Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I am an adult who is very likely autistic. I am not yet diagnosed. But I do seem to have many autistic traits and I score highly on a wide variety of online tests for autism and alexithymia.
I've not yet taken the step of even asking for diagnosis. My thought on this is that the services for this are already stretched and I am not sure what I am going to achieve now by getting this. I am in my mid-50s and fairly well established at work (I am a software developer). So, I am not sure how much getting a diagnosis right now helps. I am certainly not sure how it would sit with my employer.
Alexithymia (an inability to identify and describe my emotions and connect physical sensations with them) is something which I particularly struggle with. I didn't previously know that I experience this, but recent family events have brought this to the fore.
My wife and one of my teenage sons are neuro-typical and can usually work around the confusion and difficulties I cause - up to a point. But my other teenage kid is autistic himself and my relationship with him is particularly difficult for the whole family because seeing eye-to-eye with him rarely happens.
I find it very difficult to talk to people - even online. In person, I tend to take a long time, trip over my words or say the wrong word and confuse or annoy people. This is a major hindrance to my personal relationships at all levels. It makes being effective and assertive very difficult for me.
I guess I interested in hearing from others in a similar situation, particularly another dad struggling with an autistic teenage child.
Best wishes to all
I suppose I have just have to accept that my autism report was one subjective assessment by one individual. Autism assessments can be positive and life-affirming (I mention one example in this video about my assessment: [edited by moderator]
just to warn you that the waiting list is possibly very long for an assessment. I managed to change my son’s referral from community paediatric to a right to choose pathway which should speed to process up considerably.
HI again, everybody
Very many thanks to all of you for the kind and thoughtful replies over the last week. It is gratefully appreciated.
I'll have a think about asking officially to be assessed. I can see from what many of you have said that there is more than just the benefit of knowing.
I suppose, Neil that your experience is something that concerns me: to have my limitations spelled out and confirmed is a fear, however the report is written. I suppose for me it will depend on what strategies I can put in place to manage them.
The issue with my younger son is that he's very much on a different part of the spectrum from me. He's very good at being bossy and assertive and I'm basically very bad at it. He has a considerable struggle with anxiety which leads to him venting his anger at whoever is nearest. He and I are stuck in situation where he is used to taking it out on me without their being enough come-back from me. There have been times just like you, Inula, I've had hidden from him because it has been so very stressful and difficult confronting him and maintaining my position.
My partner thankfully is very much accepting that I am very likely autistic and is very open to discussing this in as much detail as required. I am grateful for not having that to contend with.
Best wishes.
I was diagnosed as autistic last year aged 41. I'm certain that my 12-year-old son is also autistic. I really didn't like my autism assessment - or rather, I didn't like the report, which made me feel like a defective person. However, I'm sure there are plenty of people who have had a positive assessment experience. I hope that, if you get an official diagnosis, it will lead to meaningul support.
I am too undiagnosed with a 9yr old son who’s autistic (in the process of getting diagnosed). I’m married to my wife who is Nt as is my eldest son. I work for myself and have somehow always managed until I discovered my son was autistic. He attends regular therapy sessions once a week. When his therapist described his traits I defended him saying that it’s perfectly normal as I behave the same. When I asked the question she told me that I am too almost certainly on the spectrum. I have a very strong connection with my autistic son as we are so very similar so I’m very accepting with how he deals with things. With my wife and my eldest son it can be difficult as I don’t always understand them and they don’t understand me. Although we are both committed to making things as easy as possible for our youngest we do not talk about me being the same. When I’ve tried to bring it up she refuses to discuss the subject.
I too struggle to communicate sometimes (not always) and cannot find the words I want to say mid conversation, it results in me being ignored and makes me feel invisible. Totally understand your situation and I truly hope things get easier for you. For me I guess until we can have that conversation about me seeking assessment I have to go along with things the way they are. Im sure you will feel very welcome here, it’s been a game changer for me just having people that listen and respond.
Take care
I'm in my 50's and was diagnosed last year.What I achieved from getting the diagnosis is a better understanding of who I am, why I am, validation and much more.From a work perspective, I'm also in IT and my diagbosis has given me security / rights as the past couple of years have been especially tough with me having to take a lot of time off sick. It is now getting to the point where HR are wanting/needing to take the company absence policy into account - something that could leave me out of work. It seems that they don't want to risk of discrimination, and so far the discussions have been amicable.
My wife and I believe that our 20 year old son could be autistic, but we aren't pushing him to do anyting about it. He is high functioning, has a very good job with a lot of responsibility, steady girlfriend of 7 years or so. We did notice some things when he was very young, but nothing came of that (in terms of seeking ASD assessment).I would say that we have a very good relationship, but there are many things that he does (or doesn't do, to be more precise) that grind my gears. But then, I guess that's pretty much par for the course with all tennage/20's kids that live with their parents!
Welcome to the community
I'm an autistic parent to an autistic child. She's now in her 40s and during her teenage years we really struggled with each other. (To the point where I would stay in my bedroom until she left the house!) I'm only aware of my autism because my daughter identified it in herself a few years ago, saw it in me and nudged me to question my whole life experience.
When I joined this community just under a year ago i had realised and mostly accepted that I was also autistic. In my case I had very strong imposter syndrome to contend with. After a lifetime of pretending to fit in (and I thought I was mostly managing) I paid for a private diagnosis - which is now part of my medical record. I'm really happy that I decided to be officially diagnosed. My daughter can now point to a family history of neuro divergence as we try to get my granddaughter identified. And as I get older (and possibly end up in a care home) my autism is officially recorded.
Rest assured - officially diagnosed or not you're very welcome here
Inula
My son is as autistic as I am. Neither of us quite understands this world but in some way we understand each other and manage to not feel as quite alone. My advice would be to get a diagnosis to I some way help.ypu move forward. I took a number of years to request the diagnosis and have recently been told I am highly functioning autistic. Its odd but it made me feel less weird like the diagnosis actually helped me in some small way. Maybe it could for you? If nothing else maybe you could have an easier life with your wife and child? I hope you find the answer......... here if you need someone to talk to