Diagnosed today, but I feel like a fraud

Exactly! I think a lot of the information that people read relates to boys in particular so then women don't fit some of the characteristics! Yeah the fact I do my makeup and straighten my hair means I must not be autistic?!  the skills network? I'll have a little look into it! I'm on the hunt for courses / informational books or websites etc to increase my understanding. Even my parents - my younger brother is autistic and he is more 'typical' autistic so they never considered I would be because I mask so much! So I was left to cope and he got all of the support. 

I've had time off due to anxiety from work - it was when there was a big change and I just did not cope with it! But day to day my routine at work is pretty similar and especially now with covid restrictions, we can't have staff meetings or meet in groups which means I'm left to do my own thing which I am loving. I didn't know I was autistic when I had my time off either and I thought it was just that I wasn't as strong as other people and that was why I was having a meltdown about it all. I thought it was a personal weakness and my own fault which now I realise it wasn't.

Relationship wise yes! I've not been in a relationship for 6 years because nothing ever progresses that far. I just thought I was destined to be alone and started to worry because I do actually want kids. But now I get that I just need to meet someone who is understanding of the different things I find difficult about relationships. 

Rings! I am obsessed with wearing rings and necklaces that I can either twist or mess with! I am constantly pulling my rings off and on again - especially one I wear on my thumb. I do it mindlessly without even realising I'm doing it most of the time which now makes so much sense. (It definitely is what jewellery is for - people who just put it on and leave it are the weird ones!) 

I haven't! I've tried incense and I really enjoy having that in my house but I'll definitely give essential oils a go! 

Hi,

What you say is so familiar!  Most neuro typicals think autism is about little boys lining up all their toy cars!  I very selectively disclose my diagnosis and invariable get the "you don't look autistic" or " you can't tell".  I've completed the The Skills Network Level II Understanding Autism Course and it was SO informative that it makes me realise so few neuro typicals understand anything about autism and what they think they know is stereotypical - so I wouldn't take too much notice about what they say.  Maybe ask them what their understanding of autism is - but don't expect a long answer!!

I have 2 degrees but work part-time as full-time would drive me to depression in a short time.  I am frequently in a state of anxiety at work and have had time off work with anxiety at least 3 times in my career.  I didn't know I was autistic then.  Knowing I am and understanding more about autism, allows me to ask for reasonable adjustments, so i'm confident i can avoid that pattern now.  If you read the Nice Guidelines for Autism it does say we are characterised by frequent changes of job and inability or short relationships.  I think both of those result from trying to avoid the anxiety and stress.  Is that your experience?

As regards stimming (The-leg), I noticed I repeatedly rub the side of my fingernails, if there is an uneven ridge, even better.  I try to keep my hands hidden under the table so know one can see!  If not at work and wearing jewellery, twisting a ring around my finger if perfect stimming!  Isn't that what jewellery is for??  

Have you tried essential oils for anxiety and depression?  I use them around the home and topically when at work.  I really love having these smells around me (must be autistic!) and I do think they help.

Hey! I'm the exact same - just been diagnosed at 26 and I feel like if I tell people now that because I've got a degree / hold down a full time job etc that people will say I'm not autistic enough. I honestly didn't think I'd get the diagnosis because I thought that it was all in my head and I've been put on antidepressants and beta blockers for anxiety and depression prior to getting diagnosed. 

I was only diagnosed on Friday so if you want a chat then let me know because I definitely feel the exact same as you at the moment 

I recently self diagnosed using the AQ test, but then discovered I was clinically diagnosed at 3, and yep I'm definitely worried about imposter syndrome.

I recognise loads of my traits in books, although male I just laughed my way through Aspergirls at how similar I was. I'm high functioning and as a teenager and in my 20s I found lots of really good strategies around my problems, so outwardly I pass as a quirky NT but inwardly I identify with the traits and problems. And then there's lots of traits I don't connect with: my stim is super discreet, and I have one I just do in my mind; I can read people's emotions instinctively, tho don't know how to process my own; I have lots of friends and am super social, but rarely feel a connection; I like routines and function better with them but don't need them; I can override a lot of sensory  problems, although I've adapted my life to avoid most; things go unnoticed cos I've found strategies like foods can't touch but everyone just thinks it's a funny Mark quirk; I can do eye contact; I've no idea if I mask or not, or if my normal is normal.

