Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I am an adult who is very likely autistic. I am not yet diagnosed. But I do seem to have many autistic traits and I score highly on a wide variety of online tests for autism and alexithymia.
I've not yet taken the step of even asking for diagnosis. My thought on this is that the services for this are already stretched and I am not sure what I am going to achieve now by getting this. I am in my mid-50s and fairly well established at work (I am a software developer). So, I am not sure how much getting a diagnosis right now helps. I am certainly not sure how it would sit with my employer.
Alexithymia (an inability to identify and describe my emotions and connect physical sensations with them) is something which I particularly struggle with. I didn't previously know that I experience this, but recent family events have brought this to the fore.
My wife and one of my teenage sons are neuro-typical and can usually work around the confusion and difficulties I cause - up to a point. But my other teenage kid is autistic himself and my relationship with him is particularly difficult for the whole family because seeing eye-to-eye with him rarely happens.
I find it very difficult to talk to people - even online. In person, I tend to take a long time, trip over my words or say the wrong word and confuse or annoy people. This is a major hindrance to my personal relationships at all levels. It makes being effective and assertive very difficult for me.
I guess I interested in hearing from others in a similar situation, particularly another dad struggling with an autistic teenage child.
Best wishes to all
I was diagnosed as autistic last year aged 41. I'm certain that my 12-year-old son is also autistic. I really didn't like my autism assessment - or rather, I didn't like the report, which made me feel like a defective person. However, I'm sure there are plenty of people who have had a positive assessment experience. I hope that, if you get an official diagnosis, it will lead to meaningul support.
HI again, everybody
Very many thanks to all of you for the kind and thoughtful replies over the last week. It is gratefully appreciated.
I'll have a think about asking officially to be assessed. I can see from what many of you have said that there is more than just the benefit of knowing.
I suppose, Neil that your experience is something that concerns me: to have my limitations spelled out and confirmed is a fear, however the report is written. I suppose for me it will depend on what strategies I can put in place to manage them.
The issue with my younger son is that he's very much on a different part of the spectrum from me. He's very good at being bossy and assertive and I'm basically very bad at it. He has a considerable struggle with anxiety which leads to him venting his anger at whoever is nearest. He and I are stuck in situation where he is used to taking it out on me without their being enough come-back from me. There have been times just like you, Inula, I've had hidden from him because it has been so very stressful and difficult confronting him and maintaining my position.
My partner thankfully is very much accepting that I am very likely autistic and is very open to discussing this in as much detail as required. I am grateful for not having that to contend with.
Best wishes.
just to warn you that the waiting list is possibly very long for an assessment. I managed to change my son’s referral from community paediatric to a right to choose pathway which should speed to process up considerably.