Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I am an adult who is very likely autistic. I am not yet diagnosed. But I do seem to have many autistic traits and I score highly on a wide variety of online tests for autism and alexithymia.
I've not yet taken the step of even asking for diagnosis. My thought on this is that the services for this are already stretched and I am not sure what I am going to achieve now by getting this. I am in my mid-50s and fairly well established at work (I am a software developer). So, I am not sure how much getting a diagnosis right now helps. I am certainly not sure how it would sit with my employer.
Alexithymia (an inability to identify and describe my emotions and connect physical sensations with them) is something which I particularly struggle with. I didn't previously know that I experience this, but recent family events have brought this to the fore.
My wife and one of my teenage sons are neuro-typical and can usually work around the confusion and difficulties I cause - up to a point. But my other teenage kid is autistic himself and my relationship with him is particularly difficult for the whole family because seeing eye-to-eye with him rarely happens.
I find it very difficult to talk to people - even online. In person, I tend to take a long time, trip over my words or say the wrong word and confuse or annoy people. This is a major hindrance to my personal relationships at all levels. It makes being effective and assertive very difficult for me.
I guess I interested in hearing from others in a similar situation, particularly another dad struggling with an autistic teenage child.
Best wishes to all
I am too undiagnosed with a 9yr old son who’s autistic (in the process of getting diagnosed). I’m married to my wife who is Nt as is my eldest son. I work for myself and have somehow always managed until I discovered my son was autistic. He attends regular therapy sessions once a week. When his therapist described his traits I defended him saying that it’s perfectly normal as I behave the same. When I asked the question she told me that I am too almost certainly on the spectrum. I have a very strong connection with my autistic son as we are so very similar so I’m very accepting with how he deals with things. With my wife and my eldest son it can be difficult as I don’t always understand them and they don’t understand me. Although we are both committed to making things as easy as possible for our youngest we do not talk about me being the same. When I’ve tried to bring it up she refuses to discuss the subject.
I too struggle to communicate sometimes (not always) and cannot find the words I want to say mid conversation, it results in me being ignored and makes me feel invisible. Totally understand your situation and I truly hope things get easier for you. For me I guess until we can have that conversation about me seeking assessment I have to go along with things the way they are. Im sure you will feel very welcome here, it’s been a game changer for me just having people that listen and respond.
Take care