Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I am Mark (preferred name not real) and I am 23. I was diagnosed with ASD couple of months ago. Don't know how to react to it.
No matter how badly I want, I can't keep friends or be in a relationship. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
I like watching films, mostly horror and action. I like listening to music, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Madonna, ABBA, etc.
I was told this is a great place to connect with people.
Mark.
I do a zoom film night every Sunday that no one from here comes to.
It was designed exactly for people like yourself to provide a potential social experience or at worst just enjoy the film.
The idea was that anyone from here could join anonymously (I.E. camera and microphone switched OFF, enjoy the film, listen to any conversation, and join in if they felt motivated so to do).
A BIG part of making friends is shared activities (the book recommendation I Give in my bio, lays it all out for you like a "haynes manual" of human relationships) and simply watching a film every week with a bunch of people, even if you don't know what to say most of the time, is way better than sitting alone in your room.
Autism makes it hard to instinctively do the right thing, (effing impossible some days!) for us that means extra book learning and work is required.
You've missed the Robocop trilogy and a LOT of Stanley Kubrick, but I've still got Starship troopers 2 & three to air, plus 2001...
There's always a way you can make things slightly better for yourself and/or for someone else, but you need to grow the skills yourself, all we can do is point you in the right direction as we have found it.
I can easily pass as non-Autistic, (fooled myself for fifty nine ears) but despite scoring quite highly, I was lucky enough to be able to grow some social skills. I did it by watching and reading good books and talking to the few people who'd give me the time of day, but it really took off in my twenties when I read that "how it works" of human relations book. For you it might be a different book that gives you what you need, but what you need is out there, (or even on this forum) I am certain of that.
It has more to do with the time, rather than the artist, I think. My playlist is mostly 80s. I like modern songs too, like Tame Impala or Linkinpark. I dunno the name of most of the songs I like to listen. But I am attaching to old songs.
Who is your favourite artist?
Hi Mark_1289,
It is true that this can be a great place for connecting with people. However, just like it is in the outside world, it can require patience and effort to find other members that one feels a sense of connection with.
As for your diagnosis, you're the same person you were prior to your autism diagnosis. However, this gives you the advantage of now knowing why you may struggle with certain aspects of your life. It also provides you with the opportunity to explore if there is anything you can do to help yourself... To make things you may struggle with to feel like less of a struggle.
Mark_1289 said:Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Madonna, ABBA, etc.
You have a varied taste in music Mark.... from Led Zep to Madonna.... that's quite a range.
Enjoy !
Ben
I tried to change, but somehow I ended up being more desperate. I can't be around anybody. I couldn't help myself from crying all the time. When I am around other people it just remind me of how lonely I am. It was never an issue, but since the last couple of years I just can't keep clear of these thoughts.
Knowing makes me feel like what's wrong with me will never change. Nothing changes I am just more pathetic.
I just wish I could talk to someone, when I feel like how I feel all the time. Someone to talk to when I am scared. Someone otherthan the healthcare workers of the students support. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere.
It hurts to be around people of my age
Regarding friendships, most of us have problems to one degree or another. What I would suggest is, thinking about what you want from friendship. Do you want someone who shares your interests? Or just someone to go and do activities with? Someone to just call or text? Friendship looks different to all of us, and knowing what you want helps. Also, not making do with someone because you think you can’t do any better.
Mark_1289 said:No matter how badly I want, I can't keep friends or be in a relationship. I don't know what I am doing wrong.
This is a very common issue for autistic people and there are a few good books on the subject that are worth reading:
An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501259
Friendships The Aspie Way - Wendy Lawson (2006)ISBN-10: 1 84310 427 X
Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)ISBN 9781843108764
As for knowing how to react - don't react but instead learn, understand and plan before acting.
Depending on your level of interest in doing this you can start with the common:
Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)
ISBN 0764525476
or the more academic:
Neurodiversity - The Birth of An Idea - Judy Singer (2016)
ISBN 064815470X
You are no different than before the diagnosis so nothing has actually changed. You have knowledge of it now which gives you power over it - build on that knowledge and you will be able to work on all the areas you want to when you are ready.
Welcome to the club.
I recommend a book in my bio, that helped me overcome the problems you describe so well, back when when I was only slightly older than you...
I also recommend getting a cat, as they can both teach us about how to serve and make another intelligent and sensitive creature happy, but they are less like hard work than actual humans, but mainly because having one around just makes life more fulfilling.
Hi(Ciao). I don't know what to advise you now. * Go step by step, remember: a diagnosis reveals who you are. Above all, it reveals to you that "You are not a very strange person!" I have my own personality. I always try to try to understand as much as possible of what surrounds me. I also realized that it's ok to tell people you trust. But they may never really understand him as we are. Among other things, it is tiring to have said it and to receive after 4 years illogical answers of ... if you want, you can ". I will be able to as far as I can and I will not be able to in many other things related to social interaction. Yes: I can perhaps give you some advice. Don't overload yourself with stress in too intense social interactions. I also mean the normal ones with the family, even the ones with only one person, maybe the one you love the most. Another thing is to avoid replying to those who say things that do not seem valid to you. He still won't understand you, and you'll just get tired. * You didn't write it, the claim that they consider it an autism spectrum disorder is true. It is from IC and DSM, i.e. from diagnostic manuals. However, I have a question... If it's a disorder, how is it treated? Do you become neurotypical according to them? Because the ratio is more or less this: Normal = Neurotypical. Disorder = neurodiversity. But it's not quite like that. We are only less than them in percentage terms, we are very few. Is being very few therefore a disorder? Ok: there are things that go hand in hand with autism, but they are also present among the neurotypicals, those are cured. I find it not logical that they write disturbance. It would be like telling a person neurologically different from them that they should be treated. The word cure has a beautiful meaning, of course. But if anything, I have to understand as many things as possible, but I don't have a problem for who I am. * They do not distinguish between the verb to be and the verb to have in my opinion. (I hope I wrote something legible enough, if so I apologize)
I like music too. Sometimes I'm synesthetic so I perceive it in ways that are different from the ordinary. Or a song comes to mind in this case an entire show the live one in Denmark by Led Zeppelin. Actually every sentence reminds me of something. Which then reminds me of several others. I don't know, it seems to me to describe the technique of Dylan Thomas.
Hello Mark_1289,
Welcome to the NAS community! I hope you manage to connect with people here. You may want to use our Autism Services Directory to search for potential social groups in your area that cater for people with an autism spectrum disorder. You can find the Directory here: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory
All the best,
ChloeMod