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:(

April
over 3 years ago

I’ve fallen in to a deep dark hole, mentally that is. I have Aspergers and will be 24 next February. I live alone and I have no one in my life who cares about me or loves me. I’m anxious, I’m depressed and I suffer from PTSD having seen my poor sis killed at the roadside. I suffer from sleepless nights because of nightmares and my head is tight all the time like someone’s pressing it hard. I hate life and I see no reason for me to even be here. The woman who bore me hates me and nobody else wants to know me. Every day I sit in my little home just staring at the wall thinking how nice it must be to just fall asleep and never wake again-no worries, no cares, just silence and bliss peace.
I feel like I’m alone in this world and no one gets me. They just see me like some girl who makes out that her problems are big when in fact they’re small. Well that’s not true. I should matter. I should be loved and cared for and my problems are big and they are killing me slowly but surely.

I just want to be loved but no one loves me. If I died today no one in my life would give a damn.

:( Please just someone help me through this. I just want someone to talk to

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    I'm not feeling good. I phoned my gp but they can't see me at the moment and I've got to keep taking the pills. I've also started harming myself :( it makes me feel a little better and the pain I feel like I deserve it. I think I cut my hand to deep because it still hurts now and I'm worried it's going to get Infectious.

    My parents even want to know me still. I just have no one and nothing in my life. Literally here you are the only people who would care if anything happen to me. But you shouldn't because I'm not worth your time I'm just sad lonely girl who has nothing left in her life.

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    I'm not feeling good. I phoned my gp but they can't see me at the moment and I've got to keep taking the pills. I've also started harming myself :( it makes me feel a little better and the pain I feel like I deserve it. I think I cut my hand to deep because it still hurts now and I'm worried it's going to get Infectious.

    My parents even want to know me still. I just have no one and nothing in my life. Literally here you are the only people who would care if anything happen to me. But you shouldn't because I'm not worth your time I'm just sad lonely girl who has nothing left in her life.

Children
  • over 3 years ago in reply to April

    Hi April,

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 

    It's very important to tell someone about your feelings. Call your GP again and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

     If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service:   http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx 

     The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

     MIND have information pages on coping with self harm  based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 

    This  self-injury support site specifically for women and girls might also be helpful.  There's lots of information and links to support services that you might find useful.

    If your injury to your hand needs treatment go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

    Take care.

    Kerri-Mod

  • over 3 years ago in reply to April

    That seems a good reason to care.

    Have you washed your hand thoroughly under the tap and bandaged it?  Here are instructions off the NHS website, pooh, that took long enough to find.

    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cuts-and-grazes/

    Personally I'd also recommend taking 500mg of vitamin C if you can get it, although I don't know if you can with all the shops shut.  It makes scabs heal up twice as fast when I take it, it's quite noticeable, and is also supposed to be reasonable as an antibacterial, so it seems like it can't do any harm.  (I use the straight ascorbic acid powder and if something does look as if it's getting infected I mix some with water and put it on the place itself, and it seems to work.)

    You do not deserve to be hurt, you're doing nobody any harm. I kind of know what you mean, you get to thinking that if you punish yourself enough you will earn something good happening to you, like you have to pay for it!  It won't work!  I know what you mean about pain making you feel better though, that's a separate thing.  Try just digging your nails in next time.  That way you're not breaking the skin so you can't get an infection, also you can keep doing it instead of it just being for a moment and then you're on your own again.

    (I've never (intentionally) cut myself though, but I sometimes beat myself up with my fists and that.  I don't think when most people say "don't beat yourself up about it" they mean it literally  :-D  )