Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! :)
I am 21, female and was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Condition today.
I have been struggling with social anxiety and depression for years, have never had more than one or two close friends, never understand sarcasm or flirting, I stim (hand flapping, finger flicking, bouncing etc), am obsessed with reading and writing (have written 2 books this year and could spend days alone, daydreaming about my stories), can’t stand sticky textures and have food issues (often meltdown when certain textures mix) among some other things.
But now that I’ve been diagnosed with ASC I’m worried that they’ve got it wrong. I’ve done lots of research and - compared to autistic youtubers and blogs - I feel like my autism isn’t ‘severe’ enough (I’m not sure which terminology I should use - please correct me if I’m very wrong!!). I can recognise my own emotions and can often recognise joy/sadness etc in others. I loved imaginative play (alone) as a child and most loud noises, lights etc don’t bother me; I don’t mind rowdy concerts etc. I used to have routines as a child but now I have no specific routines or rituals. I’ve always been able to express my emotions and although I definitely mask when I socialise now, I can’t tell whether I was masking as a child. I am scared of eye contact now but my family can’t remember me having this issue as a child.
Because of all this, I’m worried that the little autistic traits I do have are not valid and that I don’t belong in the autistic community. I thought this diagnosis would be a huge relief and an explanation for my challenges but it’s just left me feeling like a fraud.
I’d very grateful for any advice or words or comfort, or experiences from anyone else who doesn’t have very many autistic traits/ feels invalid but has still been diagnosed. Thank you!!
I'm 22 and I have felt different to other people with aspergers but at the same time different to neurotypical people too. The anxiety, the stimming (rocking back and forth and such), Sometimes missing things people said and did until I thought back on it, someitimes even years later (not just an AS thing though, but I can think of a few times when it probably was), and being passionate about things I connect with and disinterested in things I do not. But also being able to communicate well, and able to look after myself. I have never felt like a fraud though, (I was somewhat in denial about my aspergers until recently on a side note). The way my life has been so far has made it hard to tell how high functioning I am, but I've felt very inbetween NT and AS peoples most of my life. Recently been more accepting of it though and realised it has affected me more than I had realised and am getting support for myself and also now I'm here.
If you're one of us then you're one of us. Not a fraud. :)