Diagnosed today, but I feel like a fraud

Hello! :)

I am 21, female and was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Condition today.

I have been struggling with social anxiety and depression for years, have never had more than one or two close friends, never understand sarcasm or flirting, I stim (hand flapping, finger flicking, bouncing etc), am obsessed with reading and writing (have written 2 books this year and could spend days alone, daydreaming about my stories), can’t stand sticky textures and have food issues (often meltdown when certain textures mix) among some other things. 

But now that I’ve been diagnosed with ASC I’m worried that they’ve got it wrong. I’ve done lots of research and - compared to autistic youtubers and blogs - I feel like my autism isn’t ‘severe’ enough (I’m not sure which terminology I should use - please correct me if I’m very wrong!!). I can recognise my own emotions and can often recognise joy/sadness etc in others. I loved imaginative play (alone) as a child and most loud noises, lights etc don’t bother me; I don’t mind rowdy concerts etc. I used to have routines as a child but now I have no specific routines or rituals. I’ve always been able to express my emotions and although I definitely mask when I socialise now, I can’t tell whether I was masking as a child. I am scared of eye contact now but my family can’t remember me having this issue as a child. 

Because of all this, I’m worried that the little autistic traits I do have are not valid and that I don’t belong in the autistic community. I thought this diagnosis would be a huge relief and an explanation for my challenges but it’s just left me feeling like a fraud. 

I’d very grateful for any advice or words or comfort, or experiences from anyone else who doesn’t have very many autistic traits/ feels invalid but has still been diagnosed. Thank you!!

Parents
  • I totally understand what you are saying.  As a female with an Aspergers diagnosis & male relatives with Aspergers or autism diagnosis, I have times when I feel a fraud because I am managing well and then I have times when I am overwhelmed and have a melt down and think I'm so autistic. We are all individuals and it sounds like you are comparing yourself to the male stereotype at times.  Have you tried watching Purple Ella on youtube or Sarah Hendrickx?  You'll probably get a better female perspective from watching either of them. xx

Reply
  • I totally understand what you are saying.  As a female with an Aspergers diagnosis & male relatives with Aspergers or autism diagnosis, I have times when I feel a fraud because I am managing well and then I have times when I am overwhelmed and have a melt down and think I'm so autistic. We are all individuals and it sounds like you are comparing yourself to the male stereotype at times.  Have you tried watching Purple Ella on youtube or Sarah Hendrickx?  You'll probably get a better female perspective from watching either of them. xx

Children
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