unless behaviour may hint at it. I know ASD can affect individuals in different ways. I'm just wondering why I seemed to be bullied more than the non ASD kids.
I know maybe I'm better at social situations now than I was, tho the first time I met my fella I did look him up and down & then back up, tho I wasn't sure if he was serious or not, but I think maybe I lingered on his man bits a little too long, and he said that he felt like a "piece of meat"  I did say to him that it was NOT my intention, tho if I did make a social faux pas then it's certanally done our friendship/relationship no harm.  I did phone him as he's 60 miles away once I had a diagnosis and  jokingly said that I've an "excuse" for that now. Who says people with ASD don't understand jokes. I think sometimes I get jokes straight away, others I find more difficult. I know sometimes in work situations I've not known whether to take a colleague seriously or not.
As regards sleeping, I never have been very good at settling from being a baby, I know my Dad would say to me I would rock in my pram, and my mum did sometimes try and get me off by staying with me til I was asleep. Tho she filled in some  answers  to questions for the Aspergers assessment and she said I was impossible to settle. I know somtimes if of an evening I watch a DVD or tv,catch up sometimes I find I zonk out on the sofa, and then awake at stupid o'clock. I feel as an adult I find I thrash around in bed, or I'm so tired I zonk. I find valerian root often works for me, and  zopiclone if I need something stronger. I didn't used to have panic attacks , they seem to have started more recently.               

Some interesting parallels (and differences) there.  My civil partner constantly reminds me of the time about twenty years ago when I accused him - while watching TV together - of breathing too loudly!  That wouldn't bother me now as my hearing has deteriorated so much.

I tend to nod off involuntarily during the day, if I sit down to read or watch a film, but I've needed prescription sleeping pills at night for most of the last fifteen years.  I hate being dependent on them but every other remedy has failed.

At school and university I obtained mostly very good results (even though it was probably the unhappiest period of my life) simply because I was excellent at memorising and reproducing information and the opinions of experts, whether I was interested or not.  That's about all that was required in my subjects in those days - thinking for oneself, or airing one's own views, was actively discouraged!

I'm currently participating in the ADEPT trial designed to develop Guided Self-Help for adults with autism and depression.  I believe this is based on CBT but I won't get to know as I was randomly allocated to "Treatment As Usual" i.e. the Control group not receiving the newly created treatment!  If you haven't heard of this study, it might be worth investigating, especially as you also have a professional interest in this area.

Hi thanks for the reply that's interesting about insomnia because my sleep patterns have never been great. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat during the day but at night I have terrible trouble sleeping, waking every hour and taking hours to fall asleep.

I found CBT really helpful but then I have issues from childhood and before CBT I had massive problems with self esteem and anger.  I feel more settled now I have a proper diagnosis.  I also had to give up work, I struggled and struggled up until about 5 years ago when I completely caved in and trying to fit in just became too much. since then I've been on ESA, under permanent cloud of reassessment which is very stressful. 

Since leaving work I've gone back into education, I had a couple of years just trying to regroup and come to terms with the fact that my mental health problems weren't getting any better, particular the social problems. Then I retook my GCSEs which I got straight As for :D Shows the difference between lack of support in schools where I scraped through CSEs as they were then. The adult education centre were great and even though I wasn't diagnosed they let me wear earplugs for the exams as I got so stressed by the sounds of people writing, moving and just generally breathing. Since then I've started a degree in Psychology, in my 3rd year of a 6 year part time course with the OU and I'm loving it. I want to be a CBT practitioner or help in schools. I have just finished a two year stint as a volunteer co-educator with SEN kids in a secondary school which I have given up to focus on my studies, but it was so useful.

Hi - like you, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome only recently (three months ago) and at an even older age (55).  It required ten years of me badgering GPs for an assessment until one finally took me seriously.  For me too, the diagnosis was mainly about explaining the past, almost like the denouement in a prolonged mystery story!

I've had similar lifelong issues around anxiety, depression and social phobia - not many panic attacks, as my coping mechanism has gradually become avoidance!  I gave up work years ago (though I don't claim benefits) mainly because of chronic insomnia - has that been a problem for you too?  I understand it's very common with Asperger's.

Interesting that you mention your 30s as being the time from when you've been "in the mental health system", as I did not receive any sustained therapy (for anxiety and depression) until I was 34.  That was CBT, which I found totally unhelpful - in fact, it made me worse by causing me to invent or exaggerate negative thoughts.  My insomnia only became a regular problem at the age of 40.

Like you, I feel relieved by the diagnosis, and don't blame myself as much as I used to, especially for my occasional "stupid" meltdowns, but I still have the feeling that I'm continuing the gradual emotional and mental decline that really began in my 30s (although the period from around the age of 11 to 22 was perhaps even worse).  If only there had been Asperger diagnoses available to me when I was younger...