Aspie girl - newly diagnosed

IMO, if you don't need help then you don't need a diagnosis. If you are a director then you don't need your employer to be more understanding. Presumably you have taken the AQ test?

Hi all,

Glad to have found this forum. My journey of inventing myself came in the last 6 months after my 7 year old son underwent a test for AS.  Now it has been confirmed, i realised that he is a carbon copy of me when i was a child. Wondering mind, almost robotic in speech, brilliant in readng and writing but very poor in Maths.  Only different is that I hide my issues quite well being a company director and in control and delegating work to my staff.  when it comes to relationships its a bit different, I am married for 15 years but I dont have emotional feelings of others.  Anything from death of a near family to and not thinking it's important to buy a presents for loved ones. 

Also I have poor handwriting(irrelevant as everything is email and smartphones!).  I have been told that I am brilliant at handling a crisis, giving advice, providing solutions, planning an event and entertaining people but very stone cold when it comes to personal understanding of others, especially to anyone if they not well.

Worse thing is my temper. I am the nicest person generally but when someone seeks confrontation then i become a verbal monster!

Looking forward to hearing from similar people and should i go to a GP for a diagnoses? is there any point when I have kind of accepted that i am as Aspie?

I came to the realisation that I may very well have Asperger's only a couple of months ago.  I've suspected that my husband is on the high functioning Asperger's end of the spectrum for over a year now, and it's only after I attended The Autism Show in Birmingham in June that I might too be on the same end of the spectrum.  Hearing four women speakers talking about their experiences of late diagnosis and their life, they could have been describing my own life back to me.  I did the AQ test and came to an initial score of 35 (using self-editing) and retested with a score of 39 (answering more truthfully if there was no risk of negative social consequences, lost friendships, etc).  I started freewriting the things about myself that could be associated with Autism/Asperger's, and that document ended up being 26 pages long.  I started reading up on the subject and finally felt brave enough to approach my GP to request an assessment (and even then, I just took in my 26 page document, a few pages printed from the NAS website and my local NHS Foundation Trust).  She agreed to refer me, so I filled in the form and returned it, and I'm still waiting to be contacted for the next steps.  In the intervening time, I've started a blog to help me get my thoughts out and hopefully help others who suspect or are seeking a late diagnosis as an adult, especially women, as we display our Aspie traits in a different way.  My blog is relatively new, but if you wish to check it out, it's at http://iammyownexperience.com/

Hi Elvenstar,

What, if anything, have you found helpful in improving your AS/NT relationship?

I am AS, my wife is NT, we are married just over 10 years and it's very very difficult. We are starting couples therapy tomorrow 'cos I can't cope with how things are.

Kind regards,

soldersplash

Good luck with the referral, I hope your GP was helpful. Sounds like the NHS route for diagnosis can be a long process...

Hi! You are definitely not alone with the meltdowns. Not in a relationship though so few people get to see me in action! I don't do queues either - have lost count of the number of times I have stomped out of supermarkets abandoning trolleys of shopping when I see the queue or when those stupid b****y self service tills go wrong. Work in a job where my patience is constantly tested, live in fear of one day flipping out at someone, as I do a pretty good impression of that head-spinning scene in the Exorcist!

Going to the GP later to ask for a referral, am very nervous. GP is lovely though, we get on very well, so am a bit worried she is just going to tell me I'm fine.

Thank you for all your replies, it's really reassuring to know I'm not alone in being different :-)

This is my first time using a forum, so thank you Socks for pointing out the search function, looks like there's lots of useful info on meltdowns.

Marjorie, that's wonderful to hear that you've been together with your husband for so long. I think a key piece of the puzzle is for me to figure out how I can 'give' more.

And thank you Atypical for the book recommendations! I've downloaded a Kindle app for my iPad so I can read lots of aspie books without having them lying around the house! I'll definitely look into your suggestions. I know how you feel about some advice being too simple; I'm actually pretty good at reading faces, but since the diagnosis I've realised I sometimes struggle to accurately guess how someone is feeling. I hope you manage to get a diagnostic consultation, if you feel that would be useful for you. Remember it's just a label, you're still you. I sometimes over-identify with the label, and that can feel isolating. I guess it's the perspective thing again ;-)

I identify with the 'losing perspective' bit. Quite often when I have a meltdown I'll find myself saying things like 'I've been queuing for an hour!!!!!' when actually it's been half an hour at most.  I don't think it helps that I start 'lying' in a situation like that!  Recently I thought of an explanation: I think I'm being honest about my feelings: it feels like an hour, even though it isn't actually.

I'm undiagnosed, so still have doubts I'm really aspie. However I have always felt a bit different.  When I was a kid though I thought I was superior: I thought I was different because I have a high IQ. I've had other explanations since.  I really hope I'm right about this one though: it does seem the best fit!  I first suspected probably 20 years ago, when I heard that not crawling as a baby can be a sign (I never crawled: I shuffled round on my bum instead).  Apparently that's not considered a sign anymore, but it got me interested. At first most of what I heard didn't seem to fit me, but I've picked up more and more that does, or come to understand that things I don't feel to be true, might look true from an outside viewpoint.

More recently I've just completed a very difficult course, which included practical assessments.  The first assessment weekend included marking on 'people skills'.  I failed that section of the course: in fact I ended up having a meltdown at the end though apparently I'd already failed!  (And apparently I wasn't the only one who ended up in tears: a couple did on another run of the same weekend).  They re-assessed me during later weekends and I managed to pass. I have worked as a tutor before which was helpful (I'm generally the sort of person who can talk to anyone on first meeting, it's longer term things don't work out), but I also did lots of reading about body language etc, some of which 'stuck' I think!  They made a comment about me being stressed in a 'new situation' which makes me wonder if they suspect I'm an aspie!

Two books I read then which might be relevant to you:

'Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most' by Stone, Patton and Heen

'That's Not What I Meant!' by Deborah Tannen

They are fairly advanced I think, written for NT's, and I don't think I've become an expert, but maybe if you (and your hubby too) read them you might find some bits that help?

I think the one recomended to aspies a lot of the time is 'How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends' by Don Gabor.  Not sure if this would be helpful to you.  It's really for starting friendships and socializing at events: I don't think it really helps with long-term relationships.  I found it very basic, which was reasuring in a way, but also makes me doubt I am an aspie!  Since you are diagnosed, but sound like me in some ways (you sound like you'd be like me in being good at first meeting?), I'd be interested to hear if you found it too basic as well!

I can identify with "becoming snappy". I am undiagnosed and had 20 years on medication for depression and anxiety, which suppressed my meltdowns. I no longer take medication, and have had to explain to my long suffering hubby, that certain things just wind me up unbearably and that life is calmer if he gives me the space I need. He told me at first that this was "demanding" behaviour, but he has read a bit about it now and is giving me the space I need. I am more difficult to live with than many, but I try to make up for it where I can, by doing those things that I know please him. We reached 40 years this year, I guess I found a truly amazing person.

Welcome!

You are not alone with meltdowns

community.autism.org.uk/.../meltdown

AS/NT marriages can work and they definitely work better with a diagnosis! The divorce rate for undiagnosed aspies is horrendous!