Diagnosed last week at 48

I'm 47 and feeling exactly the same! Like, who am I? What am I supposed to do now? I feel so utterly unmotivated by my job, and I really just want time to assimilate and indulge the special interests and the stims and the sensory delights that I have repressing for decades. At the same time, I feel all this grief and anger that I wasn't "allowed" to just be myself and how much happier I might have been if I had known. It's pretty overwhelming! It will take time to process, but we'll get there. 

Hi T.  I'm from the south (of England), a Portsmuthian.

Sorry to hear your are struggling with your diagnosis.  I feel rather overwhelmed, but in a more positive way (so far, it's only been a few weeks since I was told).

I can't seem to turn my brain off and I keep doing odd things like cooking the wrong meals, wearing the wrong clothes and driving to the wrong places.

Totally absorbed basically with the revelation.

Anyway, as you can see from the replies so far, this forum is full of helpful wisdom.

This thread has helped me:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/28195/female-diagnosed-at-60

and this book:

'An adult with an autism diagnosis' by Gillan Drew.

All the very best to you in assimilating information that does make you review the whole of your life so far and see it in a totally different light.

I am especially focussed at the moment on my childhood and my mother, who I believe had several undiagnosed conditions, including being bipolar and ASD.

Dude, I know exactly how you feel, diagnosed two years ago at 50.  For a while I felt like I'd been living a lie.  Took me a while to realise I was right, but for the wrong reason!

You'll spend a while now looking back and going "so that's why!" and the past will make more sense.  It'll also help the present because you'll work out what somethings were that affected you and made you react differently to other people - you can use taht to inform the now.

Two years in and I'm really feeling like I understand myself better, but more importantly I can act on that knowledge.  We have made a few adjustments at work, as I've identified them as problems and it's also easier to say to people "No, I won't be coming, I can't deal with that environment" and they are more understanding - rather than the excuses I used before.

This place has helped too, reading others experiences and getting feedback sometimes,  Ditto a few YouTube channels, they've helped me put things into words...

Hello! Welcome!

Congrats on the diagnosis. I'm glad you now know the answers and hopefully a lot of things now add up and make sense. This is huge though, really big for you and it's not something that you'll process straight away. I was diagnosed a few years ago and I'm still processing it all! It takes time and we all do it at different speeds.

Best of luck on your journey and I wish you well.

Keep talking here. I think talking can be a huge help.

Hello and welcome.  You will struggle, so don't beat yourself up about it.

I was really happy initially - knowing why my behaviours could be so disruptive and strange.  Then it dawned on me - knowing didn't actually change that -it just explained it.  There are loads of people at this place working through their issues, many identical to those you have outlined.  There is no "magic fix", but I find this place a calming haven where I am around people with similar life experiences and working through the same sort of issues.  Stick around, I'm sure you will stumble over useful stuff that will help you along your way.  In the meanwhile, stay sane.

That’s really nice of you, thankyou. You have hit the nail on the head about my thoughts too

Hi and welcome!

Sorry to hear you are struggling

I understand what you mean when you say it's a 'relief', a lot of us do. but i also understand that your are struggling with it. You have lived a lot of your life with no diagnosis and it's annoying that no one picked up on it when you were younger, and now you don't know whether to tell people about your diagnosis or not say anything. All of those feelings make sense

Alisha xx

P.S. here if you ever want to chat