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:(

April
over 3 years ago

I’ve fallen in to a deep dark hole, mentally that is. I have Aspergers and will be 24 next February. I live alone and I have no one in my life who cares about me or loves me. I’m anxious, I’m depressed and I suffer from PTSD having seen my poor sis killed at the roadside. I suffer from sleepless nights because of nightmares and my head is tight all the time like someone’s pressing it hard. I hate life and I see no reason for me to even be here. The woman who bore me hates me and nobody else wants to know me. Every day I sit in my little home just staring at the wall thinking how nice it must be to just fall asleep and never wake again-no worries, no cares, just silence and bliss peace.
I feel like I’m alone in this world and no one gets me. They just see me like some girl who makes out that her problems are big when in fact they’re small. Well that’s not true. I should matter. I should be loved and cared for and my problems are big and they are killing me slowly but surely.

I just want to be loved but no one loves me. If I died today no one in my life would give a damn.

:( Please just someone help me through this. I just want someone to talk to

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Elena Mod

    Thanks for replying to me. Am I able to talk to someone with autism?

  • over 3 years ago in reply to MDC

    Thanks for replying to me. Sorry about your mom

  • over 3 years ago in reply to xiv

    Thanks for caring and writing. Sorry it took me so long to respond.

  • over 3 years ago

    I'm not feeling good. I phoned my gp but they can't see me at the moment and I've got to keep taking the pills. I've also started harming myself :( it makes me feel a little better and the pain I feel like I deserve it. I think I cut my hand to deep because it still hurts now and I'm worried it's going to get Infectious.

    My parents even want to know me still. I just have no one and nothing in my life. Literally here you are the only people who would care if anything happen to me. But you shouldn't because I'm not worth your time I'm just sad lonely girl who has nothing left in her life.

  • over 3 years ago

    Hello April,

    You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (10am – 12pm and 1pm - 3pm, Monday to Friday). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an adviser. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/form.aspx

    You may also be interested in reading a bit more about anxiety in autistic adults: https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/anxiety.aspx

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

    Take care,

    Elena Mod

  • over 3 years ago

    You DO matter, don’t let anybody tell you different.

    I have difficulties but if I’m honest they only care to a head a few years ago and I felt I’d got through things, light at end of tunnel etc. I’m struggling too at the min due to lockdown no lockdown stay in, go out but don’t go out ARGH. I also feel that nobody cares and if I died do what but I have managed to sort of park that.

    Have you contacted your GP? I know some are not great but if you ask to see a GP that specialises in autism it will help. I’ve had good and bad experience but I have found the best help comes from those who understand autism. They understand that what they suggest to NT’s won’t always be best for us.

    please don’t feel that nobody cares, I may not know you but I care, please message on here and you will see you will get support. Remember you do matter and anybody who says different ain’t worth knowing 

    take care xx 

  • over 3 years ago

    Your problems are indeed very serious, the wish to go to sleep and not wake up is not a trivial thing. Sleepless nights are terrible. If you have too many in a row your mind starts to get chaotic and confused. Urgently see a doctor for this. A good night sleep will change a lot. 

    When my mother had an epileptic seizure in my house on Christmas day, the next days I couldn't sleep and the worries were so overwhelming, the sense of being all alone to take care for her, that made that I had a nervous breakdown. Avoid that if you can.

    When I was in the hospital to recover from the nervous breakdown, they had a picture there on the wall with bamboo sticks... that made an impression, your mind needs to be like bamboo, bending but not breaking...