Whatever, you share a lot of Aspie traits so even if it's a wrong diagnosis then if the community works to support you then take the help you find. We're all here trying to make sense of ourselves, and to find support improving our lives. You're here doing just the same, we share the same objectives as others, so even if it turned out we're not real Aspies, or not Aspie enough, then if we've found help here and given it to others then I figure that's just fine. From what I understand this is a really common response to the early months of diagnosis. Good luck!

I'm 22 and I have felt different to other people with aspergers but at the same time different to neurotypical people too. The anxiety, the stimming (rocking back and forth and such), Sometimes missing things people said and did until I thought back on it, someitimes even years later (not just an AS thing though, but I can think of a few times when it probably was), and being passionate about things I connect with and disinterested in things I do not. But also being able to communicate well, and able to look after myself. I have never felt like a fraud though, (I was somewhat in denial about my aspergers until recently on a side note). The way my life has been so far has made it hard to tell how high functioning I am, but I've felt very inbetween NT and AS peoples most of my life. Recently been more accepting of it though and realised it has affected me more than I had realised and am getting support for myself and also now I'm here.

If you're one of us then you're one of us. Not a fraud. :)

I had a similar problem after I was diagnosed. For the first few hours I was relieved. Then I just started thinking about it too much and started thinking, "I'm not autistic! I'm just weak!' 

I'm not 'mild' but considered 'moderate' but considering what severe autism can look like I feel like a fraud to call myself moderate. But then I see milder people who do seem to function so much better than me and I go back to thinking, 'hmmm I guess the diagnosis is right!' I still go back and forth on it. 

One thing that annoys me is that it could be interpreted as subjective who gets a diagnosis. Because it's not like there is a bloodtest that proves you do have the thing you get diagnosed with. I like things with concrete evidence so it does drive me a bit crazy. But then I often don't understand so called 'concrete' evidence either so I drive myself crazy never knowing what to believe. 

I totally understand what you are saying.  As a female with an Aspergers diagnosis & male relatives with Aspergers or autism diagnosis, I have times when I feel a fraud because I am managing well and then I have times when I am overwhelmed and have a melt down and think I'm so autistic. We are all individuals and it sounds like you are comparing yourself to the male stereotype at times.  Have you tried watching Purple Ella on youtube or Sarah Hendrickx?  You'll probably get a better female perspective from watching either of them. xx

I believe that there is no clear-cut line between being on the spectrum or not and that many of us including me are similar to you with just some of the more mild traits on the borderline. We are all different and don't need to tick the box for every trait of autism. When I got my diagnosis I felt like I had to exagurate some of my traits after my GP was relunctant to put me forward for it

feeling a fraud ?

When i was diagnosed I felt like this for a while and still do sometimes. I have met severe autistic people and didnt think I was anywhere close.

How have I got through university, married, kids without noticing something so major ? They cant be right! I thought I had social anxiety which I was going to address.  

Just take it easy for a month or so. You will be mentally wobbly for a while, so keep yourself busy but dont overwork. I mean , only think about your diagnosis for short periods, dont get hung up on it, let it sink in slowly.  Threat/ be nice to yourself. You have been through alot. 

On reflection, one year after diagnosis I now feel they where right.  There were details I simply wasnt noticing some of my behaviour. Its nothing bad, in fact, now you know something u didnt a week ago. 

You will feel better about yourself because you now know why you stim, why you meltdown, have anxiety, and depression.

So if you have a meltdown, u havent done anything wrong thats just you. If you stim let it be, thats just you. 

keep up the writing. 

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/northern-ireland/ni-teen-dara-mcanulty-wins-wainwright-prize-for-his-nature-diary-39515700.html

Welcome to this forumn. Enjoy yourself. Give yourself a name and join in any of the topics here

We've all been there :) i am happy telling people I have Aspergers, not really happy with the Autism label. You certainly have the classic Asperger traits. I don't flap my hands or fingers but in stressful situations, I bend and squeeze my fingers - I also tap on things aswell.

You have a diagnosis from a Professional that knows what they are doing, so have faith in that and accept your condition as reality. That way you can move on and seek help, if aspects of ASD are effecting your daily routine.

You are lucky in that you are still young and there is more help available these days :) :)

You’re welcome.

Thank you very much!!

Self-doubt is natural. But we all understand. My conditions aren't 'severe' either, for example.

You are among friends here. Welcome!